I am burnt out. Doing everything for somebody else. I’ve been getting irritated easily today and I think it’s because I need a break for myself. Or just that I started my period today. Ha. I had a good morning, woke up and did laundry with Jay, cleaned the bathrooms and tidied up the house and it was a productive morning. Then prepared lunch, fed Adalie, fed Ariana, filled up the diaper bag with diapers, and snacks and we all went visiting teaching at 1:30. Ariana was a little fussy but Adalie was really good. But having two babies is definitely chaotic even when one is being good when you’re trying to share a spiritual message. But we got it done and we came home a little after 3 and I fed both babies again, and gasp- we all took a nap together on our queen bed! This doesn’t happen often but oh how sweet it is when it does. Adalie and I woke up 2 hours later at 6 p.m and I was so happy I got a 2 hr. nap I danced around and sang with Adalie. Then I put away laundry, planned dinner menus for the upcoming week, and prepared dinner. We were planning on going to the Scera pool at 8:30 and Jay gets off work at 8 p.m so I was rushing to get dinner all done right when he came home so we could eat and go. Where have those days gone when I used to look in the mirror to make sure I looked decent when Jay came home from work? I hadn’t showered, I took 5 mins. to slip onto some clothes and put on my eyeliner to go visiting teaching and that was the only time I looked in the mirror today.
So Jay comes home and he saw me cooking and he said to me, “Why did you make food? We’re going to get something to eat with everybody after the pool.” I was happy all day long and it only took that one sentence to make me all annoyed. I tried to call him a couple of times to ask if I needed to prepare dinner and he didn’t answer or call back so I just went and prepared dinner. If I had known I didn’t need to, I wouldn’t have been so rushed and I could’ve altered my swimsuit top that I wanted to wear tonight to the pool.
On our way to the pool we were talking about my favorite show these days, ” I shouldn’t be alive.” and talked about how long people can survive without any food or water. Then I thought of all the people that die from starvation in this world daily and I started to cry and got really sad.
Then after the pool, I fed Ariana while Jay and Adalie ate dinner(the place to eat was closed so everyone went home) and I prepared myself some Korean ramen to eat while holding Ariana while Jay was bathing Adalie. I was starving and I was so excited to eat my ramen and I took one bite and it was soooo good. Then Adalie runs out of the bathroom and she comes right next to me wearing my Bath and Body Works cucumber melon lotion and the smell was so strong, I literally tasted it in my mouth. I tried to keep eating while Adalie stole my spoon and was poking me but with Adalie right next to me, I kept tasting it and then I lost my appetite and the ramen no longer tasted good. Then I got irritated and so bummed because I was so excited for my ramen and I had only taken one bite! “I can’t even enjoy my ramen.” I said sadly out loud.
Then while I rocked Ariana on my rocking chair, I ate my creamies and I got happy again. Then I realized that was the only thing I had done for myself for today! Eating a creamies uninterrupted, without Adalie taking it away from me after one bite, eating it all by myself without sharing. Man, I really need to do something for myself don’t I?
Then after Ariana fell asleep, I took a long shower, put food away, washed the dishes and tidied up the kitchen and now I’m blogging while watching Oprah. Life is good again.
I’m so tired but I don’t really want to go to bed because this is the only time when I have some time for myself. When I can do what I want. But I usually just go to bed because I’ll pay for it the next day. Argh. I miss being a little girl! I feel like I’m still a little girl but with so many responsibilities. I want to be selfish sometimes and do things for myself. My life is really imbalanced because everything I do is for my family. I sleep but wake up every few hrs. to feed Ariana. I eat while I feed my kids, I do laundry or clean while entertaining Adalie. Every action I do, it’s while watching out or taking care of my two babies. I just need to take a few hrs. for myself once a week and I’ll feel balanced and not feel so burnt out. I’ll wake up tomorrow all fine and happy but I’m sure I’ll feel like this again if I don’t do anything about it.
And now Ariana is crying. I don’t want to go but I have to. Peace out. (From Napoleon Dynamite). Man that movie is hilarious. I should watch that for my alone time. K I better go. Can you tell I don’t wanna go? K, for real. peace out.
