*My eyes are getting really tired of looking at so many pictures of myself on here…so here are some pictures of my bebes. They’re far more pleasing to the eye. π
Our oldest daughter Adalie did something really sweet today for her little sister, and I’ve never been so proud. Like heart-melting, teary-eyed proud. And I think for the first time of being a parent, I thought to myself, “Whoa, we are actually doing a good job in raising good kids whom will benefit the society! We are good parents after all!” I always knew Jay was an excellent father, he’s far more patient than I am, but I did give myself some credit today of being a not-so-shabby parent after all.
So this is Adi & Ana with their juice cups. They are very, very attached to their juice cups and have been drinking from it since they were about 10 months old. It’s actually their milk cups, which they drink from it in the morning when they wake up, right before nap time, and right before they go to bed. We’ve been trying for about a year to wean them off of their milk cups(they drink water and juice just fine with regular cups), but haven’t succeeded yet. We’ve upgraded the milk cups to a bigger size, switched out the suction/nipple part a few times from wear and tear, including a couple months ago when Ana bit off the suction part. We told her that this was the last time we got her a new juice cup, and if she bites off the suction part again, then that was it, and she would have to start drinking from a regular cup.
Well, tonight as she was drinking milk from her milk cup before bedtime, she bit off the suction part and a chunk of it came off. It didn’t just happen from tonight, it was a combination of the past couple months of her chewing it , and it had it’s last straw. Right after it came off, she ran to the corner of the living room devastated, and just started bawling. She was so heart broken! Two things she always asks for before napping or going to bed is her milk cup and her blankie. She is so attached to those two things, so with one of her security item gone, and remembering what we said about how we weren’t going to buy her a new one, her little heart was broken and she cried for a good while. Then when she slowly came back to where Jay and Adi was, Adi says to her, “AaaannnaaaAAA-!” with the same/reprimanding voice that I use, and then she quickly says, “You can use my suction thing, Ana.” Jay then said to her, “What are you going to use?” and she said, “I will just drink from a regular cup so that Ana can use mine.”
I was downstairs during this time with my bachelorette GNO, so I heard all this from Jay, after the girls were in bed and as Jay and I were cleaning the kitchen. And as I was washing the dishes, I felt a gush of tear and gratitude that we are doing a good job after all. That I’m not so bad of a mother after all.
I had lunch with my friend a few days ago and I told her how I thought I would’ve been a way better mother than I actually am. That since my dream occupation since I was 5 years old was to be a mother, and I babysat since I was 12 every weekend, and nannied a family to 1 year old and a 7 year old every day of the summer for two years from 8-5 pm, I didn’t think it was going to be that hard, and how I was going to be this amazing stay at home mother. But then my dream came true and I didn’t love every minute of it like I thought I would. That the first time I got burned out being a mother, I thought I was a terrible mother for feeling so. That being a nanny wasn’t that hard, so I thought being a mother was going to be the same. That I saw all these mothers who said they loved every minute of it, and I felt super guilty and inadequate that I didn’t love every minute of it. That sometimes I just need to get out of the house and have some time just for me. To get out with my husband or my girlfriends without the kids, and enjoy being myself without worrying/tending to my kids. To first feel like me, instead of feeling like a mother first.
My friend also said to me, “Me too! I thought I was going to be a way better mother too!” And shared some of her stories with me too.
But then I guess even we didn’t know just how hard being a mother is. How challenging and self-motivating, selfless of a job it is to be a good mother. How it will test your patience to the maximum and stretch your capacity to be a better person in every extreme possible way. And no one will ever know just hard it is to be a mother until they actually become one themselves.
So tonight I felt assured and validated that all my work, effort, and sacrifice is really paying off. That I have two really great, wonderful children.
Anonymous says
Hi! Great post, again π
I sometimes too question my 'skills' as a mother, but hey, nobody's perfect. And it's OK. I love every minute of being a mother, even if sometimes I think to myself I just can't do it any longer(I love it to different degrees – less, more), I still love it when I need to and do take my time apart from the kids, I love that feeling that I get when being a bit far from them – that I miss them, that I'm going to be their mother no matter what, that I can't wait to get home and hug them, even if at the same time I wish I could stay out for a little longer… :))). I used to feel guilty at times, but then I also think about this – I cannot do everything for them, I can't, as my power, my knowledge is limited… so I invite God to join me in this endeavour:) I know and pray He helps, and that makes everything better. π That's just my way of dealing with this paradoxical, but wonderful, time of my life.
Great pics, by the way!
Elena
Nena says
Thank you for sharing your uncertainty of being a mom. I have felt the same. It is get to hear that many experience this as well. Thanks,
D
Nena
hautemama says
Really great post , I feel the same way π
Sam Adams says
Yeah I'm with you there. Taking care of someone else's kids is so different then being a mother. Soo much more responsibility! Thank goodness for naps!
SunShineyRain says
It's great when you get the pay off, but being a mom is the hardest thing i have ever done. I owned my own business and worked 24/7 before my three girl came alone. On bad days i think mabye i should go back to work. Then something wonderful will happen and i know i am doing it as right as it can be done.
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Talitha says
I love this post, you have such gorgeous daughters, and obviously very kind hearted too. I cannot wait to have my own kids, but I am also pretty scared of being a mum, I just hope I don't stuff it up >.<
Keep sharing!
Talitha xx
tina says
Love your blog! Just found it recently. I am mother to two teenage boys. And over the years I have had my 'feel like a bad mom' moments. My boys have become awesome young adults. Sometimes I think my heart will explode with pride! And I don't doubt for one minute that your girls will make you proud too. You are a great mom! π [email protected]
Sarah says
I guess for me when I say I love something, I take it literally and to me it means, I really genuinely love it where I'm smiling and enjoying every minute. So it confuses me when people say they love every minute even when your kid is driving you crazy, you yell at your kid and feel terrible, you want that break for yourself moment. Do people really LOVE every minute of those moments? Like they're smiling inside and enjojng it? I don't understand. But then, I guess my definition of "loving every minute of it" is different than someone elses.
Thank you so much for your comment!
Sarah says
You are so welcome, thank you for your sweet comment!
Sarah says
It makes me feel relieved when I hear that others feel the same way too sometimes! Thank you!
Sarah says
Yes, it really is! And when you're just babysitting, you're not cleaning the whole house, doing laundry, cooking dinner, teaching them the alphabet, etc. And yes, what would we do without naps? π
Sarah says
I know exactly what you mean! And I would love to work honestly while my husband stays home, lol. Thank you for your comment!
Sarah says
You are so sweet, THANK YOU. And you'll be a great mom since you're worrying that you won't be a good one. That means you will be. π
Sarah says
Thank you so much for reading my blog! And that is so awesome that your boys are wonderful young adults, what a major accomplishment! My hat off to wonderful mothers like you!
Elena S. says
I know what you meant in this post, in your comments. But to me, love is not all smiles. I repeat, to ME. I perceive love as a huge, huge state of heart and mind that cannot be easily defined or explained, that is made up of happiness and sorrow alike, of joy and pain, of craziness and calmness and so on… I feel love stronger or weaker(when it comes to my family I mean), it depends on moments, on how I feel, on how I am at times. But altogether, it is love I'm talking about. Maybe not happy love, but love nonetheless. Happy love implies a high degree of comfort for myself, but loving is also giving and even that giving sometimes can hurt, in most unexpected ways. So yes, I think loving every minute of it may mean loving it all, as it is, joyful or hurtful, to me.
Have a wonderful weekend! And thank you for the opportunity you gave me (with your post)to explore my inner feelings, it feels good to sometimes just take some time and think about it. π
Sarah says
Elena, I like your definition of love so much better than mine. Love is accepting it all, through the bad, the good, the easy, the hard, and everything else. Thank you for your thoughts, you are a wonderful person!