My youngest, my sweet baby boy is now two years old! His first birthday we didn’t throw any party, I didn’t even make a cake or had him dig into even a store-bought cake like the usual first birthday traditions. I had planned to throw a traditional Korean 1st birthday party for him where you dress him up in a fancy Korean traditional outfit and make a feast for the guests and lay items on a table that each represent something such as a pencil: smart and a good writer, a thread: a long life, money: prosperity, shoes: strength and speed and such and whatever item he picks up first is what his future would hold for him. So I had bought all the ingredients to make the food, had a Korean traditional outfit saved for him from before he was even born, bought ingredients to make sugar-free cake with homemade whipped cream for him to dig in, it was to be a great party. But when the day of the party came and I tried to find his traditional outfit, it was nowhere to be found. I searched everywhere, in the crevice of the closets, under the closets, in every corner of our house, in the basement, but to no prevail. I became very frustrated and since the party had to be perfect(I am such a perfectionist, it’s all or nothing for me in so many instances!), with perfectly cute pictures that I can proudly show him when he’s an adult(and post on Instagram and blog, I’m not going to lie, I did think about how cute he’d look in his outfit and how I can show him off to you guys!), I just decided to not throw the party at all. I thought, maybe at least I’ll make him a cake but by then I was feeling so exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed, not just with the party but with having 3 kids. Luckily, we only invited my parents so it wasn’t a big deal. We just ended up going over to their house with dinner(I just made pad thai) and we sang him a birthday song with no cake or candles. 

One thing that’s changed within myself within that first year and now is that I no longer expect perfection. I think that was the hardest reality I had to learn to accept and be okay with, after having 3 kids. I read an article somewhere that mothers with 3 kids are the most stressed than mothers with 1, 2, 4, 5, or more kids. After talking with numerous mothers, they learned that it’s because mothers with 3 kids still try to do it all when it’s impossible and they constantly feel guilty that they fall short. And it is so true! I am a lot better but it’s still hard for me to accept. After 3 kids, the article said the mothers’ expectations get lower and they just give up pretty much, and they’re more on survival-mode, just getting by with the basic necessities in order to just survive. That sounds a little depressing doesn’t it? Haha. You can read more about the article here. But it is so true, you just need to learn to accept that you can’t do it all, it’s just impossible so you need to learn to enjoy and love the chaos and the imperfections you are living in. And by the end of the day, even if the house is a huge mess, your kids are filthy and you didn’t really get anything done on your to-do list, & you are about to lose your sanity and want to scream and cry and you lost your patience on your kids a few times that day, you realize you have fed your kids, played with them, kept them safe, loved them, protected them, taught them values and morals. The most important things that were on your to-do list you have accomplished after all. For those of you that can relate, I want you to know that you are doing a great job mama. You are a great mother. 

So with his second birthday, I didn’t throw him a Pinterest-worthy party, I didn’t make him a Pinterest-worthy cake, I didn’t dress him up in a Pinterest-worthy outfit. We spent all day together going to feed the ducks, playing with his new toys, eating out, having a tea party, & lighting up the 2 candles on the cake & singing a happy birthday song over & over again just so he could blow out the candles about 20 times. It wasn’t “picture-perfect” but it was perfect for me and note-worthy nonetheless.  

Happy birthday to my sweet, funny, silly, inquisitive, brave little boy. Momma is obsessed with you, but you already know that by now. My love for you is timeless and immutable, always and always.