adi pushing rapunzel on the swing.
last friday when we woke up and had breakfast, we went to target, the grocery store, and then the playground just like i had promised the girls if they were good. when we got home, we ate lunch, then i did my daily routine for naptime which is giving adi and ana their milks, tucking adi in her bedroom, turn on the heater and the humidifier in her room, then turn on the ipad while she watches something for 5-10 mins. while i put ana to sleep. so i closed her door and then went into ana’s room, turned on her heater and humidifier, lied down with her while she drank her milk, then waited until she fell asleep so i could quietly sneak out of her room to go put adi to sleep and to take a nap myself with adi too. i do this every single day. and not once in the last 2+ years did i ever fall asleep while lying down with ana since i knew adi was waiting for me.
well, this day was different. i guess i had fallen asleep because i suddenly woke up and found myself lying next to ana. i quickly reached for my phone and it was an hr. later. i jumped out of the bed and snuck out of the room and when i entered the hallway, i saw adi’s room’s door wide open, her ipad shut off, her bedroom lights on, and her missing. i called out her name and then i saw down the end of the hallway that the door from the kitchen to the laundry and garage doors were open. i ran out and saw the door to the garage was open and the garage door was open. there was a ladder by the garage button and i panicked. i ran out bare foot, yelling her name and looking for her. i kept yelling her name but she was nowhere to be seen. i ran back inside the house and yelled her name while searching every bit of the house, just to make sure she wasn’t inside the house. and she wasn’t. my heart sank even more and as fear grew even more, i ran outside again and started running around the neighborhood. thoughts were running through my mind like what happened to her? where is she? did someone take her? oh God, please please help me find her. please please help that no one took her away, please. should i call 911? oh my, jay’s gonna be so mad, oh Heavenly Father, please, let me find my little girl, please, i begging you.
it was the scariest, most horrible 5 mins. of my entire life.
after running through one side of my house, i ran back to the house to go run to the other side of the house and then i saw our renters from the basement standing in our front yard. with adalie. adalie was holding a jar of gummy bear vitamins and apparently she wanted to share them with her friends in the basement so she went and knocked on their door and was with them the whole time. thank goodness. oh my, what a relief that was!!!
i was so happy to see her but then i remembered she went outside without my permission so i didn’t know how to react, whether to pick her up and run around screaming for joy or to scold her. so i just walked back with her, with my hand on her back, and told her how she cannot go outside without ever telling mommy or daddy and how scared i had been. right then, jay pulled up into the garage and he knew by my look on my face that something wasn’t right. when he got out of the car, i just held him tight and started crying. i told him what had happened and i thought he would be mad at me but the first thing he did was laugh and say, “so how fast were you running? i wish i saw you running barefoot around the neighborhood.”
we went inside the house and i just lied right then and there on the kitchen floor and didn’t move for at least 20 mins. i was in such shock and fear that when it was released, my body felt so weak. i lied there thinking how grateful i was that she was safe and that i found her but what could’ve happened to her. oh, i shudder at the thought.
so yes, i nominate myself as the worst mother of the year. it’s true. and it will never happen again.
Shelley Noble says
That must have been the worst cold blooded feeling. So sorry you were scared.
Not to add to your concerns, you've had more than enough for today, but please make sure neither girl can get to the gummi vitamins by themselves.
I've heard stories of children eating too many, as they taste like candy, especially when mommy or daddy aren't there to supervise, and they can overdose on some of the vitamins they contain.
ok, enough worry for the day.
MommyMeagan says
no. totally NOT worst mother of the year. sounds more like most tired, maybe even exhausted mother of the year. God had her the whole time. Keeping her safe because he knew you couldn't. Right that minute you needed sleep, so he tucked your precious one in his hand- but took her far enough away to remind you to take better care in 'locking up' when it's nap time.
He does things like that to remind me all the time. I can't tell you how many times I've gone running through my house screaming my girls' names because they think it's funny to hide at the worst times. Hang in there. Being a mother is NO easy job. They say it gets harder when they are teenagers. Boy are we in for it!
Amada says
Oh, dear! You were under so much stress fot those few minutes! Don't blame yourself. Really. I would never call you the worst mother. You are one of the most caring "blog-mamas" I know. Undesired things happen all the time, even when we are most alert and protective. So don't blame yourself for falling asleep. JUst take your girls out for an ice-cream and tell them how much you care and love them! <3
xoxo
Jessica at Me Sew Crazy says
Oh you poor Mama. Please do not beat yourself up over it!!! These things can happen, and now we can thank God that everything is ok. Maybe add a bolt chain lock to the top of your door…lol
Sorry not funny at all, but I just feel so bad for the panic you must have felt. Can the girls nap together? that way you only have to put them down once, both at the same time!
Lori says
I am so sorry that you had to go through that. You know as mothers we are going to make mistakes, LOTS!!! You must have been VERY tired!!! Make sure that you have deadbolts on your doors outside and lock them at all times then the little ones can't get outside. I will share with you my worst mother in the world life!!! My daughter went to church choir on Tuesday's after school. The church van would pick her up and I would get her at 5:00 after work. Almost every week the choir director would have to call me to come get her. No matter how hard I tried I would forget to get her. I might remember earlier in the day but when it got close to time I would get distracted and forget. This was years ago before cell phones with alarms. The director was a very special lady and was always nice. She is one of my special friends now.
You are a wonderful mother, never think different!!!! When you have woopsies just chalk it up to learning!! Love reading your blog!!!
Blessings, Lori
~amy~ says
You are NOT the worst mother of the year…it's obviously that you are a fabbie momma…you were exhausted…you fell asleep…it happens…you would be the worst mother of the year if you didn't go through all the emotions that you went through…I feel your anxiety..I lost my boy once in the store..turned my back and POW he was gone…it is THEE worst feeling a momma can go through….here's to a calm and relaxing weekend.
Shelly says
Not the worst mommy in the world. We all have our moments. So thankful everyone is safe!
Chynna says
You are so hard on yourself! I can tell from your posts that you are such a loving, hands-on mother…and these kinds of things just happen sometimes! You are doing awesome!
Shasta says
Oh honey…I have a entire wall of "Mother of The Year" awards. With seven kids and only two eyeballs, ears, and arms it's bound to get sticky at times. The important thing is that she's safe and undoubtedly, you learned something. Beating yourself up over it doesn't change a thing, move on and believe you are the BEST mother for those little girls. Hugs to you…from one tired momma :0)
Beth says
I think everyone goes through those moments. Our neighbor's three year old girl did something similar, just two weeks ago. It doesn't make you a bad mom- it makes you human. And someday, when your girls are moms themselves, it will be an amusing story to tell them.
piggie1230 says
not worst mother of the year.
Two stories for you, both from about 20 years ago:
My mother once forgot to pick up my little sister from school. She was in kindergarten (I think? maybe prek) and they had a half day, which my mom had forgot about. She was out running errands, and was happy to get to school 15 minutes early so she could be first in the pick up line. The school was pitch black and locked up. This was pre cell phone, so after waiting for my mom to come pick up my sister for an hour or so, they called my dad, and he took her to work and she did the "I'm cute give me candy" thing to his coworkers (this always worked, incidentally). My sister for *years* would remind my mom to pick her up from school. My mother felt like the most horrible person in the world.
One of my friends (whom I met in college) decided when she was four or so, that she needed to run away. And buy the horse that lived a couple miles down the road. She gets up at four am, dresses her little brother (who was one). She put on his jacket, but only one shoe for some reason. They start walking down the road to buy the horse (with her collection of dimes and pennies). Her parents wake up a couple hours later to find the front door open and both their children missing. And only one shoe. Panic ensued. Neighbors were out searching. Police were called. Apparently the local highschool principle was driving to work, saw two very small children wandering along the road and decided to pick them up before someone kidnapped them. She took them to the school, got them breakfast and called the police. They were eventually reunited and she's lucky to still be around.
Melanie says
I agree with Shasta, you are the best mother for your two girls. No one can love them and mother them better than you. Everyone makes mistakes and I've certainly heard worse stories than that. They're both safe, and I'm sure happy. Forgive yourself.
Nancey says
You are definitely NOT the worst mother! We all make mistakes. I keep a blog list of all of my mommy mistakes : ) http://mykindofanonymousblog.blogspot.com/search/label/stupid%20mommy
quixotic says
*hugs* *more hugs*
still very much loved and cherish ๐
Hambergoosa says
Hey I thought I would let you know I saw your feature on luvinthemommyhood about your pleated dress, I featured you on WillowWould.blogspot.com as well, So excited to become a follower and you're a good mom, stuff happens.
Dorian says
I'm so sorry you had to go through that! Thank God He was watching her the whole time! I know of another mom who fell alseep and her daughter woke up WAY early and open the sliding door to the backyard and walked out, barefooted into the dead of winter. She miraculously survived. Anyway, all that to say, you're not the first or the last momma who will go through such terror (also losing children in the mall, right?) and I can only imagine your fear. My heart beast faster and there's ringing in my ear when I think of it being my son! He's getting older so I know I'll be installing bolts to all my doors (VERY HIGH!) because, you know what? Sometimes we all fall asleep on the job! Don't beat yourself up, hon! Just hug her extra tight and think about bolts! Thank God she's safe home with you!
Paulette, Jvona & Rachel says
I have 5 kids, ages 11 to 2. A few weeks ago I got a call from a neighbor asking if the 2 year old was with me. I started looking for her and found the front door standing wide open. She had run to the major cross street and had almost been run over by 3 cars. This is what the police told me when they brought her home. And I was reported to CPS. I felt like the worst mommy alive, yet I know these things happen to moms. Thank God they have angels watching over them. We now have a door chime and more locks on the doors. One that can be opened only with a key. We do the best we can with what we have, and then learn to do better.
-Paulette
janie says
i can't imagine how you must've felt because my blood ran cold as i was reading this entry and felt like i just couldn't read fast enough.
but here's what i think…you're giving yourself WAY too many points toward the worst mother of the year prize. sadly, there way too many other ppl deserving that one… i can think of so many more things that you do for your daughters that would easily throw this one incident off the balance. no question about it.
as far as i'm concerned, i've always considered adi and ana extremely blessed… VERY VERY BLESSED to have you and jay as their parents and this one little blip isn't going to change that one bit… and hopefully, it won't for you. LOVE YOU!
Lynne says
don't beat yourself up – thank goodness she was alright, but what mother hasn't done something like this before? Um…none! If someone says they've never done something like this they're…lying! ๐
Holly says
You are a great mom because you held it together enough to give your daughter a lesson, that's the hardest part of the job, realizing that they as children don't understand and it's our job to communicate to them. I've had my share of break downs when the kids aren't looking. Kudos to you!
Mรก says
First of all, I am soooo sorry…It must have been just the worst feeling ever!!!But…Let me share my "similar" freak out case with You. My grandma from Brasil that doesn't speak a word in english came to stay with me when I had my son in 2009, one fine day, when he was maybe two months she said she was going to stay outside for a little bit to calm him down… I kept looking and looking and all of a sudden she is not outside anymore…So I go around, look more, walk to the houses close to me and NADA!!!
Then I got my car and for 40 minutes I freak out…because she obviously didn't have a cellphone or anything….Around and around the blocks… I cried so much, my heart sank…The worst feeling ever.
Carrie Taylor says
I lose my kids all the time, especially Jack since he thinks he can do anything himself being 4 almost 5 years old. And these things happen and make you feel horrible but the fact that you were scared and praying to HF for help shows that you are a good mom.
Casey Lu says
You are NOT the worse mom of the year at all. I had a very very similar situation with my son when he was 1.5 yrs old (he is now 12), at 2 in the morning. I woke up not feeling right, and checked my daughters room and she was fine, checked my son's and he wasn't in his room, searched the entire house, no where to be found(the front door was shut) so didn't think he was outside until I couldn't find him. By then I woke my hubby up and we searched all over the neighborhood on our second lap around our street, he was 2 houses over at the little kiddie park AT 2 in the morning! I felt the exact same way. So don't beat yourself up about it, thank goodness she was safe, God was watching over her, and hopefully she doesn't do that again. One thing we did (as we found out our son was a sleepwalker) was put locks at the very top of the door where he couldn't reach them with a chair or step stool. That has helped a LOT!
Laura @ ON{thelaundry}LINE says
Aw, hun, stuff like this happens to all of us, thank the Lord nothing bad happened. My youngest brother was such a wanderer we had child locks on all the outside doors, and locked them from the inside, and most of the time I was assigned to watch him constantly. My mom would put a load of laundry in and come back upstairs and he'd have unlocked the door, opened it despite the childproof handle, and wandered outside. Then he'd climb the gate and unlatch it, ride it out, and go for a walk. The Lord watched over him for sure, because he's been brought back by neighbours from our neighbourhood AND the next one over, with a busy street in between. From 2 to 4 years old this stuff happened every other week, because he'd always manage to slip away when whoever was watching him was in the bathroom or doing laundry or something! My poor mother. No wonder she was so prematurely grey.
Lavina says
I've been there. My 4 year old wondered away from me at Homedepot. They even called a Code Adam. He was hiding in the door display. I was terrified. When I found him I just held him and cried. Sending a big hug your way because I know how horrible it feels.
Kayla R. says
We have all been there!!! SOOOO scary!!!
mariah says
Not even close to worst mother of the year! Scarey things happen! SO glad that Adalie was safe and with your renters. I can't imagine that feeling! She probably looked at you like "whats wrong mommy?" and high five to you for not losing it right there in your front yard!! I would have lost my mind!
So glad everyone's safe and sound!
Sarah says
wow i'm so surprised this has happened to so many other mothers too! it makes me feel SO much better haha! and yes i told my husband to go buy the bolt for the door. good tip, thanks ladies! ๐
Ruth Cooke says
Been there, done that. My youngest got out when he was about three or four–he's autistic and has no sense of danger. We didn't find him for almost half an hour, and by then he was at the police station, happily playing on their computers! He'd been spotted running down the street towards a busy intersection by a man who watch for a bit, then caught him and took him to the principal of the nearest school (we live between two elementary schools.)
So no, you're not the worst mother on earth. It happens. Kids are kids, and they don't know how dangerous it can be.
Virtual hugs to you, and as someone whose youngest is now twenty, I can tell you that you won't regret the choice you've made to stay home with your kids. You're a great mother, Sarah!
Pearl says
sarah, oh my goodness… how scary..what a scary age these little ones are at…i need to buy a bolt for our door too…and you are such a good mom i wouldn't be so hard on yourself…adi and ana are so lucky to have such a creative, young, fun loving mom..unni ga
Cara says
Oh honey. My heart hurts for you. How scary – I'm glad she's safe and hope you're feeling a little better. Worst mother of the year though? Not by a long shot.