Oh hello.  Don’t you just love it when I have my midnight ramblings about life?  Haha.  You can read Part One if you’d like, I get really deep and philosophical, I’m warning you.  You probably hate my ramblings and don’t even care but I love it.  And I care.  So anyway… my title for this post is “Why I say I’m sorry to my husband first when I know he’s downright wrong and I’m dang right”.  Now, don’t call me an angel or a saint because I can have some major sass and attitude and be the biggest brat when I’m angry, just ask my husband. 🙂  But this lesson is something I’ve learned several months ago and something I try my best to remember and implement when I get annoyed/defensive/mad at my husband.  

Let’s say my husband and I get in a fight(hypothetically speaking obviously, since we’ve never fought of course ;).   Even though I know he was so wrong and I was so right, and he needs to apologize to me first since he’s the one who hurt my feelings, I go to him and say sweetly, “I’m sorry honey.” and sincerely look into his eyes.  Just 20 seconds before this, I was so irritated and annoyed at him and mad at him.  I know I am right and he’s so wrong!  ARGH!  But then I stop and I realize and ask myself, “What is more important, me being right or us having peace?  What is a better way to live my life, being angry and holding a grudge until hoping he’ll realize how wrong he was and apologizes, or I decide to forgive and humble myself and apologize to him first?”  Then I decide to forgive him and apologize.  And most of the time he doesn’t even know I’m mad at him, what the heck!?  He is clueless as to why I’m mad at him.  Well, if he doesn’t even know what he did, what’s the use of pouting and giving him the silent treatment?  That leaves only the frustrated wife even more frustrated the more time it goes by, and nothing gets resolved.  If I say I’m sorry first and he goes,”Huh? For what? What happened?”(what planet do men come from again?), at least I’m calm and I’m able to speak to him with respect and not out of anger or frustration.  He will listen more intently because I’m speaking from a place of love and not hatred.  I’m not going to pretend like I do this every time, oh, I have a long ways to go to be the person I’d like to be.  But I can distinctively remember two times I’ve done this and when I said I’m sorry to my husband with sincerity and love, he just looked back at me and I saw his face soften and letting go of any negative feelings towards me.  And getting those negative feelings replaced with love, respect and humility.  He comes to me and gives me a big, long hug and sincerely apologizes to me.  We talk about it while we’re both calm and kind to each other, and he acts super sweet to me, and vice versa, and so I’m happy, he’s happy, and life is good again.  

As I get older, I realize life isn’t about being right.  Or being stubborn or prideful.  It isn’t about proving someone that they’re wrong just so they can tell you that you were right.  Life is about having happiness.  And peace.  I choose happiness and peace over having contention and being pissed off because I know I was right.  And in the end, I get the result I wanted anyway which was an apology and for him to treat me extra sweet and extra special.  By me saying sorry first, it softens his heart and he treats me even better.  Isn’t that why I got mad at him in the first place?  Because I wanted him to treat me better?

What are your thoughts on this?  Do you care to try it out with your husband/boyfriend/lover next time you get in a fight?