I think I’ve said this before, but I never intended this blog to go so “public”.  Jay started the blog to document our family and our new baby for mainly us, and then family and friends.  Then when I noticed we got a small group of readers from many parts of the world, I got a little nervous after reading an article about a mommy blogger’s baby picture being used on an adoption site, and decided to make it private.  But they only let you have 100 private followers and we received more than 100 requests for an invitation.  I didn’t know what to do, so we kept it public.  Then a couple years later, I felt an inclination to start sewing(that I haven’t done for almost 10 years), and to post them on this blog.  I believe it was God’s little guidance, a gentle push.  Mad cheesy?  Yeah, I agree.  But it’s true.  Then I gained wonderful, thoughtful, sweet readers like you, and keeping this blog opened up many wonderful opportunities, not to mention a motivation to sew regularly and stretch my creativity.  Oh, there are so many things I love about blogging.  I love it more than I hate it, or else I wouldn’t keep blogging, and I am so grateful.  But there are quiet a few things I hate about blogging.  And if it wasn’t for this continuous “push” I feel from God to keep blogging, I think I would seriously think about ending this blog right about now.  

I’m not going to stop blogging now, in case a few of you are worried.  I definitely won’t be blogging forever, maybe a couple more years, and then this blog will be private, but who knows what the future will bring. 

So let’s talk about my hate relationship of being a blogger shall we?  I can be such a pessimist sometimes. 😉

1. I feel like such a narcissist.  We live in such a narcissistic world, don’t we?  Facebook, blogging, twitter, pinterest, instagram, and yes, I have them all!  But I can’t keep up with them all, so I mainly blog and all the others are on a back burner.  But still, blogging definitely brings out my narcissism, and this is probably what I hate the most.  I felt narcissistic when I got Facebook and was always posting pictures of myself & what I did/ate/make/do, but now that my attention has moved to the blog, the narcissism continues(I think blogs are less time wasting than Facebook though, since blogs are like online journals that your future generations can read, while Facebook is just a “look at me!  Look what I did” that lasts less than 24 hours on people’s newsfeed).  I’m not blaming Facebook or blogs for my narcissism, I admit it, I was always a little narcissistic sometimes, I do like to tell stories, talk about myself, and take pictures, but when I blog like 4 times a week, I get so sick of myself!  It’s always about me, my family, what I did, my thoughts(like this post now:), but I mean, that’s what personal blogs are right?  It’s always about me.    It’s not like I can write as if I’m another person!  If it’s about someone else, something else, it doesn’t matter, it’s my friends, my family, my opinion, my preference, it always comes back to me.  And I try not to post personal stuff about my kids or too many pictures of them, but that just makes it worse, because it’s more pictures of me! More about me!  My husband hates taking pictures(being in the pictures and taking the pictures for me), so the pictures I post end up being mostly me.  I talked to a friend over the phone a few days ago and she told me to post more pictures.  I told her, “What?  As if I don’t post enough pictures already!”  I recently got Instagram and some of my friends have asked me to add them, but I tell them that it’s private, and it’s only for me and Jay.  They ask me why and I tell them, “Because my blog is so public and you get enough of me already.  Aren’t you so sick of me already?  You do not need to waste your time on me more than you already do by reading my blog.”  If I am sick of myself, then other people surely are too.  

2.  We will be doing something and I think, “Ooh!  This will make such a cute blog post, where’s my camera?”  And then I’m busy taking a ton of pictures and then not be in the moment.  One example that I’m very ashamed of is this post.  We woke up to some snow outside and we built a snowman and had a snowball fight.  In the middle of it I thought, “Ooh, this will be a cute blog post!”  And took pictures pretty much the whole time.  Even during the snowball fight when I was running away from my kids throwing snowballs at me, I was running backwards so that I could take pictures of them.  So pathetic.  I am still so ashamed I did that.  I could have instead lived in the moment and paid attention to my darling girls instead of worrying about taking not blurry pictures for my dang blog post.  I am SO much better now because after that incident, I realized how pathetic I was being, thank goodness.  Now, I still have those feelings, “Ooh, where’s my camera, I should blog this!” But then a lot of the times I tell myself, “Shut up, Sarah.(literally.  I use those exact words to shut out my thought)” and I make a conscientious effort to be in the moment and remember the details in my mind instead of through the pictures.  I have never done anything with the thought of “Ooh, what can I do to make a cute blog post!” beforehand, and oh my, I vow to never become that, and if I ever do become that, that’s the day I will stop blogging. I still take pictures obviously, but not so much the spontaneous events or happenings, but more like trips and big things that I would’ve took pictures anyway even if I didn’t have a blog.  And even then, I try to snap pictures very minimally and quickly so I can put the camera away and live in the moment.  

3. “What should I wear to this outing?  Because I will probably take pictures of my outfit and post it on the blog, so I gotta wear something I haven’t worn on the blog yet.”  And instead of throwing on just a t-shirt and shorts, I spend a lot more time contemplating in front of my closet on what to wear.  Ugh.  It’s worse because I have wonderful sponsors who give me a lot of free clothes(and that is one of the things I am grateful about blogging!) that I have to take pictures and post on the blog within 14 days of receiving them.  Then I ask whoever’s taking the picture to “take a full body shot” so you can see my whole outfit.  Then I look at the picture that was taken and then think, “Oh, that wasn’t good lighting, it doesn’t show the colors of the top very well…”  I don’t ask the person to take the picture again, because that’s just annoying, so I add to my checklist that I need to take better self-timer shots of the outfit later on.  which comes right back to the narcissism.  I post so many pictures of myself because I have to post the clothes I get from my sponsors.  I feel funny looking directly into the camera for pictures because I’m tired of seeing my face so much already, but then I feel funny acting like I’m not looking and it was a candid shot, when we all know it wasn’t candid at all.  The latter seems more narcissistic, no?  Either way, I feel funny.  

4. The privacy of my kids.  I am really naive(something I wish I wasn’t), and I trust everyone.  So I really honestly think only nice, and good people read this blog.  But what if I’m wrong?  If you are not nice and good, can you let me know so I can try to block you?  Thanks, I appreciate it, you are so nice!:)

5.  Sometimes, not that often, someone comes up to me and tells me they read my blog.  I get really bashful and embarrassed but I think it’s so sweet and flattering at the same time.  But then I think, “Oh crap, she probably just heard me yelling at my kid.”, “Oh crap, she probably saw me just pick my wedgie.”, “Oh crap, I look like crap.”, “Oh crap, I probably smell like crap… and taste like one too.”

6.  I’m already addicted to the internet and the computer, and blogging just cultivates it a lot more.  Not to mention I stay up much later than I should.

7.  Okay, like number 2, this is more what I used to hate about blogging, but now I have under control.    I used to care a lot about the number of followers, number of comments, number of visitors, stats, but now, I don’t as much.  I used to compare a lot to other bloggers and get jealous and bitter, but now not so much.  I used to want to profit from this blog as much as I could, and for a moment that was my main goal, but now it’s not.  It’s not even one of the main reasons for blogging.  I am happy where the blog is now, and even if I didn’t earn a penny more than I do now, I am satisfied.  Of course if chances come my way to earn a profit, I’m not going to decline it, but it’s just not my focus anymore.  When I stopped focusing on making this a profit blog, I stopped looking so intensely on the numbers and statistics.  Then I stopped comparing and getting jealous.  

8.  The more I blog, the more I like the attention and the compliments on my sewing projects.  There, I admit it.  So it’s back to #1, the circle of life!

*For you bloggers, do you have a love/hate relationship with blogging?  What are they?  I would love to know if other people feel the same way!