Life is Beautiful

Motherhood, Sewing, Family

She Told Me I was a Bad Mom. That Person Was Me.

~ Etc.

This post is promoted by DSW Shoes.



This past week, I launched my shop and Jay was gone on a business trip for a week. It was the busiest week of my life and I was barely hanging on! For two days, the day before the shop opened and the day of, Aiden watched about 4 hours of t.v on each day. I put my business over him for those 2 days. And I felt such mom guilt and started getting down on myself and thinking how I was going to own a shop when I can’t balance life already. I began to self doubt myself and wondering how I was going to be a business owner when I’m terrible at business. I don’t know very much about business, I love giving stuff to other people for free(if you’ve been to my house, you’ve most likely left with a full belly and/or a gift like my favorite face lotion or baby clothes). I’ve already promised several of my friends free skirts, so much so that I had to tell Jay and my friends to not let me do that anymore! And I am already busy as it is with being a blogger and being a stay at home mom to 3 kids, I don’t know how it’ll pan out in the future.
But the biggest voice inside my head kept telling me, “You are not a good mother because you didn’t pack your girls homemade lunches at all this past week. You’re not a good mom because you yelled at them  today and lost your cool. You’re not a good mom because you talked to them in a not so nice tone. You’re not a good mom because the kids went to bed later than their bedtime today and you didn’t make dinner today. You are not a good mom so how will you even run a business?”
Mom guilt is so real isn’t it? I feel guilt on a constant basis. No matter how hard I try to be the best mother that I can be, there’s always something I could do better at. The house could be a little more cleaner, I could feed them more healthier food, I could have been more patient and not have sighed so much(something I am working on). I was thinking of mom guilt the other day and why women tear each other down, especially mothers criticizing other mothers, and it made me realize, it’s because we all feel insecure as mothers. We constantly feel guilty about not being the perfect, ideal mother we had always dreamed and envisioned us of being, and since we constantly fall short, it’s our insecurity that makes us judge other mothers and their parenting skills or choices. 
I believe a truly confident person doesn’t judge or look down on others or feel the need to be mean to others. But yet, even the good people have bad days and moments of insecurity and that is when we try to bring someone else down so we feel a bit higher. We might feel higher than the people we are putting down for a bit, but the truth is, we are actually putting ourselves below them. Any moment we gossip or are mean or do something negative, we are actually putting ourselves in a lower position. I am definitely guilty of it. I’m realizing that we are constantly changing for the better or for the worse, and every time I talk negatively about someone, I am becoming a worse person. And instead of spending time putting out negativity to the world and putting myself lower, I can use that time equally on building others up and doing positive things instead, thus becoming a better person than I was a moment before. And that also counts for self-negativity!

I think it’s important for us to acknowledge and compliment ourselves on what we did well instead of only focusing on what we didn’t do. And the below three pictures pretty much sum up what it’s like to be a mother to a two year old.


my boots | his boots

They are never still and they want to do the opposite of what you ask them to do! I just wanted a picture of our shoes lined next to each other, dang it!

I am so happy that I got my son these adorable Kamik Snobuster snow boots. I’d been looking online deciding which snow boots to buy for him, so this worked out perfectly! DSW Shoes has many selections of cold weather boots for the whole family, and now that my son has snow boots, our whole family is ready for winter! And snow! My favorite part about my son’s snow boots is that I can take out the inner fleece lining and have him wear it as rain boots. And I’ve been wanting a simple black ankle boots so I picked the Sterre Western Bootie by Steve Madden, which I can wear over pants, tights, or jeans. DSW Shoes just opened up a store a few miles from my house which I was very excited about. And right now, if you spend $75, you get $20 in DSW Shoes dollars.

Here are some of my favorite picks from DSW Shoes
one || two || three || four || five || six

I didn’t get anything done on my to-do list

~ Etc.

A few days ago I planned to tackle many things on my to-do list. Sewing for my 3 friends who just had babies, cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming, grocery shop, make dinner, all before Jay came home. I was determined to get them all done but when my girls came home from school, of course I had to prepare them snacks and then help with their homework, make sure they practice piano, then drive them to piano lessons and pick them back up. I always forget all these things that comes with motherhood! Still thinking I could tackle a lot of these on my to-do list, I was about to get to work when my kids begged me to play with them. My son wanted me to play trains with him, while the girls wanted me to play in the sand box and play Shopkins. I thought, okay, I’ll play with them for 20 mins. and then tackle my to-do list. 
We ended up playing for 2 hours and I got NOTHING done on my to-do list. NOTHING. The kids just were having so much fun and didn’t want me to stop playing with them. After about 30 mins. of playing, I was cringing inside at the boredom and frustration because I had to get so much done but here I was, doing none of those things but instead playing Shopkins with my kids. And am I the only one that gets so bored after about 30 mins, of playing with my kids? It depends on the activity I guess, but if it’s like Shopkins or playing house or playing cards, I am done after 30 mins. Do you feel that way sometimes?
So I was thinking to myself, ‘Ugh, I need to get so much done today but I can’t get any of them done because I am a mother. I can’t do anything I want to do which I’ve come to accept, but I can’t even do anything I NEED to do!” Then I realized I wouldn’t regret that I didn’t go grocery shopping on my death bed, but would regret not playing with my kids more so I changed my attitude and was grateful for my kids who loved me so much that they wanted to play with me all the time. 
After we were done playing and while daddy was playing with them, I started cooking dinner and my little girl handed me these two notes she wrote for me.
“Mom, you are fun and nice.”

“Mom, you are really really really really fun.”
My heart just melted. And I realized I did tackle everything that is important. I was playing with my wonderful kids. I was spending time with them and letting them know that they’re the most important on my to-do list. I was being a mother.
At the end of the day when my house is messy, I didn’t get everything done on my to-do list, and I feel like I didn’t get anything done, I need to remember that if my kids were fed, loved and played with, I did accomplish everything. 
Shabby Apple giveaway winner announced here!

To All The Mothers: If You Hate Being a Mom, You are a Good Mom.

~ Etc.

This picture captured one of my frustrating moments as a mother, a moment when I said to myself, “Being a mother SUCKS sometimes!!!” 
I dressed my son in his Korean outfit that was meant for him for his 1st birthday but I didn’t get around to throwing him a birthday party then, so a year later, here I was throwing him a super simple birthday party with just us and a photo shoot of him in this outfit for his 2nd birthday. While I was taking pictures of him, I was also making dinner at the same time so I went back and forth in the kitchen to the porch about 6 times to try to get that perfect shot, and cooking, stirring, and seasoning. 

I was about 20 minutes into the shoot that I had to bribe my son with candy for, to get that perfect shot of him smiling super big towards the camera. I said or made some noise, hoping it would make him laugh and while looking through the lens, I saw him give the biggest smile! With my heart beating fast and super excited I thought, “JACKPOT” as I quickly snapped a picture, hoping I’d catch it before it went away. As I pushed down on my camera button to take that picture-perfect shot, I saw a blur pass by in front of the lens. I quickly put my camera down and looked to my left to see who had ruined the perfect picture. It was my daughter who decided that for some reason it was acceptable to walk right in front of the camera in the middle of a photo shoot. I looked at her in disbelief and said, “Why did you do that?” She just looked at me and shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal. “That would have been THE PERFECT picture, why did you walk in front of the camera in the middle of me taking pictures?” I was so irritated, annoyed and angry at her but I was able to keep my voice down and say it calmly, although it was in an irritated tone. I all the sudden had no desire to take more pictures and went inside to finish making the dinner while I was fuming inside. ‘UGH, why did she not walk in front of the camera the whole time and THE MOMENT I would have gotten THE PERFECT picture, she walks in front of it right then? THE ONLY TIME she did that had to be THAT ONLY TIME Aiden smiled in the direction of the camera!!! GOSH, I HATE BEING A MOTHER.”
Jay could tell I was flustered and he said to me, “It’s just a picture. You can take more.” Oh, don’t you just love how men sympathize so well and know just what to say to calm you down instantly and make you feel better? Ha. I said to him, “It’s not about just the picture, it’s way more than that. This is the story of my life, every time I try to do something I want to do, the kids interrupt or make it harder or just ruin it. And it isn’t just a picture, it was the perfect picture, that one picture I was hoping to get. Now, I have to try all over again in hopes that I’d get a chance at that perfect shot.” He still didn’t get it and left me alone for a few minutes. Then he came out with me to try to help me entertain Aiden and get him to laugh, which worked since Aiden is such a daddy’s boy and loves his daddy, so I ended up getting really good shots of him(you can see here). Jay might not be the best sympathizer, but he is constantly doing all he can to make my life easier.
I wish I could say frustrating moments happen on a rare occasion as a mother and it’s not the norm. But it is the norm. It happens everyday I am with my kids,  especially since I’ve had my 3rd child. 3 is a crowd, guys, it really is true! Not everyday where I think I hate being a mother, but everyday where they test my patience. They whine or fight continuously and by their 6th fight in less than 30 mins., I lose my patience. I am trying to tidy up the kitchen as they’re eating lunch and they ask me to get them more of this, more of that, spill their water more than once,  start bickering, and what I would have got done in 15 mins. of cleaning turns into 40 mins., then right back to cleaning the lunch they ate and the spills and the messes they made. It’s when I am getting ready for church and we are running late and I am struggling just to get out the door dressed and with shoes on, with plans to put on my make-up in the car in 30 secs. that my girls come in the bathroom and ask me to do their hair, or help them to find their missing stocking. “Ugh, I can’t even get ready.” is what I’m thinking while I get them ready and I go to church not looking or feeling my best.
A couple days ago, I had another frustrating moment as a mother when I thought, “Ugh, being a mother is SO hard. I hate being a mom sometimes.” I can’t even remember what had happened for me to say that in my head but I had an immediate thought come over me. “Every time I get frustrated or I feel I’ve had it up to here and fed up, every time I think to myself that I hate being a mother at this very moment, it means I am a really good mother. If I was a bad mother, I wouldn’t get fed up or feel I’ve had it up to here at my wits end. If I was a bad mother, I wouldn’t find motherhood the toughest job I’ve ever had because I would put my needs and wants first and therefore, not get burnt out. I am constantly dropping whatever I am doing to meet their every need and every little wants that they can’t do for themselves. I am constantly getting burnt out because I don’t take care of myself first. And every time I feel my kids are taking me to my max capacity of patience and sanity, it means I am stretching my capacity to becoming more patient, resilient and strong. It means I am a better mother, a better person every time I feel this way.”
I started getting teary-eyed as I felt peace wash over me and a calm happiness. I knew it was right. I am a wonderful mom. I put their needs and wants over mine, and that is why I get burnt out so much. I am so involved in their lives and spend all my time with them and that is why they drive me crazy sometimes. So from now on, every time you have that moment when you hate motherhood and feel an overwhelming, over-flowing feeling of frustration and annoyance, I  want you to smile and say to yourself, “This is good news. This means I am stretching my capacity for patience and becoming that much of a better, stronger person. It means I am a good mother.” And know that you are not alone. We all find this job of a motherhood so so difficult. But it is worth it and more. And the positives out-weigh the negatives by a million-fold. I really mean that. It is so worth it and more. And you are doing a wonderful job, you are a very good mother.

My Sleeping Angel

~ Etc.

These pictures make me cry. It makes me sad that I don’t have many sleeping pictures of him and he’s already turning two at the end of this month. I see these adorable pictures on Instagram of babies napping and the pictures are taken in a bright natural light, but I always make my kids nap with the blackout curtains and it’s really dark which keeps me from taking pictures of my kids. I think this is my very first time taking a picture of him napping since he was a newborn and it breaks my heart knowing that. He’s not a baby anymore. I wish I had taken more pictures of him while he napped, there’s just something about little babies and kids sleeping that gets me. I wish I had pictures of him sleeping when he was 6 months old, a year old, 18 months old. 
This little guy is hitting the terrible two’s with his screams and meltdowns and surprisingly, I am way more patient with him than I was with my other two. Maybe it’s because I know the terrible two’s won’t last for a long time and even though everyone thinks he’s 3 since he’s so tall, he still looks so little to me, compared to his two big sisters. So when he screams and cries, I can’t help but smile at his cuteness and think how adorable is it that he’s freaking out over something so small but then when you think about it, it’s the worst thing that’s happened to him in his whole life so it’s pretty traumatizing to him. How cute is that? To think he’s only lived for so short that the saddest moments of his life is when his mommy makes you leave the playground that you so love playing and want to stay longer. I smile in secret so he can’t see because I don’t want him to know I think it’s kind of cute and it might encourage him to do it more. And no matter how terrible the terrible two’s might be, and I am sure there will come a time when I won’t be patient with his meltdowns and lose my patience, but even then, I am sure my heart will melt as I look at his sleeping face and he looks like a true angel, so quiet and so innocent. 
Sometimes I am so tempted to post plethora of pictures of my kids because, like other mothers, I think my kids are the cutest. And I want to show off how cute they are to the world and I know the world will fall in love with them because like my boy here, he is truly the happiest, sweetest, funniest  and goofiest little 23 month old. But then I think it’s not worth their lack of privacy and I don’t need the whole world to fall in love with my kids and adore them, they just need me and Jay to do that. So these once in awhile snippets will have to do.

Am I done having kids or do I want one more?

~ Etc.

The girls’ scooters and my son’s 3-in-1 scooter are c/o Micro Kickboard. 
My daughters own the Micro Maxi Scooter and my son rides the Micro Mini 3-in-1.
I love having 3 kids. The best thing about having 3 kids? It’s a party all the time. With 2 kids, it was awesome with things under control and well balanced, but I always considered my family a little family of 4, just me and my husband and 2 kids. But with 3 kids, it’s chaotic, busy, overwhelming, but so much fun, rambunctious and it’s a party all the time! I don’t consider my family a small family anymore, oh, it’s way too chaotic to be considered small! 
And depending on the day, I want another child. Today, not so much, Ha! They were so moody today, but so was I! Sometimes I worry my little boy will grow up feeling a little lonely, wishing he had a brother or a sister closer to his age. My two girls are 16 months apart and are best-est friends whose interests are exactly the same. Then when my two girls were 4 and 5 years old, my son was born, so I feel like I need to have another child that’s closer to his age since his sisters are basically twins and so close.
Before my son was born, we got the girls these scooters and my son would just watch them or I’d have to bike around with him since he always wants to play with his sisters and adores them. So we got him this little scooter, and you should have seen the first time he rode around with his sister, he was beaming left and right! He was so happy he was “same same” as his older sisters. And the last picture, he had just learned minutes before that if he lifts up his legs, he can go down fast and he doesn’t have to walk his legs while going down on his scooter! He was so proud of himself. He tries so hard to keep up with his sisters and the girls are so sweet, they always come back around to him to go with him or to wait for him. It makes me feel less guilty that he’s kind of the odd one out and the third-wheel. He’ll be fine being the only boy in the family and having two sisters who are 4 and 5 years older than him, right? He wouldn’t feel left out right? And his sisters will always make sure to include him? I don’t know. It’s something I am constantly debating about. Why can’t we have children without ever going through the pregnancy, the labor & the recovery, breastfeeding and getting practically no sleep for 6 months and all the poopy diapers? I’d have 10 kids if that was the case!
But then I look at these adorable pictures of my cute kids that I am completely obsessed with, and I think to myself, ‘Every single pain and frustrations and hardships I went through to have them and raise them has been worth every single bit and more. And the happiness and the laughter they have brought to my life triumphs all the hardships by ten fold.’ So right when I am thinking I am ready to have another kid, someone spills cocktail sauce on the carpet and two of them get in a fight and start crying……
Do any of you ever debate over whether you’re done having kids or not? What is your dilemma? 

*While the scooters were gifted to us, I was not paid to write my experience with the scooters.