SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU Archives

Sunday Best on Mother’s Day

May 12, 2019~ MOTHERHOOD, SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

The Invisible Woman by Nicole Johnson

It started to happen gradually…

I would walk into a room and say something and no one would notice. I would say , Turn the TV down, please.” And nothing would happen. So I would get louder. “Turn the TV down please!” Finally I would have to go over and turn the TV down myself.

And then I started to notice it elsewhere. My husband and I had been at a party for about three hours and I was ready to go. I looked over and he was talking to a friend from work, and I walked over and he kept right on talking. He didn’t even turn toward me.

That’s when I started to put it together. He can’t see me. I’m invisible. I’m invisible. Then I started to notice it more and more.

I would walk my son to school and his teacher would say, “Jake, who’s that with you?” And my son would say, “Nobody.” Granted he’s just five, but nobody?

One night, a group of us gathered and we were celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just taken this fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

And I was sitting there, looking around at the other women at the table. I’d put my makeup on in the car on the way there. I had an old dress because it was the only thing clean. And I had my unwashed hair pulled up in a banana clip and I was feeling pretty darn pathetic.

Then Janice turned to me and said, “I brought you this.” It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I did not understand. And then I read her inscription.

She wrote “With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.”

You can’t name the names of the people who built the great cathedrals. Over and over again looking at these mammoth works you scan down to find the names and it says, “Builder unknown, unknown, unknown.” They completed things not knowing that anyone would notice.

There’s a story about one of the builders who was carving a tiny bird on the inside a beam that would be covered over by a roof. And someone came up to him and said,

“Why are you spending so much time on something no one will ever see? And it’s reported that the builder replied, “Because God sees.”

They trusted that God saw everything. They gave their whole lives for a work, a mammoth work they would never see finished. They showed up day after day.

Some of these cathedrals took over 100 years to build. That was more than one working man’s lifetime. Day after day. And they made personal sacrifices for no credit.

Showing up at a job they would never see finished for a building their name would never be on. One writer even goes so far as to say no great cathedrals will ever be built again because so few people are willing to sacrifice to that degree.

I closed the book, and it was if I heard God say, I see you. You are not invisible to me. No sacrifice is too small for me to notice.

I see every cupcake baked, every sequin sewn on and I smile over every one. I see every tear of disappointment when things don’t go the way you want them to go.

But remember, you are building a great cathedral. It will not be finished in your life time. And sadly, you will never get to live there. But if you build it well, I will.”

At times my invisibility has felt like an affliction to me. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of self- centeredness. It is the antidote to my own pride. It’s okay that they don’t see. It’s okay that they don’t know.

I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college, “You’re not gonna believe what my mom does. She gets up at 4:00 in the morning and she bakes pies and hand bastes a turkey and she presses all the linens.”

Even if I do all those things, I don’t want him to say that. I want him to want to come home. And secondly, I want him to say to his friend, “You’re gonna love it there.”

It’s okay they don’t see. We don’t work for them. We work for Him. We sacrifice for Him. They will never see, not if we do it right, not if we do it well.

Let’s pray that our work will stand as a monument to an even greater God.

On the Top of the Washington Monument are the words no one can see

“LAUS DEO,” which is Latin for “Praise be to God,”

How I Raise My Kids to be Well-Behaved

April 9, 2019~ FAMILY, MOTHERHOOD, SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

This post is in partnership with fairlife ultra-filtered milk and all opinions are my own.

One comment I get the most about my children is how well-behaved and sweet they are. Whether it be their teachers, their friends’ moms, or my friends, they ask me all the time how I raise them to be so well-behaved! My reply to them is always is that they were born this way! Heaven knew I’d be the worst mom in the world otherwise because I am not a patient enough person. So for the children’s sakes, I was given naturally well-behaved and sweet kids.

Of course my kids are not always well behaved and they bicker and argue here and there, and one constant thing they fight over is who gets to drink the last bit of our fairlife ultra-filtered milk. Every single bottle, every single time, guys! It’s more of a playful fight but then sometimes they get serious and say things like, “No, that’s not fair! You got to drink the last bit last time so it’s my turn!”

While they fight over the last cup of fairlife milk because it just tastes really good and they prefer the taste over any other milk, plain and simple, I prefer to give them fairlife milk because of all the nutritional value it offers. You can compare it to other milks for yourself here but while some brands of coconut milk and almond milk offers 0-1g of protein per 8 oz., fairlife offers 13 g. of protein. Compared to the regular 2% milk we used to drink, fairlife has 50% less sugar, 50% more protein and 30% more calcium. Compared to soy milk, fairlife has almost double the protein and 30% less calories per serving!

This is why I feel really good feeding my kids fairlife milk. It’s also lactose-free so my mom and my husband can drink it without having to go to the bathroom 30 mins. later. Too much info?

And how do I settle my children’s last bit of milk debate? I let my kids debate and handle it on their own and they usually come to a peaceful conclusion all on their own. They really are good kids and I am a very lucky mama to have them in my life. Heaven knew I’d be the worst mom in the world, because otherwise I am not a patient enough person. So for the children’s sake, I was given naturally well-behaved and sweet kids.

But no one is ever satisfied with that answer, which I wholeheartedly believe to be true. So they nudge and keep asking if there are specific things I do or ways I discipline them so I thought a blog post might be helpful on ways I raise my children. I don’t know if these will work for other parents but this is the way I raise mine and maybe you’ll find it helpful.

How I Raise My Kids to be Well-Behaved

I try to lead by example foremost instead of by lecturing or nagging. I don’t wail my arms around and scream in the middle of a grocery aisle if my kids tell me no or bite them when I get mad. But seriously, I was once told that the biggest influence on how our kids will turn out, is who we are as parents, not what kind of school they go to, what kind of music they listened to in our womb, what extra-curricular activities we have them do. Because actions speak louder than words. I am so far from perfect and I have so much to work on but I constantly try to strive to improve myself and be better. I am quick to apologize and explain to them why I yelled at them or did things I wasn’t proud of, and what I learned from it and why I regret it, but how I will do better from then on. I believe it’s very important for our kids to see that we are imperfect, flawed human beings and seeing us not as “adults who have got it figured out and got it all together” but instead seeing us as “human beings” whom are navigating this world and learning as we go by trial and error, just like they are.

I try to minimize the “dominant role” I have as a parent. I believe using my title as “I am the adult, I am the parent, I set the rules in this household and you just have to obey” creates this power dynamic that is unhealthy and minimizes their individuality and self-identity and confidence. I always tell them that no matter how much I think I teach them and show them the ways, they will always shape me and teach me to be a better person, way more than I ever will to them. I try to always listen to their opinions, insights, why they think their punishment is unfair and what punishment sounds more fair to them, discuss together in setting rules, or curfews, so that they learn to voice their opinions or debate using healthy communication to stand up for themselves. There is a balance of course to this, I believe in being a parent first and their friend second and I demand respect from them and they demand the same respect but they know that I get a final say in the end, after listening and discussing with them.

Kindness is always cool. Kindness is always the right choice. Of course there are times when you need to use self-defense and not be a pushover but for the not extreme circumstances, kindness is always cool, it is never outdated. I tell them to watch for those kids during recess that are playing alone, to reach out to them and be their friend so no one is alone during recess(unless they want to) or to always stand up to bullies and protect their friends and classmates.

In order to stop our children’s behavior, we need to first understand and sympathize why they are behaving that way first. Only once they feel understood, they will stop their behavior on their own. I let my children express their emotions without shaming them or trying to quiet them. I don’t tell them to stop or tell my son that boys don’t cry or stop being a wuss, they know that they can express their emotions fully and as long as they need to, without me shaming them or judging them or trying to rush their emotional process. I acknowledge how they much feel by reiterating to them and saying, “It’s hard to leave when you are having so much fun, huh?” When they are throwing a fit because they don’t want to leave the playground. Or “I can imagine how frustrated and annoying that must be to have your little sibling always get into your stuff and sometimes break them. I’d feel frustrated and annoyed too, I am sorry.” Once they feel understood and sympathized, they calm down and snuggle me in silence, no more feeling like they need to explain or prove to me why they feel the way they do.

I do not let them get away with any amount of sass or attitude. I will not take it whatsoever. At the first sign of sass or attitude, I zap it and tell them to stop. That I do not tolerate any ounce of sass or attitude.

If it’s a problem they can solve on their own, I let them solve it on their own and don’t interfere to be the middle-man(see my fairlife ultra-filtered milk example above for how my children have learned to resolve this problem on their own). It’s important for them to learn to argue or fight and learn to negotiate and make amends on their own.

I used the 1-2-3 method(a lot when they were younger, less so now). If they misbehaved, I gave them one warning. If they do it again, I silently just raise my 2 fingers and look at them firmly in the eyes. If they do it one more time, they go sit in the corner of the room or in their room(whichever they prefer). So for example, if my child came to me and asked for a snack, I explain that they cannot have a snack since I am making dinner and we will be eating dinner in 30 mins. And I want them to fill up their tummy with nutritious food instead so they will grow healthy and strong. If they whine and ask again, I raise my hand or say “That’s one.” If they ask again, I say, “That’s two.” or raise my two fingers. If they do it again, they go in the corner. I know some people don’t believe in the time-out method and I understand why shutting them in their room all alone(especially when they are babies or toddlers) can be traumatic for them. So I had them just to in the corner of whatever room I am in so they can still see me and I am in the same space as them and they know that I am not shutting them out. This distance is so that I don’t go crazy and lose my patience but also for them to have some quiet reflection time. Before using this 1-2-3 method, you’d need to explain to your children how it works and what they can expect. And with certain things, you don’t give them 3 chances, especially as they get older, some they only get one warning or two warnings.

Follow through. Always, always follow through. The 1-2-3 method will not work if you don’t put them in the corner or give them some other form of discipline. If you tell them, “If I count to 3 and you haven’t put your shoes on yet, you will not be able to go to your friend’s house.” And they don’t put their shoes on before you counted to 3, you have to follow through and they don’t get to play at their friend’s house. I have had my preschooler stay home from school because I told her that would be her discipline if she didn’t cooperate(which I quickly learned was more of a punishment for me since I didn’t get my free time! Never happened again!), or we turned around and went straight home when we were on our way to go get ice-cream and the kids kept fighting and bickering at each other. We gave them one warning and then they didn’t listen so we drove back home and they were devastated. But after that, they knew we meant what we said and that we weren’t joking around.

I hope you found my list above helpful for you.

Let me know in the comments if you’ve ever tried fairlife ultra-filtered milk and if you have any other tips for me on raising well behaved kids! I am always open to suggestions on parenting because once we know better, we can do better.

How Dream Boards Work

April 7, 2019~ SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

#sharingmyheartwithyou A few months ago I had each of my family member make a dream board. I’ve heard many times of the importance of goal setting & writing them down, from every TED talk, book, the law of attraction & all that.

And I’ve had many things come true so I’m a firm believer in writing it down & making it known to the Universe!

So I had my family make their dream board which we shared with each other. One of mine was how I wished our dream house will turn out the way I envisioned & drew the house with double doors, even though we had already decided on a single door because Jay was adamantly against it.

Later that night after the kids went to bed, Jay told me, “If you want double doors, let’s have double doors.” My jaw dropped because it wasn’t an option before, he wouldn’t even consider it!

Then as I looked at my daughter’s & she wrote she wished to be a great singer, as good as Ariana Grande, I thought well, I better help her make it happen! So for a week I researched, read reviews, asked around & found an amazing voice teacher for her.

Then, a thought came over me. ‘This is why writing down your dreams & goals work. Because your guardian angels & ancestors in Heaven sees it & will guide you & help you to achieve it. Just like how Jay loves you so much & you love your girl so much, you’re willing to do everything in your power to give your loved ones what they wish for, so are your loved ones in Heaven. And while your resources like time, money or connections are limited, their resources are limitless. And while they can’t read your mind, if you write it down & put it on display, they’ll see it and they’ll do everything in their power to help you achieve it.”

I think there are many other reasons why writing things down highers the chance of it coming to fruition but I do believe this is part of the reason why. What are your thoughts?

What I do When People Make Me Mad

April 3, 2019~ SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

I was driving in my neighborhood on my way to drop my child off & running a few mins. behind. One car pulled over to park on the side of the road while the 2nd car just came to a stop right in the middle of the road. There wasn’t any room for me to go around so I waited, thinking she’ll move soon enough. She had stopped where it was the most convenient to her, next to her friend who had just parked to the side.

After waiting & no apparent sign of her moving, I honked lightly. I waited some more & nothing. I honked again, this time a little bit louder, & still nothing.

Finally, the girl who parked on the side got out of her car to tap on the window & yelled, “Move!” She finally started pulling to the side & as I drove by, I felt annoyed.

The thought, ‘I don’t get how people can be so selfish & entitled?’ started to creep up on me when I stopped myself & said, “Maybe she’s deaf. Maybe she didn’t hear me at all.” Then my annoyance & irritation suddenly went away & it was immediately replaced with sympathy & understanding. I said a silent prayer that she’ll have a good day & went about my day.

When we hold any negativity in our heart towards someone, what good does it do? Does having that negative feeling benefit them or ourselves or improve the situation in any way?

So instead of being appalled & thinking, ‘Man! I just don’t understand people sometimes. They’re so selfish/rude/entitled/pathetic!’, give them the best excuse you can think of.

If a car cuts you off & then has the audacity to flip you off, instead of saying what is wrong with him/her? And getting irritated or angry, give them an excuse of why they might feel that way. Oh, they must have just gotten a call that their dad was in a car accident & is in the ICU. So he’s feeling angry at the world right now which is understandable. Then instead of anger, we feel sympathy & our heart is no longer filled with negative energy.

Because in the end, when we hate/resent someone, it’s like giving them the remote control to our happiness. Don’t give them that control.