It’s been pretty busy over here lately and my mind’s been all over the place. All over the place in fact that yesterday, I woke up and got ready to drop off big sister at preschool with the usual schedule of fixing the girls breakfast, dressing them, doing A’s hair, getting her backpack and her school things, and I told the girls, “Okay, it’s time to go, go get your shoes on and get in the car!” And when I went to go get my shoes on, big sister was already in the car, and little sister was putting on her shoes. So we got in the car, and dropped big sister off at her preschool. 2 1/2 hours later, little sister and I went to pick her up where there’s a drop off/pick up section and the teachers open/close the car doors for the kids to get in/out so you don’t have to get out of the car. When we got home, I noticed big sister was barefoot so I asked her where her shoes were, whether she had left them at school and she said, “No mom, I didn’t wear shoes to school.”
Yeah, talk about feeling like a bad mother! And it’s been even more chaotic lately because my girls have been crying more than usual. They would ask me if they can have some ice-cream or candy and when I tell them no, they have the utmost hurt expression in their eyes as they run off crying to their bedroom to sob on their pillows for 20 minutes! Is that normal, people? I mean, they’re only 3 and 4, what on earth is going to happen when they reach puberty and start their menstrual cycle? Oh, boy!
So today was one of those days where I desperately needed many deep breaths and clinching my mouth shut to stop me from screaming and losing it. Okay, let’s be honest, I did scream and lose it once. But I only lost it once out of the 70 times I felt like yelling and screaming. So that’s good, no? 😉
But even though they test my patience every day, I still cherish these moments at the end of the day. (The key word is “at the end of the day”, and not during the tantrums and emotional meltdowns:) Because all the things they’re unhappy or not content about, I can fix. Because all their problems they have now are easily fixable by me. If they’re whining about wanting more milk, I can get them more milk. If they’re unhappy about the princess dress they just put on 5 seconds ago, I can put on another princess dress for them. And another and then another princess dress after that, until they’re content(for 20 more minutes anyway). If they’re crying because they can’t find their mermaid toy or their blankie, I can find it for them. If they’re frustrated they can’t reach something up high, I can get it down for them. But I know there will come a day when they’re older and there will be many things I can’t fix when they’re sad or not content. That there will be more things to my liking that I cannot control. I can’t control how nice people will treat my girls. I can’t control if they have a bad day at school or work. I can’t control what kind of friends they hang out with. I can’t control what kind of choices they’ll make, even the wrong ones. I can’t control the consequences to their wrong decisions. While I will always be there for them to listen and to comfort, and to remind them how strong, intelligent, and important they are, I can’t make their problems go away with just one more popsicle, one more hug and a kiss on the boo boo, with just holding them tightly and tickling them so they giggle and forget that they were just crying.
And oh, how I will miss days like today when I could solve all their woes and cries. Yes, I cherish days like today.
