Life is Beautiful

Motherhood, Sewing, Family

BEAUTIFY WHERE YOU ARE

~ HOME, MOTHERHOOD, SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

 



I was the meanest mom the other day. We had to leave the house for the kids’ extra curricular activities with 10 mins. to spare. I thought to myself, ‘Oh good, I can straighten my hair and grab something to eat in the car.” But right then, my daughter came and asked if I could cut her bangs. I should’ve just told her I’d do it when we get home later that night. But I begrudgingly said fine and started snapping her hair. I was so irritated. I was hungry, I was sleepy, I looked like crap, I thought I had 10 mins. to do something for me, but nope! The story of my life. Between 3 kids, it’s non-stop questions, non-stop paying attention, non-stop requests. It is exhausting. That’s the word to describe motherhood perfectly, don’t you think? If we are being a pessimist for a sec. here? Have you ever been responsible for something that makes you as exhausted mentally, spiritually & physically, in every realm of your being? I don’t think so.

Then I snapped. “Ugh, don’t ask me to do something for you 10 mins. before we have to leave somewhere! Do you think I have nothing to do and I just stand around the house waiting for you guys to call my name for help? I have things to do too, I have a life of my own!” My inner-voice told me at this moment that this wasn’t her fault, that I was acting out on my own frustrations and anger towards myself to her. I knew I should stop. But I let the anger carry me on. She tried to walk away but I said sternly, “Come back here.” and made her come back. As I continued cutting her hair I said, “I was going to do MY hair, I was going to grab something to eat because I ate a yogurt today and that’s it, I had plans within these 10 mins. that I’m now spending on you!!!”

Then I saw a tear slowly roll down my beautiful, sweet girl’s face. My amazing, obedient, easiest child a parent could ask for. My heart crushed and I. felt. like. the. biggest. failure. I hated myself so much at that moment. The hatred and the anger I felt for myself was so intense. This was my meanest moment as a mother. I was so ashamed. Then I felt so much anger at motherhood. The endless emotional roller-coaster of frustration, anger, losing it and yelling, then instant shame, regret and guilt, then anger and hatred towards myself. Here we go again.

As I was beating myself up and feeling the lowest of lows as a mother, a thought came to me.

“Forgive yourself immediately and start beautifying right where you are.” Feeling guilt is necessary in order to motivate us to change. But as soon as we feel the guilt and we realize the wrong we have done and feel remorse, this is when we need to promptly forgive ourselves. And start beautifying our surroundings, no matter how much bad we’ve done or how low we might be. Have you ever had a moment where you made a mistake and then said to yourself, “I have already sinned, it’s too late, might as well keep sinning because I am a big failure, it’s too late now?” Well, THAT IS NOT TRUE! Two wrongs don’t make a right! One minute of sinning vs. two minutes of sinning are completely different. One minute of sinning is half of the sin as 2 mins. of sinning. You can stop at any second, that’s better than keep doing the sin. And beating ourselves more than necessary and feeling the guilt a second longer than it’s necessary is also a big mistake. The moment we feel sorry and feel remorse and vow to ourselves to do better, that is the very moment we need to forgive ourselves. And focus on beautifying our surroundings. Because if we keep focusing on our guilt, we can’t beautify. That’s how the adversity tries to get us to not progress. To get us stuck in the unnecessary stage of ongoing guilt and shame.

A few hours later, I saw how my big mistake beautified the day that much more. Since I felt so sorry for what I had done, I apologized to my daughter several times and asked for her forgiveness. I told her how every time I get mad at her, it’s always me and never her. That I am still trying to act in situations instead of reacting, to control the spurts of emotions that are not positive. I kissed her more. I hugged her more. I told her the wonderful qualities I admired in her. I paid more attention to her. I was more gentle and loving towards her. I felt very humbled and asked God to help me be more patient and strong. I saw how beautiful my life was. And how wonderful my husband and kids are and how much I loved and cherished my family. I felt immense peace, joy and humility. What a beautiful surrounding I had created the rest of the day from a single moment of mistake.

So next time you make a mistake, don’t keep doing it. Stop immediately. Then let the guilt motivate you to do better. Then immediately forgive yourself and start beautifying right where you are.

 

 

 

 

If you enjoyed this post, read more of my #sharingmyheartwithyoust posts.

TRULY REMARKABLE PEOPLE

~ SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

 

 

 

I have a serious question for you. Is there a certain job you’d be embarrassed to tell people about? I’ll go first.

When I was in College, I saw someone I knew working a graveyard shift as a janitor in the library. I felt bad that I ran into her because I didn’t want her to be embarrassed, since I’d be embarrassed to run into someone I knew if I had her job. How foolish I was.

I relayed this story to my close friend & Jay and to my dismay, both told me they would not be embarrassed at all. That any honest job is respectable and no job is below or above the other. I was so taken back by their response. And I realized how much I needed to mature and humble myself. How much I needed to work on myself to get to their level. I categorized jobs into different levels thinking some were above than the other, based on education, pay, and leadership. But now I realize it was me who was below them all, for thinking such foolishly & arrogantly. .

Truly remarkable people don’t judge or categorize jobs or people according to what others do for a living or how big their paycheck is. I look up to my husband who will flip burgers in a heartbeat to provide for us and do so without any shame. I admire and respect people who have jobs that might not require a College degree or look fancy in the world’s eyes, but work hard with pride in their jobs with no shame. These people are who I look up to. These people are the ones that truly made it in life and are further along than the ones who still categorize. Isn’t it ironic that when you think you’re above someone, it means just the opposite?

When you truly see people as people and not look up or down at, then you know you’ve achieved one of the greatest lessons life has to offer. #sharingmyheartwithyoust

WHY THE HIGHS ARE HIGHER AND THE LOWS ARE LOWER

~ SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

 

 

 

I’ve never felt more irritable, annoyed, frustrated, heart broken, anxiety, exhausted, sleepy, angry, guilt, self disappointment, or fear until I became a mother.

But I’ve also never felt more joy, pride, exuberance, determination, will power, peace, selflessness, happy, fulfilled, confident, or beautiful until I became a mother.

People told me becoming a parent is like a rollercoaster, the highs are so much higher, but the lows are so much lower. No one explained to me why that is, it was just the way it is. Now when I tell people what becoming a parent is like, I tell them the same thing but give an explanation of why I think that is.

The deeper you are able to feel as a human being, the deeper you feel it’s opposition. The more I love these sweet children, the more fear & paranoia settles in my heart, wanting to protect them. The more selfless acts I do, the more I get burnt out, annoyed or frustrated. The deeper my conscience & integrity becomes, the deeper the guilt I feel when I make a mistake. It’s not that the kids make me feel more anger, guilt, or fear, the kids have made me feel more love, patience & humility. They have stretched me farther than I could have grown on my own. They made me improve. They made me stronger. They made me become closer to God. And because of that, the opposition works that much harder to make my lows lower.

But that’s a beautiful thing. The level of guilt I feel is a direct correlation of my integrity. The guilt I feel now is so much deeper, so much more anguish than before because I’m that much more sensitive to the bad. So next time you feel guilt, don’t ignore it or brush it away, celebrate it because it means you’re a sensitive human being with a deep level of self conscience. It means you’re a great person. So sit still & let it wash you & cleanse you. Use that guilt to vow to become that much better, to rise above the adversity. Guilt is a wonderful blessing. It motivates us to change. I’m so grateful for my lows. It’s a necessity in order to feel my highs. So next time you feel the lowest of lows, remember that it just means your highs will feel that much higher.

Hang in there. You got this.

PLANTS HAVE FEELINGS TOO

~ SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

 

 

From the book Hidden Messages inWater

 

I believe every thought, every action, every word we say creates an energy around our bodies. I believe every thought, action or words we speak towards someone else effects their energy & ours. I told my girls tonight about Masaru Emoto, an author of the book ‘Hidden Messages inWater’(buy the book here) who claims that human consciousness has an effect on the molecular structure of water. That water reacts to positive thoughts/words when they are labeled & formed into ice crystals(swipe to see photo) & that polluted water could be cleansed through prayer. We watched a video of a plant thriving when labeled “I love you” while another plant labeled “I hate you” died. I told them how every living thing has it’s own Spirit & energy and can feel our energy so our thoughts & actions effect them. Not just water but plants, animals, people, the Earth. Then how much more we should be sure to think & speak kindly about ourselves & other people. Because not only do actions effect us & others, so do our thoughts. Our thoughts have literal power. Then my girls jumped up & wrote things on a paper to label their orchids daddy got them for V-day with notes such as, “I love you, you are beautiful, you are special.” and started kissing the petals, saying nice things & praying for them. It was the cutest thing! I told Jay he should join in and kiss the orchids and he said, “I’ll fart on it later.”

 

 

 

For more posts where I share my heart, go to #sharingmyheartwithyou

A PROMISE I MADE 10 YEARS AGO

~ SEWING, SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

 

 

By ralphandrusso

 

When I started refashioning 10 years ago, I made a promise to God that I’d always stick to designing modest clothes that are wearable with LDS garments. It’s much harder to refashion since it cuts down on sooooo many design options and it requires more fabric when every inch of fabric is precious in refashioning, thus requiring more creativity & innovation. And when I see stunning dresses like this, I realize an exact dress like this with sleeves wouldn’t achieve the same design of delicacy or femininity hence it wouldn’t be as beautiful. But it’s a promise I made to God and myself and I’m sticking to it. Even if I ever became a famous fashion designer and A-list celebrities beg me to design something contrary to my promise. Because I really played this scenario in my head of them asking, pleading but I calmly turn them down and make them something modest instead and they end up loving it and rocking it on the red carpet. Because a girl can dream, right?