This picture captured one of my frustrating moments as a mother, a moment when I said to myself, “Being a mother SUCKS sometimes!!!”
I dressed my son in his Korean outfit that was meant for him for his 1st birthday but I didn’t get around to throwing him a birthday party then, so a year later, here I was throwing him a super simple birthday party with just us and a photo shoot of him in this outfit for his 2nd birthday. While I was taking pictures of him, I was also making dinner at the same time so I went back and forth in the kitchen to the porch about 6 times to try to get that perfect shot, and cooking, stirring, and seasoning.
I was about 20 minutes into the shoot that I had to bribe my son with candy for, to get that perfect shot of him smiling super big towards the camera. I said or made some noise, hoping it would make him laugh and while looking through the lens, I saw him give the biggest smile! With my heart beating fast and super excited I thought, “JACKPOT” as I quickly snapped a picture, hoping I’d catch it before it went away. As I pushed down on my camera button to take that picture-perfect shot, I saw a blur pass by in front of the lens. I quickly put my camera down and looked to my left to see who had ruined the perfect picture. It was my daughter who decided that for some reason it was acceptable to walk right in front of the camera in the middle of a photo shoot. I looked at her in disbelief and said, “Why did you do that?” She just looked at me and shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal. “That would have been THE PERFECT picture, why did you walk in front of the camera in the middle of me taking pictures?” I was so irritated, annoyed and angry at her but I was able to keep my voice down and say it calmly, although it was in an irritated tone. I all the sudden had no desire to take more pictures and went inside to finish making the dinner while I was fuming inside. ‘UGH, why did she not walk in front of the camera the whole time and THE MOMENT I would have gotten THE PERFECT picture, she walks in front of it right then? THE ONLY TIME she did that had to be THAT ONLY TIME Aiden smiled in the direction of the camera!!! GOSH, I HATE BEING A MOTHER.”
Jay could tell I was flustered and he said to me, “It’s just a picture. You can take more.” Oh, don’t you just love how men sympathize so well and know just what to say to calm you down instantly and make you feel better? Ha. I said to him, “It’s not about just the picture, it’s way more than that. This is the story of my life, every time I try to do something I want to do, the kids interrupt or make it harder or just ruin it. And it isn’t just a picture, it was the perfect picture, that one picture I was hoping to get. Now, I have to try all over again in hopes that I’d get a chance at that perfect shot.” He still didn’t get it and left me alone for a few minutes. Then he came out with me to try to help me entertain Aiden and get him to laugh, which worked since Aiden is such a daddy’s boy and loves his daddy, so I ended up getting really good shots of him(you can see here). Jay might not be the best sympathizer, but he is constantly doing all he can to make my life easier.
I wish I could say frustrating moments happen on a rare occasion as a mother and it’s not the norm. But it is the norm. It happens everyday I am with my kids, especially since I’ve had my 3rd child. 3 is a crowd, guys, it really is true! Not everyday where I think I hate being a mother, but everyday where they test my patience. They whine or fight continuously and by their 6th fight in less than 30 mins., I lose my patience. I am trying to tidy up the kitchen as they’re eating lunch and they ask me to get them more of this, more of that, spill their water more than once, start bickering, and what I would have got done in 15 mins. of cleaning turns into 40 mins., then right back to cleaning the lunch they ate and the spills and the messes they made. It’s when I am getting ready for church and we are running late and I am struggling just to get out the door dressed and with shoes on, with plans to put on my make-up in the car in 30 secs. that my girls come in the bathroom and ask me to do their hair, or help them to find their missing stocking. “Ugh, I can’t even get ready.” is what I’m thinking while I get them ready and I go to church not looking or feeling my best.
A couple days ago, I had another frustrating moment as a mother when I thought, “Ugh, being a mother is SO hard. I hate being a mom sometimes.” I can’t even remember what had happened for me to say that in my head but I had an immediate thought come over me. “Every time I get frustrated or I feel I’ve had it up to here and fed up, every time I think to myself that I hate being a mother at this very moment, it means I am a really good mother. If I was a bad mother, I wouldn’t get fed up or feel I’ve had it up to here at my wits end. If I was a bad mother, I wouldn’t find motherhood the toughest job I’ve ever had because I would put my needs and wants first and therefore, not get burnt out. I am constantly dropping whatever I am doing to meet their every need and every little wants that they can’t do for themselves. I am constantly getting burnt out because I don’t take care of myself first. And every time I feel my kids are taking me to my max capacity of patience and sanity, it means I am stretching my capacity to becoming more patient, resilient and strong. It means I am a better mother, a better person every time I feel this way.”
I started getting teary-eyed as I felt peace wash over me and a calm happiness. I knew it was right. I am a wonderful mom. I put their needs and wants over mine, and that is why I get burnt out so much. I am so involved in their lives and spend all my time with them and that is why they drive me crazy sometimes. So from now on, every time you have that moment when you hate motherhood and feel an overwhelming, over-flowing feeling of frustration and annoyance, I want you to smile and say to yourself, “This is good news. This means I am stretching my capacity for patience and becoming that much of a better, stronger person. It means I am a good mother.” And know that you are not alone. We all find this job of a motherhood so so difficult. But it is worth it and more. And the positives out-weigh the negatives by a million-fold. I really mean that. It is so worth it and more. And you are doing a wonderful job, you are a very good mother.
Thanks for sharing! Love your thoughts and how some silently feel the same way. Few are brave enough to be say them out loud and brave despite of all opinion on any subject.
Thanks for the excellent content. Wish to see even more shortly. Thanks again and keep up the great work!