Photo by Natalie Chitwood
I read an article from Yahoo! Parenting about women going on speed dating(read the post here), not to meet the man of their dreams or to find a potential future husband, but to meet other moms and to make new mommy friends. I thought, genius! I would totally go to that! Would you?
For me as a mom, I find being a stay at home somewhat isolating and lonely at times. Not lonely as in I’m alone all the time, I’m NEVER alone, my kids are always right next to me or in the same room(especially my 15 month old son who literally has to be touching me at all times), but lonely as in I don’t interact with any adults in the day until my husband comes home from work. When I get frustrated with motherhood or get weary, or when I am overwhelmed with so much happiness and my kids do something so darn cute, my heart is twisting, I want to share it with someone else who knows exactly what I am feeling. So yes, I love having mom friends, but more so, I need it.
So how do I make mom friends? Or any new friend for that matter? I do what my 5 and 7 year old daughters do, I ask them if they would like to be my friend! Little kids make friends so fast and easily, my daughters go up to anyone they want and say, “Do you want to play with me?”, “Do you want to be my friend?” and then the other kid nods and they go off to play and they’re best friends! And why shouldn’t it be as easy as that when it’s with us adults? It really is pretty simple to start a friendship. In keeping a relationship and making it to the “Best Friend” status? Oh, that’s a little more difficult, it’s just like dating I tell ya. But initiating a friendship is simple, I promise!
I’ve had two experiences where I met the girl a few times and I thought they were really cool, genuine and kind. So I went up to them and said, “I think you are really cool and I want you to be my friend.” Then I joked that I might sound a little creepy but it’s not as creepy as me stalking them the night before with my binoculars looking through their window. 😉 Both times with both of the girls, they started laughing and they were so flattered! One of them even started to cry and said she was so happy I said that to her and that we’re going to start hanging out everyday. She is becoming one of my favorite people on this earth and one of my best friends. If you think about it, everyone will be flattered if someone came up to them and said, “I think you are so cool. Can you be my friend?” unless you are obviously some creepy person. But you are not and you are cool, and no one will be weirded out by it, only flattered. It definitely helps to use a little sense of humor too.
I’ve never had someone come up to me and ask me in this blunt fashion like I have, but if someone did, I would be so flattered and would want to get to know them! Also, there might be some moms that see other moms and think, “Oh, that person is so outgoing and seems like she has a ton of friends, so I don’t think she needs more friends…”, then you are wrong because I am outgoing and I have a lot of friends, but there are times when I feel like I don’t have many friends and I need more! One can never have too many friends in my opinion. And sometimes, I’ll call a friend to talk about something and she’s not picking up her phone so I call another friend and she’s putting her baby down for a nap, so I call another friend and she’s out to lunch, etc. and I feel like I have no friends. So don’t let that intimidate you or stop you from approaching someone. Everyone needs more friends!
So next time you see or meet someone you really wished was your friend, just get some guts and ask them! More likely than not, they will love you right back. And I would love to hear about how it went!
How do you make friends? Do you find it hard to make new friends, especially as you get older?
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.
Have you read MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend by Rachel Bertsche? It's a really cute memoir about a woman who moved to Chicago from New York and she was looking for new friends because all her other friends lived far away. I also just moved cities and found that I could really idenfy with this book and even used her as inspiration! She mentions a bunch of the thing you mentioned in your post. Good for you for actively seeking friends!
Love this post. I have to be honest and say that I scope out some of the mommies at Marli's Gymobree class and during open gym to see if any of them (or their kids) would mesh well with us. haha I totally need more mommy friends!
Linh
http://abeautifulrawr.com
Thanks for the lovely post. I have just moved to the US and have zero friends where I am. I am rather introverted, and while I am friendly, with people I find it hard to make the first move. I agree that if positions were swapped, I would be so flattered myself – that is a good place and reminder to start with the next time I see someone I really want to be friends with but am too shy to make the first move.
Great Post! I like checking in on your blog and glad I saw this entry. We are now a military family and it's hard to leave good friends and family back in good ol' Provo. So, these tips will definitely help me out in making lots of new friends. Here's to new adventures!
I love this post! Can we be friends?
It sounds like a very cute book, I want to read it now, thanks for the recommendation! And that's awesome she mentioned similar things! I hope you are making many new friends in your new city!
It's so much like dating, just like you "checking out" other mom friends to see if there's any potential! Haha, I love it! And I hope you make more mommy friends, you can do it! 🙂
I wish we lived closer, I would be your friend! 🙂 And it definitely is hard to make the first move, I get a little shy or intimidated sometimes too. Play along your shyness, I think it'll be so adorable! The person will be even more flattered and touched that you're shy but you got the courage to make the first move. Man, making friends is just like dating isn't it? haha. Good luck and I know you can do it!
Cherisse, I had no idea you guys are now a military family! I think you are super cool and super sweet so I know whoever you go up to and talk to, they'll love you and you'll make new friends easily! Good luck and I hope you make lots of new friends. 🙂
Um, heck yes!!! I just tried to stalk you but your 3 blogs have no posts and your blog Stuff by Kayela's last entry was back in February! But your illustrations are stunning, wow! You are so talented! Do you live in UT? If so, I think we should meet. assuming you were serious about asking to be friends? 😉
No, I really am serious! I do live in Utah and I think we should go on a mom date;) I love your creativity and I think we would have a lot of fun! I'll email you!
Oh and my current blog is http://www.kayelalarsen.com 😉
I really loved this post and have actually started using the "I think you're pretty cool, want to be friends?" opening in emails and in person. It has totally worked too! I'm still very introverted and shy but I've made it my goal to find more people to be friends with. Thank you so much for writing this.
Oh and I'm actually going to suggest friend speed dating as our next RS activity. What a great idea!
I love the idea for using it in RS activity! Please let me know how that goes! And good on you for using that and how it's working for you! Makes me so happy to hear that. 🙂