I might have mentioned this before but one of the things I dislike about blogging is that I talk way too much about myself. In real life, I am a very good listener and love to ask questions about other people and listen to their stories. I always say people are the way they are, the way they think because of their experiences and no matter how crazy one’s choices might seem or different from mine, if I take the time to get to know them and why they behave or think a certain way, there’s always a reason. There’s always a reason why people make certain choices that they do. I know my way or my views in life isn’t always right, and I love finding about other people so that I’d be more understanding and open-minded of other people.
Awhile ago, someone left a comment on my blog and said something similar to, “I have decided to stop reading your blog. It has not been uplifting for a long time.” I appreciated her honesty and wished she would explain it further. But two things that came to my mind was 1. I write sponsored posts now. And 2. I don’t write about my thoughts and feelings as much. I have started earning money with this blog starting this past December and it’s been fun and exciting for me. I told you before, but my blog is a stepping stone to my clothing line which is a stepping stone to helping children in third world countries. I have been saving up the money to start my clothing line because for some reason, I want to start my business completely independently, I guess it makes me feel powerful and independent and self sufficient to be able to say I started a company using the money I earned for myself and not through debt or a loan or with the help of someone else? I am and always will be picky with what company/product I introduce you to and it’s only after I read and study up on the product and love it that I agree to write a sponsored post. I turn down many such as just last week I turned down a tampon company, a phone app, a jewelry store, and a clothing company. Will you let me know when I write too many sponsored posts? I write 1-2 sponsored posts a week but I think 3 or more would be way too many. Or will you tell me anything I could improve on or write more/less of? I have a hard head and I can take it. I am very honest with people, sometimes maybe too honest, but as much as I give, I can take it also. And about 2. not writing much about my thoughts and feelings anymore, I realized why. It’s funny because I think about life and values and how I could improve as a person way more than ever before, but with 3 kids, at the end of the day, I am so exhausted the last thing I want to do is to think more and take the time to write down my thoughts. I just want to do something that needs no thoughts or energy from me so I eat and watch T.V. Haha. But like I said in my previous post, I feel like I am finally getting the hang of having 3 kids so I feel like I have more time for myself such as writing down my thoughts!
ANYWAY… so yes I am just talking more about myself. But one thing I would love to see change is I’d love for you to comment here about your stories! I want my blog posts to be a discussion, not just a one-sided story where I talk and that’s that. I read each comment and I love going to your blogs to find out more about yourself! I want my blog to be like a girlfriends hang out where I can listen to you and find out more about you. So please, feel free to comment with whatever that comes to your mind after reading my posts!
And last but not least, tonight was not a good night. I made my kids cry, one of them cried hysterically as I told them I was going to put them in day care starting tomorrow and went on the computer to search for day cares(I don’t think there’s anything wrong with day cares, but for some reason my girls are scared of day cares). They came and stood next to me crying saying but mommy, I will only get to be with you for 2 hours after day care! I was set on sending them to day care because I was done. I was done asking them to do something over and over but feeling like I was invisible and no one cares what I say or do. Of course that’s not true but I felt like it when I cleaned their mess for over an hour but it still didn’t look clean which is so discouraging and I was stressing about Jay coming home and thinking I didn’t do much or I’m not a good stay at home mom. I told my two girls to clean up 3 times and they still were just walking around the house minding their own business. “Do you not have ears? Do you not see me, am I just invisible to you? Are you stupid?” Yes, I asked that last question. I quickly added, “I know you can hear, I know you see me, I know you are not stupid so why are you not listening?” But the girls burst into tears and went in their rooms. And Jay kept going into the rooms to try to make them feel better.
We made up after I started crying while searching for day cares and saying, “I don’t want to put you guys in day care!!!” Then the girls came and hugged me and we cuddled as we all cried(good thing Jay and our son was in the backyard) together. Then I made chocolate chip cookies and read books together and all was better. How grateful I am that kids forgive so easily. And even through all my imperfections and impatience as a mother, they still accept me and love me so much. I believe one of the reasons why God made kids so pure and loving and so quick to forgive is because so they would help the parents to grow. To make us keep trying. To help us to learn to forgive ourselves quickly also and dust it off and try again the next day. To give us hope in trying everyday. If the kids stopped loving us or gave up on us, would we try again the next day?
So my question for you is, have you ever threatened your kids? Did it work? 😉