This post is sponsored by Zappos.
This girl is a non-stop fun. She is always making people laugh around her. She is a happy, easy-going, bright little girl. She’s always been a sensitive, caring person ever since she was born, but I didn’t realize just how sensitive she really is until last year, when she was 7. Daddy was away with the other kids, leaving some alone time with just me and her. “What do you want to do? We can do anything you want to do!” I said to her excitedly, expecting her to say, “Monopoly! Ice-cream! Watch a movie!” But she exclaimed instead, “Let’s cuddle!”
So we went and lied down in her bed together to cuddle. As I put my arms around her and kissed her cheek, I said “Are you happy? Is there anything that is making you sad in your life?” She was quiet for a moment then I felt her body tremble. I looked at her and she was about to cry! Feeling panic set in, I asked her, “What is wrong? What happened? Did something happen to you?” Then bawling her little eyes out, this was what she told me. And I share this with you with her permission.
“Remember that girl in my class in 1st grade? The girl that kept crying at our play? Well, it was because her daddy left her and her family so she was crying. I still think about her and I get so sad! Why did her daddy have to leave her? And I feel so bad for the lions! Everyone thinks they’re mean animals but they are just being themselves, they are not bad! They catch other animals because they need to eat in order to survive! It isn’t their fault! And the polar bears! They are going extinct because we litter and it pollutes the air and the icebergs melt because of it! When all the icebergs melt, where will they take a rest? They can swim really good but they can’t swim their whole life. And I feel bad for the penguins, they are really nice but they are going extinct. Also the butterflies!”
By this point, I was speechless. I did not know that she was keeping all this hurt inside of her! My poor little girl! Taking on the pains of the world. My sweet, sweet child. But she kept on going.
“And even though it’s not us but other people, people litter and they’re our brothers and sisters because we all come from Adam and Eve. And the dinosaurs all died because a huge meteor hit them but it wasn’t their fault! They didn’t do anything except to eat plants and eat each other but they need to in order to live. Then their eggs don’t get any love and they get stepped on. And people kill animals and leave them suffering. I feel bad for all things that live. Even bugs. Why do people step on them and kill them? And there’s war and every second people die! Like one person die, two person die, three person die, four person die. And I am going to miss my teachers, every year I have to say bye to them and they are such good teachers, I don’t want to say bye to them! I will miss them! I miss my Preschool teachers, my Kindergarten teachers, my 1st grade teacher and now I have to say bye to my 2nd grade teachers! I know school is only half way over but still!”
Can you believe these things came out of a 7 year old? After listening to her, consoling her and putting her to bed, I think I just sat in the living room for awhile trying to soak in all the things that she had said and how I could help her.
One of the things she also mentioned was how she wanted to go on more mother daughter dates with me. And we have been trying to go on more ever since. Last week, we were getting ready for our date and she wanted to match me so we both wore our Superga shoes, which are comfortable and timeless sneakers . Superga is a classic Italian brand since 1911, known for their iconic “2750” style in the 1970’s. They offer shoes in a wide range of colors, fabrics and prints for women, men and children. They are the perfect shoes to throw on to your casual outfit to make it look effortless and chic!
HOW TO RAISE AN EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY CHILD
- Listen and then validate his/her feelings. Even if you don’t understand or think they are being way too dramatic or too sensitive, still validate by saying, “I am sorry.”, “I can see that this has been hard on you.”
- If their negative feelings are towards you, do not get defensive. Focus on your child’s feelings and how you can make them feel better. Remember, this isn’t about you. Once your child calms down and feels better, then you can bring up whatever you wanted to say in your defense.
- Don’t tell them to stop crying. Let them let out their emotions. Don’t tell them to hide it in. It is not bad to cry. It is okay to cry and feel sad sometimes. It’s a part of life!
- Being sensitive is a strength, not a weakness. Don’t label it as a bad thing or make them feel shamed or embarrassed that they are sensitive.
- Make them feel safe by saying, “Thank you for telling me this.”, “I am so glad you are telling me this.”. “It means a lot to me that you are telling me this, you can always tell me how you feel. I am always here for you and I got your back.”
- Do not trivialize your child’s feelings. Do not say, “Suck it up! Stop crying. Get over it. This is not a big deal.” This will make them bottle up their emotions next time and also not tell you and hide it from you. Little kids do not know how to cope with their emotions at first. Only by seeing you validate their feelings and consoling them, will they learn how to console themselves as they get older. Some adults think by coddling them and babying them, their kids will never learn to control their emotions by themselves and be more dramatic in the end. But the opposite is true. If they don’t learn how to cope with their feelings through seeing you and how you treat them, they won’t learn to do it for themselves, thus creating an unhealthy emotional child who will bottle it in and then explode at the end, which will cause them to act dramatic.
Would you add anything else to this list? I’d love to hear it, I love hearing advice from other knowledgeable moms out there, because I don’t know everything and there’s so much I need to learn.
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