Life is Beautiful

Motherhood, Sewing, Family

What I Hate Most about Motherhood

~ MOTHERHOOD, SHARING MY HEART WITH YOU

 

 

 

I made my son cry hysterically today. He was whining and talking with attitude in the other room then started freaking out and eventually crying. I thought his whining just accelerated so I  yelled at him to stop whining and take care of it himself, so I can finish my emails.

His crying and hysteria got worse so I finally stomped to the bathroom to yell at him some more when I saw massive blood dripping down his nose, and all over the carpet(yes, we have carpet in our bathroom, do be jealous), toilet, sink, his clothes, everywhere.

 

I was shocked but became more irritated at all the mess I’d have to clean up now and instead of softening, I grumpily told him to lie down as I rolled wads of tissues for his nose. As I watched him trying to calm himself down but with hurt so apparent on his face, my heart finally melted and I apologized as I kissed his sweet face over and over.

 

He told me how hurt he was that I wasn’t even listening to him when he was trying to tell me he got a bloody nose. He said that was why he was crying, that he wasn’t whining, he was scared.

 

My guilt consumed every part of my body as I profusely apologized and kissed him.

 

The most excruciating and the worst part of motherhood for me is not the lack of freedom or free time. It’s not the memory loss I suffer after having kids, nor giving up my fit, toned body I had pre-kids, or all the things I am sacrificing like my career or education.

It is the constant reminder of my weaknesses. The constant reminder that I’m not good enough. That I failed again. That I yelled again. That I wasn’t attentive enough, fun enough, sweet enough, don’t feed them fruit/veggies enough, patient enough, loving enough, not enough. That I should have handled or reacted way better. That my pure and precious children deserve to be treated better, with more grace and calm. That I probably damaged my children mentally and emotionally from my yelling or outbursts or freaking out. That they’ll learn and mimic my bad examples throughout their lives.

I am so tired of it. It is so tiring. It is so exhausting. I hate it. I never feel enough because motherhood reminds me CONSTANTLY of my imperfections.

 

As I drove home after dropping him off at Preschool, my heart aching and thumping loudly from massive amount of guilt and remorse, I had some thoughts come into my mind.

 

1. Everyday, write down or take mental notes of all the “good mother moments” you had. You’ll realize they far outweigh one or two mistakes you made today or any other day.

 

2. Do something that makes you light up everyday. Find that light and make sure to recharge your soul daily. The more you’re charged, the more light you can give to your kids. 

 

3. Jesus atoned for every degree of sin, pain, or remorse, including your pain and the guilt you are feeling now. And even the pain your son felt by your actions. But not only that, it covers complete healing. Atonement encompasses all. 

 

Repent and the pain and the “trauma” you think you caused on your son, will be gone and he’ll be completely healed. This moment will not affect him negatively in any way and he’ll remember them no more.

 

Jesus heals all wounds, hurt and sadness we cause on our children, if we repent, as long as it’s not serious sins or major trauma. It’s a part of the package. There is a reason why kids are so pure, forgiving, loving, and quick to forget.

 

As long as you repent, they’ll no longer remember it. Not talking about really big mistakes and major trauma, we are talking about the little, daily mistakes you make as a mother. Because you’re suppose to make those mistakes. Mistakes are seen more as the path to improvement, in the Heavens. Failing, yelling, losing it, the mom guilt, repenting, trying, you’re doing it just right, that’s exactly how it’s suppose to be. 

 

God is reminding you of your imperfections so you can refine them and become better and stronger. There is no growth in comfort. 

 

But be kind to yourself. You’re excelling in motherhood. Every mother that will read this when you share it, are excelling in motherhood. Believe and know that you are an excellent mother and you are doing it just right. 

 

1. I apologized to my son many, many times and gave him so many more kisses and cuddles than normal. And that “normal” is already a lot! I reminded him again that every time I yell or get mad at him, it’s never him, it’s me. Because I decided to fill my cup with the not-so-good juice and when he bumped it, I spilled the not-so-good juice. If I had filled my cup with good juice, I would have spilled good juice instead. So it wasn’t his fault.

 

I spoke more softly and gently throughout the day and was mindfully more patient. I took him on a lunch date and after eating lunch, he got to eat ice-cream in the car on his way to Preschool, which he thought was the best thing ever. When he got home from school, he was very eager to show me a magic show and while I was the only audience, I made sure I made up for it with my ooh’s and aww’s and the clapping and the cheering.

 

I made the kids a healthy dinner with a lot of different variety of vegetables and then we went grocery shopping and I let the kids pick out any ice-cream they wanted. I was patient the rest of the day and never yelled or lost my patience.

 

The only “bad mother moment” I had was when I yelled at my son this morning. One “bad mother moment” compared to the hundreds of “good mother moments” I had? I think I was a pretty good mom today.

 

2. What makes you light up? What makes you feel alive and present and excited? What makes you vibrant? It could be singing, poetry, reading, swimming, biking, sewing, sports, hiking, being in nature, listening to uplifting music, but whatever it is, find it and make sure to add it to your life daily. The more recharged you are with whatever that lights you up, the more light you’ll be able to share with your children.

 
3. I am still wondering if #3 is true. I want to believe that all the trauma I think I cause my children disappears when I repent and I’m forgiven, but a part of me is still like, really? Is that really true?

But as I was doubting, my daughter came up to me right after that moment and said to me, “Mommy, you are the best mom ever.”

Maybe it is true.

Comments

  1. I feel like I mess up constantly. I try to be patient, but then feel like my kids run all over me. Or I feel like my husband is too lenient, then i’m left to make sure that things get done like homework, cleaning, etc., so I look like the bad guy and i’m never fun. I try to use positive reinforcement, but sometimes I can’t find anything positive that they’ve done, like literally nothing! How awful is that? It’s good to see that other mothers have similar struggles. I try to remember that parents aren’t perfect, they’re just people.

  2. I needed this today. Thank you for writing something so relatable. I had a very trying day with my headstrong two year old daughter. I love her more than I could ever Imagine, but she knows all the buttons to push to try my patience. Im working everyday to be the best mom I can. But it’s so easy to feel like you’re failing when times get rough.

  3. Hailey, thank you for your comment and it’s always good to hear we are not alone, right? It makes me know that it’s normal to have these feelings! We are doing it just right mama. And I can tell you are a great mom. Your 2-year old daughter is very lucky to have you as her mom.

    Love,
    Sarah

  4. Angie, I appreciate your comment and you sharing your story! I can relate all too well! But you being frustrated when trying to find ways to be a better mom, is exactly the reason why you are an excellent mom. You are doing it just right.

    Love,
    Sarah

  5. The first part resonated with me, every time I feel like i could have handled a situation differently/ in a kinder better way, i drown myself thinking about it like I’m the worst person ever or that i could have made a difference (Not necessarily in parenting just in day to day things). I think there is good and bad to being like that. In a way, we can always learn from situations and better ourselves as a person. But also, we can’t let it affect us to where we can barely function. Like when you were crying just thinking about it, trust me i can relate. One time on a trip to Mexico, a lot of people were trying to wash my windows and i kept saying no. One guy jumped on my car and started washing the window anyway, i got mad and i made him stop but i tipped him anyway. And then later that day I told a guy no repeatedly and also jumped on my car and started washing. I honked at him and yelled and drove off without tipping. I was so angry but not even 5 minutes later I felt so horrible. I kept thinking “ he was just trying to make a little bit of money, I don’t know his situation I shouldn’t have done that” I kept thinking “who am i to treat people like that, it was so wrong of me” so I drove back to the same spot trying to find the guy praying he was still there because I would not be able to be ok with myself if I didn’t apologize. He was there, I explained why I treated him like that and apologized sincerely and tipped him. He was so nice and apologized too and said he was in the wrong for not listening in the first place. Anyways, I learned that I need to do it right the first time and I keep that in mind everyday and try to be the best side of myself that I imagine god wants me to be. So what i can’t undo or if there’s situations I can’t fix/ handle, I pray extra For peace of mind and wisdom and comfort for everyone involved. In the end that’s really all you can do I believe. Anyways, I love seeing your posts, you are a kind hearted person. We have different beliefs but I think some of them are the same.

  6. Gosh I needed this tonight. I am in nursing school full time and in an accelerated program, and I lost my sh*t this weekend at my 17 month old for bothering me-he was hungry, and I hadn’t realized 3 hours had passed where he played mostly independently.

    I think it’s so easy to get wrapped up in our adult world, and forget that these little people still require so much of our help and guidance. I hope your day gets better. And I hope you stop feeling guilty. Let me know if you need a crumbl pick me up (ut county native here!)

    All my love! Xoxo

  7. i am 37 weeks pregnant with an almost 3 year old. i appreciate you sharing this because it’s hard!! its hard to have that constant compassion and I only have one child to look after. Something I have found really enlightening is the relief society women’s declaration, it says “find nobility in motherhood”. It gives motherhood a different for me. you’re amazing, thanks for being real.

  8. I think the most important part is being able to apologise. Your children will learn that it’s okay not to be perfect all the time. If you are aware that you hurt someone and you let them know that you feel bad about it, they will forgive you and fondly remelber your honesty when they are older.

  9. I don‘t have children, but here is what I learned from my mother: she is the strongest person i know, and i admire her flaws. What i also learned growing up with her is that she is just a human being with her own needs and problems. A child has to learn that. Just because you made a mistake won‘t damage your child. You apologized, and that is the most important. You told your son you made a mistake and you constantly want to improve yourself. There is no need for perfection because there is no such thing. You are a good mother.

  10. Soo needed to hear this today!! Had a similar feeling of guilt, helplessness and extreme extreme heartbreak yesterday when I yelled at my daughter for dawdling in the morning with breakfast while i was packing lunch and the clock ticked fast!! Had to drop her off as she missed the bus and yelled some more on the drive while my baby was soo quite and traumatized by my behaviour. Realized what I had done on my way back and wanted to go back and give her a hug but had another one waiting at home to be dropped. What a horrible feeling that was and the whole day I was praying that she comes back safe and sound so I could apologize. Welcomed her with a tight hug and “I am sorry” cupcakes and all was forgotten with the beautiful smile. All she said was “I understand mom. I would yell too if my kids were getting late to school”

  11. Last week when you we’re getting flack from viewers about plastic grocery bags, I screen recorded a part of your story, and played it over and over several times because it was gold! you said, “are you perfect? No! am I perfect? No! Are people gonna change because you want them to? No!” Ive been working out things in my life with those (your) thoughts in mind and over the weekend I was led to the thought, “[god] sent us Jesus to give us the hope and possibility of a greater potential!” (Almighty- David Butler) as I read your post the constant thought was that we all have a greater potential (no matter the mistakes we make) and that hope comes from Jesus! Good bless you in your adventures of motherhood!

  12. This is so on point. What A wonderful reminder to use God’s word and prayer to direct us as mothers. I believe what will stick with your son most is that moment that you asked for his forgiveness and kissed his sweet face. Your meekness will pass on to him. In such a consuming world, May the lord help us every day to be better mothers.

  13. i LOVE FOLLOWING YOU ON iNSTAGRAM:). (DON’T KNOW WHY THIS WON’T LET ME CAPITALIZE HERE…UGGG.)
    MOMMY-GUILT IS THE WORSE KIND OF GUILT. I HAVE 5 CHILDREN AGES 22-7. AND I HAVE DEALT WITH IT SO MANY TIMES. BUT COMING FULL CIRCLE. WHEN gOD (CAPITAL G, CAPITAL G…UGGG!) CONVICTS ME TO APOLOGIZE FOR SOMETHING, HE IS PRETTY SPOT-ON. THE MAJORITY OF TIMES THAT WILL BE WHAT MY CHILDREN WILL BE STRUGGLING WITH INTERNALLY. HUMBLING MYSELF TO MY CHILDREN HAS IN TURN SHOWN THEM THAT I AM AN IMPERFECT HUMAN, BUT THAT I LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO WANT A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. GRACE IS A WONDERFUL THING!<3
    KEEP SHARING! LOVE READING ABOUT YOUR CORNER OF THE INSTAGRAM/BLOG WORLD <3!

  14. I really needed to read this today. I am sobbing hoping that my son is having a good day at school- that he is able to concentrate and learn; that he forgets how i lost my temper this morning when he wouldn’t let me help him brush his teeth. How I see that my anger does transfer to him and his pure soul. He doesn’t know how to express his anger and frustration. I can’t blame him. I’m still learning. Thank you for sharing. And for being real, true, and honest.

  15. Thank you so much for your thoughts and for sharing them. I feel the same way about being a mother. I don’t know about epiphany number 3 either, but I do know that the atonement is all Incompasing. Christ can and will heal our children of the hurts our mistakes cause, and use those experience to help them become a better person. god knew we wouldn’t be a perfect parent when he sent us sweet beautiful children, he planned for it. Keep up the good work Mama!

  19. Thank you for sharing your story so honestly. Your authenticity is refreshing. You’re doing a great job.

  22. I love this. Mom or not it definitely applies. I love how open and candid you are. I normally follow your posts on Instagram, but this was worth reading. Thank you.

  23. You are a ray of sunshine. You are doing a great job and it reflects in your sweet children. Also, I was able to swipe up and comment but, it won’t let me capitalize any letters.

  25. Just trying to comment from my mobile.

    Also, motherhood is hard enough. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Forgive yourself. You’re doing a great job.

  26. Lovely thoughts. I’m pretty sure everyone who meets you thinks you are a great mom. I love that you share such honest sweet and valuable info about all the things…..
    Thank you.

  30. Hi, following u from Instagram n leaving a comment just to check if it works. Seems fine, btw using mobile to leave comment.

  31. Mother’s guilt is real! Thank you for sharing this story so that I don’t feel quite so alone in moments like this. And your epiphanies make for good advice in my opinion.

  33. You are doing a great job as a Mom. I have 5 kids and I know I have made mistakes and still make mistakes every day. I always try to apologize and make sure they know I love them more than anything. I think it’s important for kids to see us lose our cool sometimes as long as we make amends afterwards. It shows them that we aren’t perfect and that we can understand them better when they are having a hard time. I admit that sometimes I need to lock myself in my sewing room to recharge my batteries or make time to get a workout in so I can be a better mom to them. There’s no one way to be a mother, we all have our own style and way of doing things that works for us and our families. We just all need to be kind to one another and be kind to ourselves.

  35. This is a beautiful post, full of true wisdom. A great mother is not one who never makes mistakes, but one who wants to be a great mum. It’s the intention that makes one great.

    Your children are your greatest teachers, listen to them wholeheartedly and follow their joyful hearts.

    I would enthusiastically recommend the teachings of Esther Hicks when it comes to parenting. Like you wisely wrote, unless we are aligned to our own hearts we have nothing to give.

    The “mistakes” are not about what we “do”, because action only follows our vibration, our thoughts and perceptions. When we are feeling good in ourselves then we are inspired to positive actions. So therefore, the only “mistake” you can ever make is in not caring about how you yourself feel emotionally. Not being aligned with who you really are at Source….and that’s only ever temporary until you ARE once again. Blessings.

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