Etc. Archives | Page 164 of 254

MTC

July 14, 2011~ Etc.

jay’s little brother mike is now in the MTC.

my girls miss him a lot, on our drive back home right after we dropped him off

my oldest kept asking, “is he done with his mission yet?”

and even drew him a picture as soon as we got home.

of course we had to go to yozone right before! what’d you expect? 😉

we miss you mike but we’re so proud of you!

to whom it may concern

July 12, 2011~ Etc.

dear police officer who pulled me over today when i was 10 mins. away from home,

it was a good day. my mom was watching the kids while i went to park city to return a dress and the scenary was so beautiful and peaceful. it was nice to drive somewhere without having to worrry about the kids fighting in the back or fixing the ipad to stand, handing snacks/drinks to them or taking garbage from them every few mins., just worrying about me and being free to think about whatever i wanted without any distractions. it was much needed. i wasn’t sure what the speed limit was so i just followed the pace of a white truck in front of me. he was going around 73 mph so i kept my speed at a 73 mph, thinking the usual speed sign is 65 mph for a freeway, keeping my two-seconds safe distance-being the good girl/driver that i am. then i saw you with your police car and didn’t think anything until i saw you speed up behind me with your lights on. i thought for sure you were pulling over the white truck in front of me so i moved to a different lane, but you changed the lane to mine and kept following me! i thought, “what? why is he following me?” but pulled over immediately, being the good girl/responsible driver that i am. you asked me if i was in a hurry and i said i was just following the truck in front of me. you said, “well, you were going a little bit faster than the truck. the speed limit is 55 and you were going 73.” i still don’t understand how i could be going faster than the truck if i’ve been following the truck for at least 20 mins., keeping my safe distance. if i did happen to go faster than the truck, it couldn’t have been more than +1 mph mile! seriously, police officer?

at least you were really nice(minus the fact that you just gave me a ticket!), and even wrote that i only went over 9 mph when it was 18+mph. and i didn’t get a ticket the last 3 times i got pulled over so i guess it was finally my time. helloooo, traffic school.

that’s it. i guess you were just doing your job and no hard feelings. but next time, please pull over the car that’s leading the others cars. thank you.

dear bachelorette,

hi. i love you. every monday rolls around and i completely forget that you are on tonight until it’s almost kids’ bedtime. somehow i suddenly remember and i scream(literally) with joy and do a happy dance for about 3 mins.(literally). the kids get excited too by my excitement and join in on the dance. and i don’t know why but everytime, i do this dance where i squat my knees and move sideways as fast as i can. i call it my crab dance. don’t ask me why, that’s the only time i bust out my crab dance and it just comes naturally without a second thought. by the time i realize i look really stupid and dorky, it’s too late, i’m exactly 10 feet away in 180 degrees. today i watched you for the first time on our newly installed projector screen and with mr. cheez-it(i like ’em white cheddar) by my side, life couldn’t have been any better, even with the speeding ticket i’d gotten earlier.

i do wish bentley was still around, it would’ve been nice to see his big head 10x larger than the actual size, if that’s even possible, telling ashley it’s a “dot dot dot…” but i guess he finally, FINALLY told her, “let’s end it with a period… oh i mean, not …, that would’ve made it a dot dot dot…(“to be continued” as translated by ashley), just a dot. i’d appreciate it if all these people from utah stop being on the bachelor/bachelorette show and make the rest of us utahns look bad.

dear bedtime,

yeah i know, it’s way past my bedtime. why do you sneak up on me ever so quickly? and why do i hate you but hate waking up in the morning even more? i wish i only needed 4 hrs. of sleep and still be alert and full of energy. sigh. good night.

update

July 8, 2011~ Etc.

i thought i should update you on how i’m doing. i’m doing worse than ever. i can’t stop crying…

just kidding! hahaha, i’m back to my normal self again!(i sure got you didn’t i? 🙂 do you ever feel like you’re bi-polar ever since you became a mother? i sure do. the highs are so high and the lows are so low. but the lows are very short and the highs are very long. i’m so grateful for that. i felt better after i blogged and vented my fire(thank you for reading), and after i closed my eyes and didn’t move and just soaked in the peaceful quietness for a full minute. thank you so much for all your comments, it’s your comments that keeps me blogging and i’m so humbled to know that you care about this little me enough to take the time to give me wonderful advice/support. there sure are so many wonderful, wise mothers/women out there.

i was talking to my husband later that night after my venting about how i think satan attacks you stronger on the important times. especially on mothers because he knows how important and sacred the job is. when i served a mission for our church, the times when i felt most sick physically or tired, that the last thing i wanted to do was walk around and knock on doors of strangers, were the times when i found the best people who were receptive and open to the gospel. he knocks you harder right before something wonderful is about to happen. my oldest is almost four and she’ll be in school 1/2 the day in two years. oh, how bitter that day will be and how i’ll long for today. every year on her birthday i say, “she only has 17,16,15 more years until she enters college and leaves me!” well, on her birthday this year, there will only be 13 years left. oh i literally tear up everytime i think about that. so satan knows these two years before she enters 1st grade is very crucial and i think he’s working extra hard to bring me down. well, that ain’t gonna happen!

i’m grateful that i love being a mother 99% of the time.

i’m grateful for those 1% because it makes me appreciate the 99% more.

i’m also grateful that those 1% makes me nothing but a stronger, more determined, refreshed mother.

i’m grateful for a husband who helps so much with cleaning and watching the kids. he is a life saver.

i’m grateful for my two beautiful angels that God has entrusted me with. i’m grateful for their innocence, love for life, health, intelligence, and humor. they posess everything that is beautiful on this earth.

and i’m grateful for God, my sweet, loving father who gives me responsibilities to make me stronger, wise, selfless, and giving. to shape me up to be the person he needs me to be. he is so sweet, i literally tear up everytime i think about how sweet, kind, and loving he is.

p.s: a cute little story that happened yesterday, my two girls kept fighting so i put them in the same room and locked the door. i’ve never locked the door on time-out but i didn’t want them to open it right back so as i closed the door, i heard my oldest say while crying, “no, mommy! don’t lock the door!” but i did anyway and as i started to walk away from the door i heard her cry out, “oh heavenly father! mommy locked the door!!! can you come open it please?” i couldn’t help but laugh as i opened the door. what else was i suppose to do after that prayer? it was just so darn cute. i chuckled the rest of the day thinking about it.

summer day a few weeks ago while telling them a funny story

does it get easier?

July 6, 2011~ Etc.

i wish i could scream. literally. like clinching my fists, eyes tightly closed, on the top of my lungs screaming loud. but if i did, i would wake up the kids or scare the heck out of my husband and my kids and they’ll think i’m some lunatic, psycho person so i can’t. but i am on the point of crazy, i’ve hit the bottom low. i seriously can’t go any lower emotionally at this point. i’m just so worn out, so exhausted, so weary, i’m so sick of it!!! i don’t know if it’s because i haven’t sewed or done something just for me for a few weeks or what, but i just want to cry. oh wait, i am crying. i feel like i haven’t had a break(or enough of a break), and i had enough. i so wish i had a nanny or someone to watch the kids, i just can’t do it anymore. it is so hard. you think you’re okay without taking a break or doing something just for yourself, and you keep going and think, “hey, i’m not doing so bad, i haven’t had a meltdown for awhile!” and then it hits you. really hard.

i don’t know if it’s the age of my kids or that they’re just a year apart, but they just wear me out inside and out, upside and down, in every direction i could possibly go until i spin around like crazy and feel delirious and out of control. the peak of my meltdown came just ten mins. ago as i was putting my lil’ one to sleep. it’s eleven p.m and she just fell asleep. i’ve been feeling exhausted the past few weeks and it’s been just building up but i lost it when she just lied there for an hour, just tossing around, talking, asking me to tell more stories, read her more books, blah blah blah, it never ends. i wonder if other two year olds are just as needy and demanding? mommy, give me more juice, mommy, find me my kitty doll, mommy, fix this toy it’s broken, mommy come catch me, mommy, find me my other toy, mommy get this for me, mommy, i want apples(and as soon as i cut it and give it to her, she doesn’t want it anymore), mommy, no apples, i want fruit snacks, mommy, find the princess brush, mommy, i wanna take this off, mommy, put this skirt on, mommy, tie this skirt on, too big, no mommy, not like that! mommy, can you help me, mommy, i wanna draw, no mommy, not that color, no not that paper, i want a bigger paper(while she’s crying and screaming at me), and did i mention she always uses this whiny, almost crying voice and when i don’t literally get up and do what she asks the moment she’s done asking the question, she freaks out screaming while she falls backwards abruptly and dramatically wherever she’s at, thunking her head loudly on the ground/carpet/wall? and on top of that don’t forget about cleaning up their spills/leaks/messes/poop/pee alllllllll day long, and cooking and feeding them, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! somebody come save me!!!

can i please please put a pause on those moments(which is all day) and take even one minute to breathe? nope, that’s too much to ask. i have no time to even think and it’s driving me insane! not to mention there are things i have to do after the kids are asleep like cleaning, tidying up the house, answering emails, making headbands, fold laundry, and also spend time with my husband, and then after i do all that, where’s the time for me? i’ve noticed when i do take the time for myself, i get less worn out, but where am i suppose to fit all that in if i should be in bed by midnight so i won’t be so tired the next day and barely make it through the day of two demanding, hyper, no-fear, needy toddlers? how can i do all that in one hour? i so wish she would fall asleep by herself. i can’t take it anymore. jay wanted to watch a movie tonight after the kids fell asleep but now it’s too late to watch a movie. that in itself just makes me want to cry more. i want to do what i want to do for once. i want to spend time with my husband. i want a whole day where i don’t have to take care of someone else but just worry about me. oh that is just a dream that will never come true. how i wish to do whatever i want, whenever i want, in which way i please. i want to go back to school, i want to start my clothing business, i want to go to korea for my friend’s wedding, or i just want a whole day off so i can have pease and quiet for once in the last 4 years and just sleep, watch t.v and do NOTHING and have the most unproductive, boring day(which nothing else sounds better or more fun than this in all honesty, isn’t that sad?) but no, no, no, no, and no on all those things. i know they’re worth it but come on, just let me vent, will ya?

so does it get easier as they get older? i cannot imagine it being any harder than this. somebody please tell me yes so i can cling onto some hope…..