Life is Beautiful

Motherhood, Sewing, Family

IN TIMES WHEN YOU HATE BEING A MOTHER Part One

~ MOTHERHOOD, SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

“Must be nice not worrying about a damn thing at home while you’re at work, huh?” I uttered these exact words to my poor husband over the phone.

 

“THEN SAY SORRY! GOSH!!! THAT HURT SO BAD!!!” I yelled at my daughter when she pulled several of my hair out accidentally.

 

“SHHH!!! JUST WAIT! DO YOU SEE ME JUST SITTING HERE DOING NOTHING OR AM I SUPER BUSY DOING A MILLION THINGS RIGHT NOW? STOP THINKING ABOUT JUST YOURSELF, LIFE ISN’T ALL ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME!!!” I yelled at my 4 yr. old when he kept saying, “Mom, get me some pretzels. Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!” while I was backing out of the parking lot & answering two questions simultaneously from both of his sisters.

 

This all happened within 2 hrs. while driving 45 mins. to and from each way to my kid’s braces appointment yesterday. #winning! The car goes silent and I know I killed the whole mood and these are my thought/emotion process:

 

Annoyed. Flustered. Mad. Angry. Explosive. I yell. SO annoyed at the kids. ‘I can’t wait until they’re older. Wait, yes I can. I know these are the golden years, I take it back.” I know this and I should cherish this time but still so frustrated. Immense guilt. So so guilty that I yelled. So disappointed in myself for yelling. Super angry at myself that I yelled and lost it. ‘Why can’t I be a better person? More patient?’ Sadness. Feeling like a failure. I suck. Beating myself down. Then anger at motherhood. I hate being a mom. Being a mom is so freakin’ hard. Mad that motherhood brings out the worst in me. So weary and tired of feeling this cycle over and over of anger, frustration, disappointment in myself, guilt. More guilt. Regret. Frustrated.

 

Then I have a thought come to my head, “When the kids annoy you & make you so angry, they are actually gifting you the greatest gift. Every time the kids annoy us, tests our patience, they’re gifting us the chance to grow and be better than you were moments before you got annoyed/angry. No other job is as annoying, demanding or self sacrificing. No other job stretches you and molds you into a better person. No other job likens to Godhood as parenting. That’s why it is tirelessly SO difficult, challenging and self-reflecting. So relentlessly annoying too, constantly reminding you of your weaknesses. So that you know where to improve. So it’s not the kids that you’re truly annoyed at, it’s your weaknesses that you’re annoyed with. This is the purpose of motherhood, so it humbles you and makes you determined to improve and be better. Because you love your kids with all your heart, your whole existence and beyond, that nothing or no one else will motivate you to change as much as your kids. Changing so that you will be a better parent for your kids and therefore a better human being.

 

I feel peace. Gratitude. No more guilt. or annoyance. or frustration.

 

I tell my daughter sorry for yelling and reach for her and she instantly buoys her leg up so I can hold it(I used to grab their ankle and squeeze it lovingly while driving when they were little because that’s the only part I could reach and it still carries on).

 

The mood instantly changes to happy and the kids start talking again as if nothing happened.

 

When we park, I tell her, “Ana, I’m sorry I yelled at you. It’s never you, it’s always me. I was tired and I had a headache and my hair getting pulled out made my headache worse. So whenever I get mad at you, know that it’s because I need to work on my weaknesses, it’s never you or your fault. It’s always my fault.”

 

She smiles and squeezes me super tight and we kiss several times.

 

I love being a mother. Nothing frustrates me more and yes, at times I hate being a mother. But those times are minuscule compared to the times I absolutely love being a mother and I know I’m a part of something much bigger than myself. A part of something way more grand, sacred and holy than I realize. And like opposition in all things, it’s okay to be annoyed, frustrated, angry, or hate being a mother, it’s okay! It’s normal! Because in order to feel the beauty of motherhood, I need to feel the ugly of it too.

Hey Jimmy Kimmel – I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy 2017

~ MOTHERHOOD

 

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I told my 4 year old that mommy and daddy ate all of his Halloween candy but daddy was a sell out! You gotta watch until the end at what my 9 year old says. Darn pre-teens! And you might be wondering if my son is this sweet all the time. If you follow my instastories on Instagram, you know that yes, he really is this sweet all the time!

#YouTubeChallenge

 

 

 

 

 

 

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MY LITTLE GYMNASTS

~ MOTHERHOOD

 

 

 


 

Does any other stay at home parent feel like they’re taxi drivers? Sometimes I get overwhelmed with having to drive each of my 3 kids to their separate lessons. I felt particularly overwhelmed today as I had to drive one of them to a dentist appointment 40 mins. away and having to stop whatever work I was right in the middle on, which was actually writing this post! As we were driving and I was thinking about how I didn’t have 1 hour and 20 mins. to just “waste” which to me was driving, I tried to make the most of my time by calling to cancel my daughter’s piano lesson, rescheduling gymnastics, rescheduling my laser appointment, calling the river rafting company to confirm, and confirming a basketball Summer camp, I looked behind through the rear view mirror and saw my daughter sitting quietly, starring out the window. A thought came to me, “This isn’t a waste of time. This is a time to bond with my daughter. Everything else are the interruptions, my kids are never the interruption.”

Sometimes it’s easy to think our kids are our distractions or interruptions when we have things to get done but are not able to because of them. It’s easy to get annoyed and bothered when they “interrupt” our work but everything else are the interruptions! Our kids are our work. The best work we will ever do!

 

But that doesn’t mean this mama doesn’t enjoy and appreciate when there are less places to drive my kids to. So I was ecstatic when Jay called my kids’ gymnastics and was able to find a time slot that works for all 3 of my kids! Same exact time for all 3 kids, this is the first time ever where I was able to do this! I am seriously so excited about it haha. My kids have been taking gymnastics at High Altitude Tumbling for over 5 months and they absolutely love it. My oldest is advancing to a higher class and I plan on enrolling my son in another class so he can take two classes a week instead of one, because he loves it so much. Do you see the seriousness and the determination in his face in the photos above? He is all games and is so dedicated the whole 45 mins. he’s in class, it’s the cutest thing in the world to watch! I am literally smiling constantly watching him be full of joy and passion.

The teachers have all been so attentive and friendly and we plan on continuing their gymnastics classes for as long as they want, which I assume is a for a long time.

And if you’re interested in trying out gymnastics for your kids, High Altitude Tumbling offers one free trial class for every kid! Learn more about it and sign up here. And if you mention my name “Sarah Tyau” and tell them I referred you, you and I will both get $15 off tuition!

 

 

 

*While I was not paid to write this post, I did receive free classes for my kids. I reached out to them because I was looking for a gymnastics place and one of my daughter’s friend and her mom told me how much she has been loving it here. So as always, I only promote brands and companies I genuinely love and recommend.