i wish i could scream. literally. like clinching my fists, eyes tightly closed, on the top of my lungs screaming loud. but if i did, i would wake up the kids or scare the heck out of my husband and my kids and they’ll think i’m some lunatic, psycho person so i can’t. but i am on the point of crazy, i’ve hit the bottom low. i seriously can’t go any lower emotionally at this point. i’m just so worn out, so exhausted, so weary, i’m so sick of it!!! i don’t know if it’s because i haven’t sewed or done something just for me for a few weeks or what, but i just want to cry. oh wait, i am crying. i feel like i haven’t had a break(or enough of a break), and i had enough. i so wish i had a nanny or someone to watch the kids, i just can’t do it anymore. it is so hard. you think you’re okay without taking a break or doing something just for yourself, and you keep going and think, “hey, i’m not doing so bad, i haven’t had a meltdown for awhile!” and then it hits you. really hard.
i don’t know if it’s the age of my kids or that they’re just a year apart, but they just wear me out inside and out, upside and down, in every direction i could possibly go until i spin around like crazy and feel delirious and out of control. the peak of my meltdown came just ten mins. ago as i was putting my lil’ one to sleep. it’s eleven p.m and she just fell asleep. i’ve been feeling exhausted the past few weeks and it’s been just building up but i lost it when she just lied there for an hour, just tossing around, talking, asking me to tell more stories, read her more books, blah blah blah, it never ends. i wonder if other two year olds are just as needy and demanding? mommy, give me more juice, mommy, find me my kitty doll, mommy, fix this toy it’s broken, mommy come catch me, mommy, find me my other toy, mommy get this for me, mommy, i want apples(and as soon as i cut it and give it to her, she doesn’t want it anymore), mommy, no apples, i want fruit snacks, mommy, find the princess brush, mommy, i wanna take this off, mommy, put this skirt on, mommy, tie this skirt on, too big, no mommy, not like that! mommy, can you help me, mommy, i wanna draw, no mommy, not that color, no not that paper, i want a bigger paper(while she’s crying and screaming at me), and did i mention she always uses this whiny, almost crying voice and when i don’t literally get up and do what she asks the moment she’s done asking the question, she freaks out screaming while she falls backwards abruptly and dramatically wherever she’s at, thunking her head loudly on the ground/carpet/wall? and on top of that don’t forget about cleaning up their spills/leaks/messes/poop/pee alllllllll day long, and cooking and feeding them, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! somebody come save me!!!
can i please please put a pause on those moments(which is all day) and take even one minute to breathe? nope, that’s too much to ask. i have no time to even think and it’s driving me insane! not to mention there are things i have to do after the kids are asleep like cleaning, tidying up the house, answering emails, making headbands, fold laundry, and also spend time with my husband, and then after i do all that, where’s the time for me? i’ve noticed when i do take the time for myself, i get less worn out, but where am i suppose to fit all that in if i should be in bed by midnight so i won’t be so tired the next day and barely make it through the day of two demanding, hyper, no-fear, needy toddlers? how can i do all that in one hour? i so wish she would fall asleep by herself. i can’t take it anymore. jay wanted to watch a movie tonight after the kids fell asleep but now it’s too late to watch a movie. that in itself just makes me want to cry more. i want to do what i want to do for once. i want to spend time with my husband. i want a whole day where i don’t have to take care of someone else but just worry about me. oh that is just a dream that will never come true. how i wish to do whatever i want, whenever i want, in which way i please. i want to go back to school, i want to start my clothing business, i want to go to korea for my friend’s wedding, or i just want a whole day off so i can have pease and quiet for once in the last 4 years and just sleep, watch t.v and do NOTHING and have the most unproductive, boring day(which nothing else sounds better or more fun than this in all honesty, isn’t that sad?) but no, no, no, no, and no on all those things. i know they’re worth it but come on, just let me vent, will ya?
so does it get easier as they get older? i cannot imagine it being any harder than this. somebody please tell me yes so i can cling onto some hope…..
sadie says
Does it get easier? Yes. They go to school!
My little girl was also pretty demanding (still is), and I can completely understand where you're coming from. Some days it felt all I did was clear up poo/wee/mess and pick up after her, get her things, make her food,take her drink etc.
Now she's in school and I get time to myself, the house stays tidy and I am so pleasd when it's time to go and pick her up again.
I didn't put my little girl in nursery or playschool, because she is an only child and I wanted to spend as much time as I could with her before school started. But, have you thought about enrolling your children in playschool or nursery a few mornings a week? They'd get to use up a bit of energy,and you would get some time to yourself.
As a mum, it's so important to grab a bit of time to yourself, no matter how small. Mummying is full on, and it is easy to get to that 'what about me' stage. Even if it's to get on with tidying the house in peace, or having a quiet cup of tea.
I hope you can work something out soon.
sadie x
Suburbsmama says
Sorry you are feeling down. I really believe that it gets easier, At least that is what keeps me going (I have a 6 month old and a 3 year old) Hang in there girl, you are fabulous, beautiful, have amazing talent and have a beautiful family. Soon the kids will grow up and you will be wishing they spend more time with you.
Andrea, says
My kids are 2 years apart but my 3 year old went through a "phase" for about 5 months where she was a crazy person. Nothing I did was right. She wanted everything HER way but wanted me to read her mind and know what it was ahead of time. My husband seriously was asking if we should talk to the doctor about her. I was at the point where I was angry at her constantly and resented having to spend another day fighting with a 2 year old.
We got serious and super consistent with consequences. She wasn't allowed to cry 10 times at night and get us back in there. We stopped going in after we said goodnight. We did time outs and took away her favorite toys. We became the "bad guys" and after about 2 weeks of constant work she started giving up her "craziness." Then it was like she became the little girl we liked again.
I hope things improve soon for you. Remember, its all temporary.
Shasta says
It never gets easier, the issues change though. I remember wishing my kids older, guess what? They are! What would I give to push the rewind button? Before you know it, they are grown and gone and you my dear will feel sad to have so much "you" time. Just breathe, just breathe, just breathe.
offsquare says
Oh I so hear you!! You sound exactly like me just 4 days ago (I have 3 mth old & 2 yr old). I was so exhausted I began vomiting and inadvertantly found myself telling off the 2 yr old but don't even remember walking into his room. I hit the wall and could barely stand. So 2yr old went somewhere for a sleepover and I managed to get 12 (that's right! 12!!) hours sleep. I was a new person.
So hope you manage to find some time out for yourself soon. Sewing really is fantastic therapy, but sometimes completely impossible. Thanks for being so honest. You're a breath of fresh air and I so hope you find that refreshment soon. You're not alone in your exhaustion!
LeRae says
Oh Sarah hang in there…
it really does get better. I remember it was the hardest when Kaden was around 2-3 years old but you've got it double the truble in your hand with two little ones so close in age. but hopeful side of it is that once it's time to go to school they will BOTH be in school most of the years to come. and that will be so nice.
Miss you~~
a big hug from Korea ^ ^
Mellissa says
It does get easier. I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old. They are farther apart in age than yours but I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I have been feeling a little like you because my son is home from school.
My tip to you is you have to start telling your daughter NO. My daughter was, and still is some times, needy. I want this, I want that. I felt worn down. I eventually said no. then she would start to cry and cry and cry. Then after I said no and she would start to cry, we would get on her and tell her not to cry in a stern voice. We say things like, "Emma, don't cry. That's not nice."
It is really important to tell your children no now because if you continue on giving them what they want at a young age they will continue to EXPECT you to do things and give them things instead of being grateful that you did something or bought them something.
Jessica says
It gets easier and easier and easier. With that said, you won't find it getting easier until you take some time for yourself. And if the only time that you can get some alone time is when they're sleeping then you need to make bedtime early and train them to go to sleep on their own. The bad sleep habits are just habits that can be broken, but you have to be tough and consistent. It might take a month, but just imagine having every night from 8-10pm BY YOURSELF. Get tough!!
::little projects in style:: says
im sorry you're feeling worn out. i don't have a child but have faith that it will get better.. you're doing a great job there and it's just a passing phase! *huge hugs*!!
gigiofca says
So much great advice has been given. I'm not in the same boat, but the tips that resonated with me are to be firm and set limits. And also the possibility of preschool. I imagine the point of you being at home is daycare, but both babies may do better to have a few hours away. And you would do better, too. 😉 Good luck and your honesty is refreshing.
Becky says
Oh how I feel for you! I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old. They "destroy" my house daily. We have no yard and live in less than 1000 sq/ft. I have 2 suggestions that have helped me a lot.
1st: read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Mark Weissbluth (this book saved my life as far as getting my kids to sleep alone and at a normal hour).
2nd: hire a babysitter once in a while. There ought to be lots of teens available now that it is summertime. That way you can go out during the day ALONE to window shop or do nothing at all. In fact you could have the babysitter take the kids to the park while you take a nap or sew or whatever.
My husband works crazy hours (gets home after 9 pm regularly) and so it is often all up to me to take care of the boys. I usually take 1 or 2 nights a month to go out either with friends or alone and that really helps a lot too.
I hope that this feeling passes quickly and that you find some little solutions that work for you.
Serene says
This really struck a chord with me. I have 4 kids, twin boys who are now 20, a daughter (18) who just graduated and a youngest son who is 14 and starting HS. I remember the times of which you are describing and it makes me just want to hug you. But hear this….YOU MUST TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. That's why it's called "taking time" because no one will give it to you. The core of who you are is NOT mother, wife, daughter or any other title. You are a child of God and a woman. Too often we lose ourselves in our "roles". And as mothers we feed ourselves guilt by the spoonfuls! You are still a wonderful mother if you hire a babysitter for two afternoons a week.
I remember having 3 kids under 3, changing diapers, breast feeding, cleaning, working a part time paper route and trying to be a good wife. I thought, "Oh crap!!! It's ALWAYS going to be like this!!!!" All I could see were endless days ahead of me with my children hanging onto me. And I blinked and now 3 of the 4 have graduated HS. It WILL get better; but I'm telling you…..take the time for yourself (guilt free)and don't lose sight of who you are. I'm sending good thoughts and a cyber hug your way! ~Serene
Erica Louise says
I have no words of wisdom, but I'd like to give you a 'virtual' hug. It will get better x
Meyer Family says
It changes as they grow. I put my oldest in a moms day out program to have only 1 at home 2 days a week for the school year. That environment changed his needs and how he dealt with them. The other advice is to ASK for what YOU NEED. You may be surprised who may step in and give you that time, either it be your husband or a friend that is willing to trade off kids to give herself some time later.
Kate says
Hi – I have to second the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"…it changed my life! I think the common denominator for any mom who loses it on a daily basis is the presence of a 2-year-old. They just drive you nuts! I only have one, a boy, and the problem is more physical, like constantly breaking things, screaming, jumping off things and slapping/hitting me all the time. I just dream of kindergarten! However, my lifesaver is that he goes to be around 7 every night. I get lots of time with my husband, and can even go out to a movie or do whatever I want at night. It took a lot of time listening to him cry in his room, but now he goes down for naps and at night with no problems.
Amber says
wow.. i can relate!! i HOPE for both of our sakes that it does get easier!! good luck! (and i also LOVE healthy sleep habits. happy child.– it literally changes your life.)
Jana Miller says
Yes …it get's easier. My sons are 21 months apart. I once heard a wise woman say, the days are long but the years are short. She was right.
My guys are now 17 and 19…and so much fun. I do miss the littles stages. Read to them, bake cookies, make a mess…it will all be worth it.
The way I kept my sanity was to continue to be creative, early bedtimes until they were about 10(they were in bed by 7-which means start your routine by 6),
and afternoon alone time for everyone in the family-for 1-2 hours. If they didn't want to sleep, they could play quietly on their beds.
And do one creative thing each day…don't clean during quiet time, sleep or create.
Hang in there and don't miss the years you have with them.
xo Jana
montanachic says
My four kids are ages three to 11 now and it is much easier than it was when they were five and under (on most days anyway). So to get you through the next couple of years I would recommend a lot of chocolate and the occasional kid free vacation with your husband if that is possible.
montanachic says
My four kids are ages three to 11 now and it is much easier than it was when they were five and under (on most days anyway). So to get you through the next couple of years I would recommend a lot of chocolate and the occasional kid free vacation with your husband if that is possible.
Carrie Taylor says
It does get easier. My oldest is 5 today and although he's still young, he's way better than when he was a year ago. My other boy is 2 1/2 and has that same whiny voice which I hate! I am the same way as you I think, if I can't do something creative or productive during my day then I lose it! It's hard, especially when they cry. Do you have a friend you could drop them off at and just take an hour or two to yourself? I have a hard time doing that myself because I feel like I am abandoning them instead of just pushing through it, but when I do it helps me so much!
Bottom line is, it does get easier, you will have more time to yourself. But then they will hit an age soon when they no longer want you to play with them or need you as much, that part is harder than the demanding days of toddlerhood. Good luck and stay strong.
TranquilityKnots says
Hang in there, Sarah. I totally understand your feeling. I have only one girl, she is 22 month old. She is the love of my life, but sometime I really cannot deal with her. When I reach the point that I could be very angry and might hurt her, I just give her to my husband. But in your case, you each have a little one to handle. That's very tough.
My neighbor has 3 year old twin boys! Imagine the trouble she is in. Before they started school, she was really stressed out all the time. Especially one of the boy has mild autism, so he has no fear for danger. They found him hanging outside the second floor window a couple of times, he managed to open the heating vent on the floor and fell in there once. Anyway, she was going to break down. Then she joined YMCA, she put the boys to their babysitting area, or take them to their own classrooms, so they could run crazily but safely for an hour, while she go exercise or swim for a while. She said that really helped. And you should make playdate plans with your friends, so you all could take turn rest for a couple of hours.
But seriously, you need to teach your girl to go to bed by herself. It will be hard at the beginning, but she will get it in a couple of weeks. Be prepared that you probably will get more exhausted during that training time, but once it's over, you will love your new found freedom. Don't you just want to be left alone and just sew for an hour?
mekei says
uhhh, well, i have 9 kids like 2 years apart. now the youngest is 8. i keep thinking the toddler years were the good ones. but, listen, when there is peace and quiet, what do you do? do you chillax as they say a little or do you do a project? what is your idea of relaxing and/or accomplishing? do you let/allow your husband to take care of the kids himself?????? if not, why not? are you at a time when it is all about feeling sorry for your 'overworked husband' and you somehow think you have the easier job (cause you don't). claim some time. but before you do, know ahead of time what will make you happy.
Zabrina says
Does it get easier?
As a mother of three adult children myself, all I can tell you is… no…it doesn't get easier, it gets better. Being a mother is never easy. It's the hardest job you will ever have with new challenges as your girls get older. everyday is a new adventure ( at least that is how I always looked at it) My husband was flying for the Air Force while my children were young, so I was home alone raising my kids by myself.
If you feel like you need to scream, do it. Your husband and your daughters need to understand that mommy does indeed have her limits. If you don't make boundaries, all three will walk all over you. This may sound a bit harsh, but you have to save some life essence for yourself. Your family will drain you in a snap if you don't create some rules. My children seemed to get into trouble when I was on the phone, so I invented the Telephone box. A simple shoe box full of tiny cheap toys they could play with while I was on the phone. When I was done with my call, the box went back up on the fridge.
Bed time can be made easier with a simple morning fun time promise.We called this the "Morning Promise" OK, it's bed time at 8:00 lets say. Bath time would come first, and we get into our pj's and we read a book. Every night no exceptions. The catch for us was, we would promise to do a favorite thing every morning. Cathryn liked to make waffles, Kevin liked to make pancakes, Kimberly wanted to break the eggs. If the children gave me a hard time about bedtime, they would lose their special morning time with Mom. Sometimes we would plan a picnic for the next day, if the kids didn't go to bed for me, then …no… picnic, no park, no play time. The point is, you have to be consistent. Friday nights were no exceptions. Daddy would help with bath and bedtime and he would make the morning promise with the children so he could have special time with them and I would get a break. The point is, you make it your own, mix it up and make it special. You are teaching your girls consequences, I hate the word myself, but it's something we have to teach. Bedtime can be easier with a "simple Morning Promise" and fun time with Mommy. I suggest getting out of the house for play time three or four times a week. My kids loved the park.
If you really want to go to Korea for your friends wedding and can afford it. I would go. If you can afford the girls to go with you, take them. Sometimes children behave better when they can see how other people live and any new adventure for your daughters will enrich their lives for years to come. Some might speculate that they are to young to understand, but I would have to disagree. Trips are a learning process not only for you as a mother, but for your children as well. We teach things like "best behavior" and "yes please and no thank you" We teach our children to be gracious when they are out of their own environment.
I'm sorry I didn't intend to write you a book, but I hope this helps.
Remember, if the girls get under your skin, tell them. They need to know when Mommy has had enough.
Zabrina
Allen Family says
I appreciate your honest post. I think all mothers feel like that sometimes and it is okay to admit it. I love reading your blog, you are very talented and seem to be a very involved mom. My two cents (I also have 2 girls 10 and 7) give yourself permission to say no and take a time out. Teach your kids that they don't need you to fall asleep and change the bedtime to a more reasonable hour for toddlers – say 7 or 7:30 – this gives you time to do your catch up and spend some time with the husband (this will actually be harder before it gets MUCH easier). Hang in there!
Evi Figgat says
It gets easier. I had this conversation with my mom the other day. She was saying she gets bored and doesn't have much to do anymore. She has two kids in college, one of which is me and I'm married, and the last is going to be a freshman in high school. I asked her if it is a nice break and after pondering she said yes. You see, she adopted me and then a year later got pregnant with my little sister. We are 21 months apart. She said there were days that she would go shut herself in her room and not want to come out, even when we asked her to give us more snacks, or help us reach a toy. Do not get me wrong my mom is the BEST mom in the world, but she said there were days that she wanted a day for herself– just like you. The only thing that got her through those first ten years of motherhood is that she said she knew that it was only ten years of her life. She still has my little sister at home, but as soon as all three of us were in school life got easier and easier. I'm not a mother, I'm no where near being a mother; but, what I can tell you is that in the scheme of eternity that you will spend with your family there are only ten years where it will be difficult, then there will be ten years where it is moderately difficult, then you will be like my mom– a near empty nester who loves to go to TJ Maxx by herself in the middle of the day, read books in her big chair, and have time to go to the gym everyday. Before you know it you will be planning a wedding for your daughters just as my mom did. The end will come. Just hang in there. Endure till the end girl. You got this.
Alice says
Poor Sarah. I'm just a teenager but i can understand you, I'd like to help you but i'm from Peru and what I can tell you is that you can bring your children out with grandparents and take a time for yourself.
Well, that's what i would do you if i were you.
Como on!! Don't be so blue!
ginger says
Yes. Not that it gets easy, but the physically exhausting work of mothering definitely changes as children get older. Emotionally and mentally they will always push you, but physically, you will find time to sit. To be and to not be needed at every second for every simple task they're doing.
ashley says
We all feel like this!!! I am having one of those moments now ( 3 year old twin girls). I feel like I don't get one second to think because of their questions and demands at times. Having time for yourself is key. Get a babysitter, or go to a place that has childcare and spend even an hour with yourself and your thoughts. We are human! We make mistakes and this makes us stronger and wiser:) You are not alone!!!
ThirstyGirl says
mom to six here…it gets easier and you feel less torn.
But right now, have a sit down with them. They understand a lot more than you realize. Set new rules. and consequences when they are broken.
You must have nap from here to here if you do not there will be a consequence. you must go to bed and to sleep by this, if not, there will be a consequence.
When my little tiny boys would not go to sleep, I made them run in place or do jumping jacks. Five minutes of that will have them begging you to let them go to bed (plus it wears them out).
children crave discipline, it makes them feel secure.
AND YOU MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF!!! Girl that's not even according to the scriptures to deny your quiet time with the Lord and to meditate on these things: what is good, what is honest, what is pure, what is lovely, what is of good report….. you know. It will give you persepctive.
Now–sermon over… Recognize its all a phase and it will pass, but set some rules and take your life back.
Megan says
Stay-at-home parents have the toughest job in the world, and you require regularly scheduled respite in order to keep going. Modeling for your kids an adult life outside of their needs is an important gift that you can give them, because one day they're going to be in the same situation you are. As they say on airplanes, you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help anyone else with theirs.
Is there a daycare they can go to two days a week, even just for half a day? Can you schedule it so that you know that you will have uninterrupted time for yourself on the same day or two every week so that you have something to look forward to? Even if it's just a nap?
Your kids are great, and so are you. I'm proud of you for acknowledging your own needs. Tend to yourself the same way you tend to your children. Being their mother is only one part of your identity, and others can step in to nurture them while you are nurturing yourself. That's not selfish: You will be refilling the wellspring of love, patience and compassion you have for them. When you're running on empty, you can't be who they need you to be; it simply isn't possible.
Sarah says
I have learned it's ok to tell them no and they will live if I let them cry. My pediatrician told me it will not hurt them to cry themselves to sleep, just to check on them after 10-15 minutes. I told them I loved them, gave them a hug, and left again. I repeated that until they were asleep. It took 2 or 3 nights, but they soon realized I wasn't giving in and they now go to bed without a problem. I know it's different for every child and every situation, but I personally have no problem telling my kiddos no and if they want to cry (for no good reason) they can do it in their rooms. I hope it gets better for you!
So Bella says
I know how you feel, I have those days sometimes too. More frequently now that my oldest has been home for summer vacation. Mine are 3 and 8 and they fight constantly, all day, whining, complaining, get this, get that…
But yes, it does get better, and easier, and I have learned to let them deal with some things themselves (like get a snack, turn on the tv to let mommy sleep a little bit longer in the morning) whatever I think they can handle and they have learned they need to wait and that I'm not going to jump up every time they as for something.
Yes, it is soooo frustrating sometimes, but hang in there. My heart goes out to you… ((hugs))!
Sara says
I seriously love your blog. Your highs and lows are relatable. Hang in there. It does get easier. And then harder. And then easier again. My kids are now 6, 5 & 3 1/2. the first two are 11 mo's apart and then 18 months apart. They are finally starting to (REALLY) help with laundry, sweeping, getting their own stuff, etc. Ahhhh. Still hard, but better. AND conversations are different (I miss the baby talk (and whining), but their matured ideas are nice). YOU ARE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR. The first blog I look at each day. 🙂
The ArgentineHudson says
We all feel like that at one point or another…I have no kids and i feel overwhelmed sometimes. You are a trooper and have some awesome sewing skills. Vent its the healthy way to deal with life.
Hampson Family says
Hi! I've been following your blog for a bit, really enjoying it! I love sewing so I get lots of inspiration from you! As the the kids thing, I hear ya! I have two boys 2 years a part and the second is DEMANDING!!!! Some days you feel like packing it in! My husband finally iniciated a 7:00 bed time! No ands, ifs or buts about it. They may read in bed, but may not come out. I so needed this down time, I couldn't handle it any more. So hang in there, give them a strict bed time and don't waiver. The first few nights they need to get used to it, but if you don't give in, they'll get the idea!
All the best!
Sarah says
It does get easier as they get older…the trick is to start "molding" them now. I have a 9, 6, 4, 2 and 7 month old now so I totally understand where you're coming from. If you start disciplining with time outs and start shortening the time each night you are in with your daughter it will get better quicker. But, you have to be consistent and it will get "worse" before it gets better because she'll buck at the new "rules" and think you'll fold if she throws a hissy fit. I have 4 strong willed girlies, each very different and each needing loving discipline without crushing their strong spirit so that the good parts of it can come to the forefront and the icky parts they can start learning how to control now. Hope that helps, and will pray for you!
Melissa says
You don't know me, I just stumbled on your blog and read your last post and I totally feel for you. I am so sorry that you feel at your witts end but hang in there because this too shall pass. I have three boys that are seven, four, and two. I know that when you get worn down things seem a lot worse than they really are, so if I can off any bit of advice it would be to get a sitter and take a day for yourself to recharge to be able to come back and be the best mom you can be. I have had to tell myself to let some things go for now. We all want to be super moms, but the cleaning can wait, the laundry can wait. Take that time to do something for you and I know that once you do that you will feel like you can conquer the daily tasks. Don't hesitate to ask for help also. Perhaps swap kids with a friend for play dates. Good Luck!!!
mom2four says
I totally agree with Sarah (comment #36). I have 4 kiddos and having clear boundaries and rules help TREMENDOUSLY. Also, so they sleep in late? When my 2 child was youngest I read an article that was a lifesaver for me…..in talking about babies/toddlers, is said basically that we try to keep them up a bit to wear them out so they sleep well but really sleep begets sleep. My oldest (12) still goes to bed between 8:30 and 9, buy it all started while she was young. I read a series called Babywise (they have multiple titles for different age groups like Toddlerwise, etc.) that helped tremendously. I didn't do ALL the things in the book, but most of it was VERY helpful. I'll be praying for wisdom, rest, and comfort.
Jenbolaya says
I am not a mom myself but from what people have told me, it's much easier when you have a job away from home. That way, you get a little break from the kids among other benefits that comes with working like social networking and intellectual growth. It's tough having to take care of young children all day.
Leah says
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I have been there.
Some of the posters above said that having a 2 year old in the mix is part of what makes it so bad. I think when any one child is being particularly demanding or going through a difficult stage–and it seems to stretch on forever–that's when you start to break. For me it is/was my 3 year old son. For a good 6 months straight there in the past year it was particularly intense; every single day was physical tantrums, defiance, hitting me or his 5 year old sister, getting everything out, coloring on the walls/everything, gets out all his toys and won’t clean them up, etc. He is so stubborn and still so young that setting limits for him hasn’t really sunk in, so every day is a constant battle. So many times I have been at my absolute wits end by the end of the day. Just utterly with nothing left. (My husband works a lot and I often must do my kids' evening routine by myself as well.) My son is slowly improving as he outgrows this awful stage, and although we are not out of the woods yet, I can see the light. And I know from my 5 year old how much a child changes from 2-5 years old.
I believe that different stages and different kids make “the hardest” times different for everyone. But know that you are not along. Although each age will bring different challenges, there’s something about taking care of little kids that is DRAINING because they demand SO MUCH of YOU. Which you are usually giving on not enough sleep and not enough “me” time. And that’s really hard. Maybe harder for some than others, depending on your personality and your kids, but still. It’s tough. I love that being parents teaches us how to be selfless, and I am so, so grateful for that, but sometimes it can be too much. We need a break or some boundaries with our kids when we aren’t just bending, but breaking.
Get some time for yourself, set some limits with your kids if you think it necessary, and know that yes, it will get better. I promise it will!!
Lynne says
I have 3 now ages 14, 11 & 7, but when they were younger I had many days like you. I still do…they're just different demands now. Days that saved me were hiring a babysitter if I just needed some time. As in taking them to the sitter's house instead of at mine or trading babysitting with someone else and them taking mine during the day when I could be home alone and watching theirs when my husband was home to have help!!
Unknown says
you are great mother. Don't worry. I will babysit for one day. I would love to help 🙂
Amy says
Sarah, why don't you bring your girls over to my house for a few hours to play with Axel and you can go shopping or sew or whatever you want. I would love to help you out, Axel would love the play date. Maybe they wouldn't like that? But I have lots of things to keep them happy. Text me, love you hope things got better today
kronca says
Oh, how I feel your pain! I have three kids: ages 10, 7 and 3. Two boys (older) and the youngest, a girl. We did not establish a bedtime ritual with the first and paid for it dearly. By the time the second one came, though, I knew what to do (and not to do). I get all three in bed by 8:30pm or so with the youngest, obviously, in bed first. Bedtime ritual is a MUST. No wonder you are going crazy with no time for yourself if your little ones are up until 11pm. No wonder you are exhausted! My routine goes like this: upstairs to get ready by 7 pm for the little one (the boys don't have the same issue, as they are older – really since the routine is established, they are just told to brush, shower or change and get in bed. We tuck them in at night, listen to prayers, etc., but it's really quick)she brushes her teeth while mommy makes sure her room is ready. I purchased room darkening shades so her room gets really dark even in the summer! She has a princess nightlight that I put out for her, I make sure her radio is on, then I help her brush and floss, pj's on, and one last potty. She picks out books while I get her clothes ready for the next day. I read her 1-3 stories depending on the time and lengths of the books. Then I tuck her in, kiss her goodnight (lots of hugs), close the door, and she's done for the night. Usually, she's so tired, she's right out. Sometimes, she will get out of bed to pick a book to look at in bed. I have already told her that it's okay as long as she stays in her room. If you are consistent and STICK WITH IT, you will feel loads better!!
Hope this helps and hang in there! All us moms feel the same way! It's hard to be a great mom! You are doing great!
Seamingly Smitten says
Sarah, try to take care of yourself first. Figure out what you need. Is it a full-night sleep? Time away from the kids? Plan a lunch date with a friend. Go to dinner with your husband. Get a babysitter for just that short amount of time. I have 2 kids under the age of 3 and what they need most is a mom that is loving, consistent, sets rules, and sticks by those rules. Your kids need you to feel your best each day so they are given the best each day. All these phases will pass – the whining, the neediness, the potty training and diaper phase – and one day you may just wish they could be little again so you could hold them 🙂 Keep it up! They love you! Just get some rest and set some rules.
me says
I am chuckling and shaking my head while I read this, NOT at you, but the fact that I have two (5 and 3 yr old girls) in the background arguing right now, not getting along and in about 5,4,3,2,1 seconds (yep) here they come crying to mom to fix their problems. It does feel like it is never going to get better, doesn't it?!? I am in the same boat, sister!
But I have read thru some of the comments and there are some awesome tips and advice. Make sure to be strong and hang in there and seriously take time for yourself!!
Love your blog and everything about you!
Des
dotblogg says
ohh…I'm so sorry, it must be tough for you..:( If I was closer I would take care of your girls-all day! and you could go to SPA or just sleep all day (although it's better to relax away from home because at home you always find something to fix/clean). I hope you'll have this dream day very soon!Such a breath of a fresh air will make you feel better, you'll see:)*
I'm sure it gets easier as they get older..I admire you-you're a superwoman and super mama!
Jenna says
I totally feel you on this. I don't really have any advice (because I'm in the middle of it myself) but you aren't alone in feeling this way. Absolutely frustrating isn't it? Thanks for being so honest.
Manic Insomniac says
I'd watch them for you (if we knew each other of course) just to give you a break, any time you needed it. *hug*
Unknown says
I think you are an amazing person, especially when it comes to sewing and your genius ways of crafting. But I would like to say that even with the best things in life, there are always struggles. I cannot share of experiences in my life to comfort you or even compare, but I would like to emphasize that you should just take a breath and remember that there are others out there who have it worse. I am one of 7 children in my family so I understand the chaos. But I am also a 26 year old, healthy woman who has had 3 miscarriages and my husband and I a just hanging on a thread of hope and prayer that we can just have one child. So be grateful you have your children who keep you busy unlike many others, including myself, who are wishing to be in your spot. Stop complaining and focus on the positives in life. You sound like a whinning child wishing to have more than you have.
Tahnee says
Hey! I feel you really need to teach your little girls to fall asleep on their own!
You will have more me time and it will teach them better sleep habits!
In no expert, I only have 1 10 month old but it's just some advice I have! Good luck!!
Kate says
I feel this same way sometimes and I only have 1 daughter who is 18 months. Compared to other toddlers I know, my kid is a dream but it is still so hard trying to do it all on your own, day in and day out. Here's what I do when..er, IF she naps!
I always take 10 minutes a day to just sit and be calm and be thankful, alone. Breathe! I tell myself that this is the life I wanted, to be a mom, a wife. That things can always be worse. My baby is healthy and happy and that in itself is a gift, lots of other moms would die for their kids to just be able to run around and play. Then I think about the future. When my husband and I are retired and all the kids are grown up and moved away. I will miss her like crazy! And that is when I'll have time, more time than I will know what to do with, to sleep in and take naps, to read, to go to school, to create, to do all the things I want so badly to do right now but can't because I am a mother first.
Thinking this way helps put things into perspective for me. I wish so badly that I could have some help, a babysitter or daycare, heck even just a friend to vent to! But it's just me! You'll pull through this I just know it. Try to picture your life without your girls…impossible right?
SupaFlowaPowa says
i just read this – and let me start by saying you're not alone but to stay positive and "be of good cheer." I can completely relate to the question of when they are asleep, it's not even time for you to sleep – you just keep on going, trying hard to do all those things you couldn't do while they were up! I only have one but I already know the big family I want is going to be tough. I think your'e doign a great job – it's going to get easier – of course it is and then you will have two girls to talkwith and to watch them go through being a mother as you did yourself! Don't forget to take time for yourself though – whether that means a mani/pedi, a facial, a face mask… something! Don't ever forget happy mommy is happy EVERYTHING hahahaha happy wife, happy life.. happy mom, happy for everyone.
SupaFlowaPowa says
and one more thing – last night as I was putting the dishes away when everyone was asleep – I thought…man, it'd be nice to have a housekeeper so I could go to the gym instead of this…. hahaha is that awful? I felt awful for thinking it – but I even thought – maybe in the future, I can work and use the extra money I make to pay a housekeeper – I don't mind the baby care but I don't care so much for the cleaning part on top of the rest sometimes… ahahaha
http://www.phillipspost.blogspot.com
Evie says
This post so resonates with me. It could be any day in my life.
My babies are 2 and 3 with 13 months between them. I love them more than life itself but most days they drive me to screaming point. And beyond. Daily they find my last nerve and stamp on it! And my husbands job take him away from home at least 2, more usually 3 or 4, nights a week.
For what it's worth these are my hard earned coping strategies:
1. Bedtime is set in stone. Mine will try anything to avoid going to bed but, however hard it is and however much they shriek and fake cry…It.Is.Bedtime.And.You.Are.Going.To.Bed. It took a while but now they are seldom awake past 7.30pm.
2. Mummy's Day Out is a must. Every couple of months I take a whole day out. The kids get to spend a whole day with Daddy and I get to be me. I go to the city or to a workshop. I drink coffee and read. I have lunch. It's a sanity saver.
3. Accept help. This one was really hard for me, but now if someone offers to babysit, I'm outta the door before they change their minds. I'm blessed that my mother and mother-in-law live close by and give me lots of support. Most of the time I use it just to catch up with stuff that needs to be done, but every now and again I sneak off with a book and go for a coffee, or lock myself in the sewing room with the radio.
4. It's only 14 months until my eldest goes to school! And 26 months till the youngest goes. I remember this every day.
5. My children are adopted, so even though there are days when I wish I'd kept the receipt, I, like you, wouldn't swap this for any price or prize.
As the saying goes "this too shall pass". In the case of our kids…it passes too quickly.
Sending you hugs and strength.
skinnyginny80 says
A friend told me she sometimes bribes her little one with a jelly bean if he puts himself to bed by himself on particularly long days. If he puts himself to bed by himself then he gets a jelly bean in the morning. On certain days I think that's totally permissible for your sanity.
Pearl says
Sarah, you have so much wonderful advice from all the wise mothers out there.. I think if you take their advice to heart, establish, bedtime routines so you don't have to be in there until they fall asleep, say "no" sometimes, hire a babysitter once in a while and take time for yourself, eat lots of yogurtland and let other people hug you, you will feel better. I'm telling you, working part-time literally "saved" me. I feel like I'm a better mom, wife and better person, now that I have a few hours by myself and can "think" I don't think I even had time to think when I was a stay at a home mom with two young ones under 3.
Love you sis!!
Pearl