Life is Beautiful

Motherhood, Sewing, Family

Your strength may be my weakness but my strength may be your weakness

~ Etc.

Living in a place where the internet is so readily accessible at our fingertips has it’s advantages. Keeping in touch with friends and family is so much easier and timely, the ability to learn about almost any topic that comes to mind can be obtained in seconds through the many hours of research and studies other people have already done, to name a couple.  But there is opposition in all things, and the internet has disadvantages as well.  One which I want to focus on is how the internet makes it easy for us to compare our weaknesses to somebody else’s strengths.  Not just one or two other people, but literally thousands of people.
I am pretty good at not comparing myself to others or feeling jealous but I’d be lying if it has never happened to me. It’s mostly at times when I’m really tired or frustrated,  unhappy or feeling insecure.  But it sneaks up on me and sometimes it can be good, motivating me and pushing me to do better, but often times it leaves me feeling a little bitter and jealous or envious. Comparison can happen outside of the internet of course, through our neighbors, at school, at a workplace, but the number of people we see or interact with is limited. However, through the internet, our access to other people’s lives are by hundreds and thousands, thus making it a larger scale of scope for comparison, often times with strangers and people we hardly know.  When we compare ourselves with thousands of other people through the internet instead of tens of people we personally know, we are bound to meet someone that’s better than us in some aspect.  But whenever I feel this way, I quickly remember to do one thing.  To realize that the people are putting their best talents out to the world, and we don’t have the same talents.  That my talents are probably their weaknesses.  That I have many things I’m really good at, and what I’m seeing that person do so amazingly just might not be my talent.  Since I’ve come to this realization, I no longer compare myself to others.  I genuinely feel inspiration, happiness and admiration for other people’s talents that they put out to the world. 
The truth is, Everybody has strengths and weaknesses.  But anyone will feel discouraged and inadequate if they compare their weaknesses to someone else’s strengths.  So sometimes when I feel like I’m not a good enough mother or a person because I see other people on Pinterest or other blogs that are doing ridiculously clever, cute, creative crafts or outings or parties for their kids all the time, I have to remember that hey, that’s not everyday for them either, and they’re only blogging about their most clever, cute, creative ideas they’ve done.  That while I may not ever do crafts with my kids, I throw mean birthday parties for $100 or less!  I may not have the perfect marriage, but I do have many perfect moments with my husband and those people are only posting those perfect moments as well!  My kids might not always be well behaved and sweet, but all those people are posting only the cutest, most adorable, most sweet moments of their kids!  I may not have the money to go on elaborate vacations every year, but at least we don’t have any debt!  My dinner might not be the fanciest, gourmet looking dinner but it sure tastes awesome and my family loves my cooking!  Nobody’s life is perfect, but we are all blessed in one way or another.  We all have something to be grateful for in one way or another.  We are all good at something in one way or another.

I’m not good at everything, nobody is.  Can you imagine how boring the world would be if we were all just amazing at every single thing?  Where would we get inspiration?  How would we improve?  I’m pretty good at some things but when I have access to compare my talent to the world, I’m bound to meet many, many others who are so much better at it than I am.  And that’s okay!  Because whatever I’m really good at, they probably suck at.  And whatever I suck at, they are probably really good at.  The fairness evens out, I promise!

So let’s talk about my weaknesses and strengths.  Some of my non-strengths are:

-I am not good at interior design.  My house isn’t decorated like Martha Stewart.  Actually, the house isn’t decorated.  AT ALL.  I always say it’s because Jay is going to renovate it soon and break down the walls and everything, so why bother to decorate it now?  But the truth is, he’s renovated our whole basement, and I have not done one thing to decorate except for this cute rug from Ikea we got.  There are no picture frames hanging up on the wall, there are no cute tables, vases with flowers, cute pillow cases, nothing. Interior design is not my strength.
-I don’t buy organic foods.  It’s too expensive and I’ve read way too many articles that say organic foods aren’t any more nutritious or better for you than non-organic foods.  Am I a bad mom for not buying organic foods/treats/crackers for my children? NO.
– I hardly ever do crafts with them.  Doing cute crafts with them like making Christmas ornaments or garlands, or melting wax onto paper, making homemade play-dough, are not a daily thing, nor a weekly, nor a monthly thing.

-I love being alone.  So being a mother is hard for me sometimes.  As much as I love spending time with my kids and playing with them, I need my alone time.  So I let my girls play a lot with each other while I tell them to not bother me for an hour or so.  I’m not those kind of mothers who don’t mind having their kids attached to their ankle all day long.

-I’m not the most patient person in the world.  And motherhood makes me realize that everyday.  

But my strengths are:
-While I hardly to crafts with my kids, I cook with them quiet frequently.  They might make a mess, slow down the process and cause more work for me in return, but that’s how you learn to cook!  I want all my kids to be really good cooks.

-I like to cook and I make pretty awesome dinners every night.  I can count in one hand(I think 2 times) in the past 7 years the times I served frozen pizza or already made food, or grilled cheese, things like that.  This is mainly because I grew up with a mother who never served frozen food, canned food, etc for meals.  And if you do often times feed your family with quick and ready-made meals, that’s okay!  Because you are good at something else that I’m probably not the best at.

-I love to plan parties!  I love getting all the ideas together for a theme and throwing fun birthday parties.  I think I throw pretty cool parties for $100.

-I am a very sweet mother.  I give my kids affection constantly and tell them many times throughout the day how much I love them.  I have never called them names or said anything negative to tear down their self-worth or self confidence.

-I’m a person of integrity.  Most of my self confidence comes from knowing that I’m a very good, honest person.  I will not lie, cheat, manipulate, or have double motives when dealing with people.  I will always return the extra cash to the cashier if they miscalculated, or return the missing wallet, however little or big the amount of money it may be.  No amount of money is worth my integrity.

Gosh, I feel really funny saying some of those things since I feel like I’m boasting about myself, but I think it’s more than okay, healthy for us even to admit some of the things we are good at!  We are all pretty good at something.  An excerpt from a talk called “There are many gifts” says these are some of the gifts people are blessed with:

the gift of asking; the gift of listening; the gift of hearing and using a still, small voice; the gift of being able to weep; the gift of calm, the gift of avoiding contention; the gift of being agreeable; the gift of avoiding vain repetition; the gift of seeking that which is righteous; the gift of not passing judgment; the gift of looking to God for guidance; the gift of caring for others; the gift of being able to ponder; the gift of offering prayer.

I didn’t know the ability to weep was a gift!  I got that gift down!
So now it’s your turn.  What are your talents and gifts?  What are you really good at?  You can also share your weaknesses if you’d like but I want to focus more on your strengths!  Because next time you see someone do something spectacular and you have that feeling of jealousy and comparison  slowly creeping up on you, remember that that’s their strength.  And you have your own strengths that’s different than theirs.  Their strength may be your weakness, but your strength will be their weakness.  I guarantee it.

The worst habit I’ve picked up as a mother- being a night owl

~ Etc.

I am almost done with the whole box, I did share 4 of them with my family so I didn’t eat the whole thing! 😉
are those madeleines crumbs on my sweatpants?  yes, yes it is.  

I stay up way past the bedtime I should adhere to.  My average bedtime is 1:00 a.m.  Sometimes 2 a.m, sometimes even 3 a.m.  I know I should be going to bed and I know in the morning I will regret it, but it’s a vicious cycle I cannot seem to break.  It’s when I bust out all my hidden snacks such as these madeleines cookies or fancy chocolates(because my girls don’t appreciate the difference between fancy chocolates and cheap chocolates, so I don’t feel bad sharing my fancy ones, is that bad?), or eat Korean ramen that I don’t let them eat except once in awhile because it’s unhealthy, so I eat them late at night when the girls are in bed and and I don’t have to share.  I also love this time I get with my husband, but I stay up a little longer after he goes to bed because I need my alone time too.  I love, love, love being alone.  I crave being alone and this is how I get re-energized and recharged.  
It’s also the time when I let our dog Achilles inside the house to hang out with me, feeling guilty that I’ve neglected him in the day because I’ve been crazy busy taking care of three kids which is still kicking my butt.  I give him a little snack and he hangs out by my feet while I watch t.v or use the computer, but mostly I watch all my tivo’ed shows.  You’d think I would do something useful and productive but no, I do the most unproductive things during my only free time I get.  I wish I had the energy or the desire to sew or tidy up or read a book or study something, but those are the last things I want to do at the end of the day when all my energy has been spent and all I want to do is just plop down and be unproductive.  To wind down from my hectic and chaotic and beautiful life from the day and enjoy this precious time when no one is asking me to do something for them.  No one is yelling out, “Mommy!”, “Mommy!”, “Mommy?” every few minutes or seconds.  But time goes by ever so speedily and by the time I feel recharged, I look at the time and it is way past my bedtime.  

Any other night owls out there like me?  Maybe we should form a club and motivate each other to do productive things together.  We would get so much done!

I just want to pee alone!

~ Etc.

One of the hardest things about being a mother for me is not having much alone time.  As much as I can be a social butterfly and love being in the presence of my family & friends, I love being alone even more.  It’s when I organize out my thoughts.  It’s when I fill up spiritually, mentally & physically and how I find my balance.  I crave being alone and cherish those rare moments I get.  
The hardest thing about being a mother for me is being tired and sleepy all the dang time.  All day, everyday, at every moment.  I could nap at any given moment in the day, if only I could.  I know this is a phase with a newborn especially and it’ll get better, but when I’m tired, I’m way more irritable, less patient, and way less fun.  Yesterday, I was rushing to get myself ready and also change my baby’s diaper, bundle him up, pack the diaper bag, put him in the car seat and buckle him up, a process of about 15 mins. all so that I could go pick up my two kids from school 5 mins. away and come right back.  As I drove to get my girls I thought, “I am so tired and sleepy, and I’m so dang tired of always being so tired and sleepy!  I just want to cry!”  And cry, I did.  
So a couple months ago, I had the urge to go to the bathroom to go number two(come on, I know you all do it too, don’t be shy!), I walked to the bathroom and closed the door and the moment I sat down on the toilet seat, I hear the door open and in comes my two always energetic, never tired little girls.  One sat on the sink counter and the other set up a card in front of me so I could play a game with her.  As my stomach was squished on my thighs so I could reach the cards to play and trying to concentrate both on game playing and you know what, I thought, man!  They just never leave me alone!  When I pee, they follow me, when I poo, they follow me, when I nurse, they follow me and sit right next to me in the rocking chair, they just never let me have any alone time or some peace!  So I quickly kicked them out of the bathroom.  Then I made a rule for my girls to abide by.  When mommy is in the bathroom, you can’t come in, you have to leave her alone.  I told them a few times to instill the rule in them hard and strong.  When they tried to come in after that, I always reminded them of the rule and off they went away each time.  
That went on for about a week and one afternoon as I was sitting on the toilet by myself, it hit me.  They love me so much, they always want to be with me.  They like me so much that they’re willing to come sit right next to me while I’m on the toilet.  They like being around me so much that the smell doesn’t bother them one bit.! They’re still so little and innocent, they don’t think it’s weird at all that they come hang out with me in the bathroom.  How long will this last?  How long until they say, “Ew, that is so gross, mom.” and willingly leave me alone to have some peace, even without me asking them to?  How long until they don’t dare step one foot in the bathroom while I’m doing my business, even when I beg them to come inside to hang out with me?  
So since that day, that rule has been abolished.  Since that day, the girls know that the bathroom door is always open for them.  It’s actually been good for me as I’ve become quiet the multi-tasker, concentrating on playing board games with  my girls while concentrating on pushing at the same time!  It’s a talent I tell ya!  But in all seriousness the truth is, I may be tired and I may be craving some alone time, but when this moment is gone, I will crave this moment so much more.

The perfect Mother’s Day gift

~ Etc.

photo by Jessica Peterson

Growing up, I always wished I had more money around Mother’s Day so I could buy my mom fancy gifts and things she really loved instead of my lame homemade card or a small, simple gift.  I felt a little foolish for only being able to give something so little to my mother who’s done everything for me and thought, “Oh how she would love to receive a fancy new dress instead of this journal I got for her!  Or an expensive handbag!  One day when I get older and have more money, I will be sure to spoil her with all those things and give her what she would really want for Mother’s Day…”  

Now that I have my own children and I’m older & do spoil my mother with things, I realize how wrong I was!  The perfect Mother’s Day gift is a homemade card or a small, simple gift.  That is all I ever want for any occasion of mine whether it’s a birthday, Valentine’s day, Mother’s Day, or an anniversary.  Spending money is easy and doesn’t require much time, but a thoughtful Mother’s Day card or a small thoughtful present(homemade is the best and my personal favorite from my husband- a poem!) telling me how much they love and appreciate me?  No money could ever buy the happiness, satisfaction, and pride I feel from receiving those gifts.
Both of my daughters made me something in Preschool and while their teachers told them it was to be a surprise, my youngest couldn’t contain her excitement so she already let me get a sneak peek and I am so excited to receive it on Mother’s Day!  It’s a peacock she painted using her hand print on a white tile and in the back she wrote why she loves her mommy.  It’s the perfect gift and I can’t think anything else I’d rather have.  Well, besides plethora of kisses and hugs I would love to receive on Mother’s Day!
Happy Mother’s Day to my mother and my mother in law, and happy Mother’s Day to all the women in the world!  I believe this holiday is not just for women with children, but for every single woman because we are all mothers in some way, always nurturing, teaching, and helping someone outside of ourselves.  May you have a beautiful Mother’s Day. 

If only I could control time

~ Etc.

I organized my girls’ closet yesterday and put away all their clothes that were too small.  It’s always a bitter sweet emotion for me as I fold away their clothes because I can recall a memory with every article of clothing.  Their cream ruffle dress they wore to our dear friend’s wedding where they danced all night and laughed and didn’t want to leave.  Their bright fuchsia summer dress they wore on hot Summer nights when we would sit outside on our front lawn while eating our favorite popsicle and waiting for daddy to come home from work.  Some memories are not so pleasant, like a pink leotard Adi wore to her recital on her last day of Summer dance camp and right when I was unbuckling Ana from her car seat to go inside, she vomited all over her, all over the car, and all over me so we had to go home and by the time I washed both of us up, cleaned the car and the car seat and quickly drove back to the recital, we had just missed it.  I got back in the car after picking Adi up and cried.  The funny thing is, I remember thinking being a mother is so hard and this moment sucks, but looking back, I would go back to that incident without a thought in order to be able to kiss Ana’s bald head one more time, or to hear Adi’s sweet little 2 year old voice once again.  I need to remember that whenever I am feeling burned out or overwhelmed with motherhood, in 5 years, I would go back to right now without a thought in order to be able to enjoy my 4 and 5 year old daughters once more.  And thankfully most memories associated with the clothes are pleasant and happy memories and I cry every time as I fold their clothes and put it in a bag to be put away in the basement.  “Oh how I wish I could go back to this time when they used to fit into these clothes…’
Lately the girls have been into measuring their hand against mine to see how big their hands are getting.  Or standing tall and straight next to me in the mirror and saying, “Mommy, see? I’m almost to your boobies!”  And this is just a wild guess but I think I just might shed a tear or two, or two thousand when one day they say to me, “Mommy, see?  I’m now taller than you!” It’ll probably happen when they’re 8, so I better start preparing myself now. 😉