today was a rough day. actually, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. i don’t know if it’s because i’m sick too but it seemed like my kids were being more naughty than usual and making way more mess than usual today. adi got a ladder and opened the cereal cupboards and got out a big bag of cereal(not the box ones but the big, more economical bagged ones) and decided to make a trail around the whole house for our little “kitty” a.k.a her little sister ana, while playing pretend kitty vs. owner, while i was cleaning up another mess in another room.
that was just one thing they did and i don’t want to list every single thing they did, but it seemed like more than any other day that i was cleaning up after their mess one after the other, over and over again, all day long, and i was just so weary and exhausted all day. adi doesn’t nap anymore and gets so cranky by the time jay comes home from work and let’s be honest, i’m pretty cranky too. poor jay.
so when jay came home, i tried to be upbeat and all but it didn’t last long. my girls are at the stage where they want mommy to do everything and they were just hovering over me and wanting my attention every single second, asking questions or demanding something from me every single second, and they get more clingy when daddy comes home, i don’t know why. so i was hoping to get a little peace and quiet when jay got home, so i grabbed some clementines and sat down on the couch in our livingroom to eat it, my girls followed right behind me and started fighting over who gets to get on my back by screaming right by my ear while both trying to grab my neck and get on my back and pushing each other and fighting, i wanted to scream. but I just bottled it up inside and kept peeling my clementine. then when I was done peeling, the girls wanted it so I split it in half and gave it to them, and started peeling another one for myself. Then ana chewed or squeezed one slice of the clementine and it squirted right in my eye and it stung, and that’s when i couldn’t bottle it up any longer. i started to cry and kept saying to jay, “please. please just take the kids somewhere before i lose my sanity. please. just go. right now. go. please.” so poor jay had no choice but to take them out.
then two hours later, i hear them opening the door and two little feet running towards me screaming “mommy!” all excitedly and i turn to look to see this:
jay told me how since they knew i was sad, they wanted to go get me flowers to make me feel better. how can i not be happy and not smile when i see this? adalie later asked me, “mommy, why are you sad? do you have an owie?” i said to her, “i have an owie on the inside of my body.” she said, “oh, i’m sorry, mommy. i’m sorry you have an owie on the inside of your body and that i can’t kiss it better.” while ana not fully understanding what we said, came up to me to give me a big kiss.
i do feel better. but i think i seriously need a girl’s night out or a girls’ trip. what do you do when you get burnt out being a mother? or what do you do to NOT get burnt out from being a mother? and i wonder, are there any mothers out there that never get burnt out? because if you don’t, i want to meet you and find out about all your secrets.
Dear Sarah,
I am not a mother (yet) and I live far far away, on a small island in Greece.
However, I think I know what you mean. I had been a baby-sitter for more than 5 years and although looking after children has little to do with growing up your own children, I had a taste of how that would be.
Just try to keep up the good work you obviously do and feel lucky that you have the understanding of your husband.
I am totally sure that every single mom on the planet gets burnt out (I don't actually know what that means, but I can figure out)! I think you have that right.
But I guess everything fades away when they hug and kiss you, so do not worry.
Besides, your kids seem adorable, how long can you stay mad at them?
By the way, I love the ideas you give me, especially the Anthropologie stuff. Thank you!
Greetings from Greece,
Katerina.(my name is written in Greek on my profile)
PS Sorry for my bad English…
Love your blog! Let's see I am mommy to a 6 year old boy, and a 4 year old princess with a third on the way. To re-energize myself, I either take a bath, lock myself in my bedroom to read a book or watch TV, I have an awesome husband who helps me out when I need it too. And then a Girls Night out or a movie all by yourself is fun too! Hang in there!
I also have two little girls, one 3 1/2 and an 18 mo old. They've been sick 3 weeks straight and I'm worn out. Exhausted. I've cleaned up puke and worried and haven't hardly slept well for 3 weeks. I agree. I need a girls' day or something! I do have one planned (tentatively). I'm going night skiing either tomorrow or the next day with friends and on Saturday there's flea market near us, so I'm going to that all by myself. I need some alone time!
I can so relate – but this too will pass. Tone
As i read your post i had both tears in my eyes & a smile on my face. Because i can totally relate. I only have one child who is now 8 years old. She has Down Syndrome so it's been alot of work (but so worth it!). My husband & i came to an agreement that 2 times a year i would get a weekend to myself. Usually spring & fall. One spring i took a trip to New York City with a few girlfriends. Another time i just stayed at a hotel about a mile from the house. But it did help to rejuvenate me. Since she's in school full time now & i have my days to myself i no longer need those weekends but i think your answer is you need alone & or girl time away from the house/kids.
Also, sometimes just scooping the kids up & taking them to the park or somewhere/anywhere should help. Sometimes we just need to get out of the house, even if it can't be alone.
Hope you have a better day today.
I am so sorry! I know exactly what you mean! 2 young kids, around the same age as yours I think, and another on the way (which makes me very scared – lol).
I know everyone says NOT to do this, but I simply have to so I can preserve my sanity on a daily basis…TV! There, I said it, my kids watch an hour, sometimes a little more, of TV in the morning so I can get some chill out time.
It is just enough to regenerate me, or let me get some things done in the quiet, and it HELPS! I find when we go without, I am ready to pull my hair out by the end of the day!!!
Everyone has bad days as a mom, it's just the nature of the job. There is so much we have to do and be responsible for, that sometimes we become overwhelmed. A good night of sleeping and daily exercise usually help!
I'm so there with you some days! My kids are 14, 10 & 6, so there's all levels of drama and frustration on different days…but I love them anyway! The one thing I've noticed with my older ones…harder to get them to go with their dad for a couple of hours – they say no to that more often, so I find myself stealing away for a bit instead! 🙂
Sarah, I completely know how you are feeling. Just the other day my 7 year old made a huge hole in her bedroom wall! I have 3 little girls, and my husband is in the military, so he's gone a lot of the time. Needless to say I get burnt out all the time. What I usually do is put a movie on for the kids and go into my room and get a good cry in. Usually I'm better after I cry.
I have 7 children…and girlie…somedays it's so hard! I think the important thing to remember is it's ok and normal to feel the way you're feeling. Try to do something just for you. I take a bath, go on a walk, grab a girlfriend, or even go to movie alone. I have recently started Zumba and I love it! I know you live in Utah, is there a sweaty chix near you? They have awesome classes that don't feel like exercise. Finally, if anyone tells you they don't get burned out…they are less than honest and talking to them will not make you feel better, you'll just feel bad that you aren't perfect. Does that make sense?
Hugs to you my dear…before you know it those little girls will be grown and leaving. My oldest graduates this year and I would take back all his rambunctious toddler years in a second to keep him home with me a bit longer.
Be kind to yourself and don't forget that behind that great mother and wife is a woman with knowledge, talents, goals, ideas, and passion.
Isn't it great to have understanding, sweet husbands.
I DO get burnt out. At least once a week. And I look forward to date night when I can get away. I started working out at the gym, and reading my scriptures every day. When I do those two things, take care of body and spirit, I am less likely to lose it. I have 5 kids, by the way. Ages 11 to 2. And boy do I know about messes. Sometimes you just have to let it go for a little while. It will still be there when you can get to it.
-Paulette
That's a good question. I might get back to you when I can figure out what helps me not meltdown. In the meantime just know you are not alone and if there are other moms out there who act like nothing gets to them or their kids are perfect just know one thing, they are lying! Everyone gets overwhelmed, so you are not alone.
Isn't it rough sometimes?! All day everyday, practically 24/7 can be amazing, wonderful, exhausting, and wearing on you. I definitely have days like these, yesterday happened to be one too. It gets really hard when they only want you and want to be right next to you. I really have to BREATHE and REMEMBER they just love me no matter what. Luckily they have been going into their room or playroom and just staying in there reading and playing when I need them too. Being 37wks. pregnant it's not too easy, but they are always doing something cute and thoughtful to remind me how innocent and pure they are. Flowers always help and momo knows that and didi is quickly learning from his brother :). You really are a wonderful mother and your girls are completely blessed to have you home with them!
My friend Allsion summed this feeling up on her blog and gave a solution that has helped her. I think of this often. It might be worth your read and might put a whole new light on motherhood and all it encompasses :> just thought I would share:>
http://amkwilkins.blogspot.com/2010/09/confessions-of-motherhood.html
I have 2 girls that are 6 and 4. I also have some great girlfriends and a wonderful husband who understands how easy it is to go crazy with kids all day long. Every month I have a Saturday morning for book club with my girlfriends. Some of those same girlfriends also do a craft night with me once a month. We rotate houses, have dessert, wine, chat it up and work on whatever projects we feel like. The guys keep all children away from us and we all look forward to it every month.
This is coming from a mom that was usually working when my children were small. They are now grown and I only have one at home. She is a junior in high school. So I've been there and done that.
You will have days when you have those "owies" inside. Take some time for you. It's okay. You need to be rejuvinated spiritually as well as physically to be a mom. And it's okay to hate it somedays. But you will find that most days and the days you remember are the days that you love being a mom!
Jay is a sweetheart for letting you have some down time. You needed it. With not feeling well and doing all that you do. It's okay, don't feel one bit guilty. A little girl time out wouldn't hurt and it makes you a better wife and mom. Because you're happier when you come back and are thrust into the mommy trenches!
So keep smiling, take a break when you can and it will be okay. Heavenly Father knows we all need a break now and again. Tell him about it and he'll help heal that "owie" that you are feeling inside.
As the other readers before me, oh my goodness I had tears in my eyes, and smile on my face.We have all been there, it is life with small children. My rememdy? I email all my other mom friends(who go through the same thing), set up a movie morning, or go yard sale shopping with an ice coffee or go on a long, long walk. There are usually around four of five of us, and we laugh the whole time. Take some time for yourself, it works, trust me!
We all feel like that at times. And, if any stay at home mommy says she doesn't she is lying or on a lot of happy medication 🙂
To get over the stress, I RUN! Literally, I get up early in the morning while my husband and kids and are still asleep. I go for a run. Sometimes I go with friends, sometimes I go alone. When I come home, I am refreshed and ready to face the day. Give it a shot 🙂
I have been reading for a few months, but first time commenting. I just have say how much I appreciate your honesty. I think so many mothers (esp. SAHM) feel this way at one time or another. It is truly an exhausative job, although also rewarding. I have a 3yo girl and 8yo boy- so I can really relate. I often beat myself up for feeling this way, guilty for wanting to be alone sometimes. Thank you for sharing, sometimes it just helps to know your not alone.
I'm a first time commenter also, and enjoy your blog. Your feelings exactly sum up the way I have been feeling lately. I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and both are in difficult phases right now. My husband travels a lot and sometimes I feel like I can't do this mommy thing, I get too burned out. Husbands just need to pitch in. I know, sometimes it makes us feel guilty, but how long would they last day in and day out with the kids and no break? I don't have a solution because I feel this on a weekly basis, but know that you aren't alone.
Sarah you're a great mom! I have those moments too and my baby is only 8mos. Haha. Uh oh. I don't have a sitter out here or any family so it's just me all day, and I too feel like I just want ten minutes alone when Jae comes home. I hope you get your break. It's important for moms to be happy and refreshed or it all trickles downhill! Take care.
A friend of mine and I trade days each week. She watches my kids on Mondays and I watch her kids on Tuesdays. We probably should have spread it out a bit. It gives us both a few hours or more to do whatever we want. It helps a lot. She is having a baby soon so we will probably start back up in the fall. I think it gets a little easier as they get older.
thank you everyone for your advice, it's so good to hear how everyone else copes with it and all the ideas are so good! i appreciate it so much. thank you again.
Thanks for posting this. That's exactly how I felt today and I needed to know i'm not the only one so I don't feel like the worst mom ever. 😉
I agree — Sarah, your honesty is so refreshing. Many ppl (SAHM's) don't air their frustrations and difficulties — it just shows how much of a genuine person you are!
Yes, I am there with you! I have only one son right now (2yrs old next month and quite the ball of energy). I am also in my first trimester with our second and it has been difficult — trying to keep up with my son and all my other "responsibilities" and being so so so tired and nauseous.
What I want to suggest — my husband and I take turns with nights off. I have Monday and Wednesday Nights to myself to do whatever — whether it is going out solo, with friends, going to the bookstore, watching tv, taking a bath or going to sleep early….) and he has Tues and Thursday nights. This definitely helps with keeping my sanity! Sometimes I am a little "guilty" of having dinner just a few mins earlier on those days bc I am so looking forward to getting out of the house!!! *blush*
All of our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
You are such a cute mom and so creative I love this blog so much. I was going to say you totally need GIRLS NITE once a month and go to the gym or something 3-4 times a week just make sure you take time for yourself it is really important to do that so that you can be a happy mom for your kids. I have four under 7 and it is hard but I think it was harder with two than it is now because I use to get stressed about everything now I have to just choose my battles and relax it has made my life a lot more enjoyable my house is not as clean but whatever. Girl if you want to hang out with me and my mom friend we live in Utah too ??
You don't know me but I just found your blog from another blog and I just want you to know that you are not alone. I absolutely related to this post in every way and you are so normal. My own personal journey is ongoing on how to be a good mom and not get burned out but I do know that we need to take care of the woman inside the mother. Somehow we need to carve out time to recharge our batteries. weather it be a little nap(i wish) or a hot bath or going for a nice run it just has to be done and sometimes that means saying no to other good things in our life so we can take care of ourself. Its an ongoing process but day by day and with the help of our Savior it can be done. By the way I think your blog is amazing and so very inspiring and even though we are total strangers I just know you are an incredible woman.:)
Thank you so much! And yes I used to feel like a bad mom for feeling burnt out until I talked to other mothersnwho told me they get burnt out too! It is sooo normal to feel that way and I think getting burnt out just means we're being good mothers. 🙂
I love you. You're awesome. I woulda lost it a loooooong time before clementine juice hit my eye. 😀
yes I think burnout is normal for moms. We've got a lot of hats to wear.
My husband travels a lot for his job, and most likely the times I want a girls night, he's out of town. So I bring girls night to my house. I put the kids to bed at 8pm and my friends come over at 9pm. We watch a movie/TV, play games, eat, and talk (quietly). It may not be as exciting as a real girls night out, but it's a nice break from the norm.
@kat: thanks, i love you too. i think you're a great mom. 🙂
@beverly: oh that must be so hard! and that is a great idea, i'm going to start doing that! thanks for the tip!