Do any of you mamas out there with a lot of ambition struggle sometimes with motherhood? I struggle with it. I just told Jay a few mins. ago, “I would be 1000 times more successful in my career if I wasn’t a mother.” And I truly mean it. I really would be, without a doubt.
A small example is the best time for me to post on here is 9 pm when I reach the most people & get the best engagement. But do I ever get to post at that time? No, I can’t remember the last time I did. It’s 10:30 pm and I’m lying down with my son on his bed to put him to sleep. It’s Summer, it gets dark at 9:30 pm here so we lose track of time, then it’s already 10 when they’re getting ready for bed and I’m a little antsy because I wanted to post a lot earlier but now it’s so late so when we have a family prayer I’m antsy, I’m antsy & eager as I sing to my son, I’m antsy as I tell my kids good night. I get a little resentful at Jay and think how dang lucky he is that he can separate work and home life, how he can focus 100% on his career when he goes to work 8 hours a day + travels to China almost once a month, then he comes home and can leave work aside and focus on our family. With me, I don’t have the luxury to separate my career and motherhood since I work at home without a nanny, babysitter, family, or a maid. People debate which is harder, working moms or stay at home moms but moms who stay home and work while doing both at the same time have it the hardest! But I think single mothers have it the toughest of all so I probably shouldn’t complain. But you know that’s not me so here I am.
I feel I am only giving 35% into my career. I wonder where I’d be if I could give 100%. But then I realize my kids are the greatest career I’ll ever have. They’re my most proud work I’ve ever done and ever will. And I’ll never regret on my deathbed that I wished I posted more at 9 pm on IG or that I only gave my mediocre 35% into my career right now while they’re young & wished I focused less on my children. So I’ll keep giving my 35% & my time will come when they’re older. I can wait. It’ll be worth the wait.
Now your turn, how much do you think you’re giving to your ambition/passion/career?