i went shopping for clothes for my birthday girl the other day and realized that i can now purchase her clothes from the kids’ section.  and that this year will be the last year i can purchase from the toddler section.  that gave me a bittersweet feeling yet again.  so happy she’s growing healthy and strong, and yet so sad she is growing up.  that she won’t be a toddler anymore, she’ll be a kid!  

the other day when we were getting ready to leave the house and my youngest was refusing to get dressed, i told her, “if you don’t come right now and get dressed, sister and i are going to leave without you!”  then my now 4 year old girl who was waiting patiently by my side said to me in a quiet, calm tone, “mommy, you shouldn’t tease her like that,  that’s not nice.”  i was taken aback by her response because for the first time, she was telling me to behave and be a nice girl.  i’m always the one telling her to be a nice person, not the other way around!  i just looked at her in silence for a moment because she was so right and i told her, “you’re right, i shouldn’t tease her like that.  thank you for telling me that.”  it was such a mixture of feelings, but mostly shame on myself that my 4 year old daughter was telling me to be a nice person.  kind of embarrassing!

so i made a promise to myself today.  that i will be better at being a better person.  a better mommy.  to try to set nothing but good examples for them, especially at times when i get frustrated or angry.  my brother once told me of an article he read about how so many mothers are stressed about raising their kids right, to have babies listen to mozart or beethoven for certain minutes everyday, to send them to the best schools, to enroll them in many extra curricular activities, and while all those things are good and important, the single most important thing that will have the greatest impact on their lives and shape them as a person is not what we do or say but what we are.  what kind of a person the mother/father is.  talk about pressure right?  but a good kind of a pressure.  an extra motivation and determination for me to be the person that my kids can grow up to be and i’ll be okay with.  wait, i take that back, not just okay with, but very happy with.  and i think i’m getting pretty close, i just have to work on about a hundred things and i’ll be good. 😉

oh my, i’m already crying and this is just the first sentence!  i’ve been bipolar all week.  you see, my oldest daughter is turning 4 tomorrow.  4!  i can’t belive it!  one moment i’m so excited to plan for her 4th birthday party, and the next moment i get sad and teary-eyed.  i cannot believe how fast time goes by when you have children.  it’s too fast.  it’s scary.  and it’s sad.  yes, they call it bittersweet but for me it is way more bitter than sweet.  i keep telling adalie, “you promised me you’d stop growing, how come you keep getting so smart and so big?”  and she always says to me, “mom, don’t worry, i’ll always be your little girl~!”  which makes me even more sad at how old and mature she sounds.  when every birthday approaches i think about how many years i have left with them until they leave home and go to college, and this year i only have 14 more years.  only 14 more years of being in her presence everyday wishing her good morning and good night, eating dinner together every night, only 14 more years of praying with her, pillow talking with her as i tuck her into bed, singing to her and giving her a last hug and kiss before she drifts off to sleep for the night(oh, you bet ya i’m doing all those things for the next 14 years!).  if it makes me cry at every birthday just thinking about this, can you just imagine me in 14 years when i actually do send her to college?  oh my goodness, an emotional train wreck i tell you.

but it also means i’ve had 4 years of indescribable joy with her.  4 years of wonderful memories we’ve shared.  that’s one thing to look forward to as my children get older, right?  and i am so, so grateful to God for giving me such a sweet, smart, funny, beautiful child.  that God trusts me enough to send down such an excellent, good hearted human being to me is a miracle in itself.  miss A is everything that is beautiful in this life.  she is truly beautiful not because of her appearance(even though i think she is breathtakingly gorgeous on the outside), but because she has a golden heart, so sweet and pure.  sweet is the one word i would use to describe my little child.  she has absolutely no attitude which astounds me, especially at her age.  she never hits back/bites back/pushes back or reciprocates with unkindness when playing with other kids.  she is the best sympathizer, she just knows how to calm me down and make me feel better in an instant, she is always willing to help me cook, clean, getting me stuff, she is just a beautiful soul.  i have no doubt she will make the world more beautiful, make others feel happy, and help many people with her kindness.

adalie, thank you, i’m so grateful for you.  you raise me more than i raise you.  happy 4th birthday, my little girl.  i love you without an end.

p.s: now that i wished you a happy birthday, can you REALLY stop growing after your 4th birthday?  mommy would appreciate it, thanks.

this is one of my favorite videos, it’s adalie’s very first giggle and laugh.  what makes me love it more is that it was my husband who was able to experience it, and that i get to hear him coo and baby talk.  which do you think is cuter?  his baby talk or adalie’s giggle?  i can’t decide. 😉

miss A had her halloween program at her preschool.  they did a little parade around the parents to the song ghostbusters and sang some adorable songs.  she was wonderful and we couldn’t stop smiling or take our eyes off of her.

miss a was pretty sick for a couple weeks and she’s been such a sweetheart.

but she did lose a lot of weight on her already skinny self. 🙁

and we went trick or treating with our friends.  i love having kids which gives me a reason to go myself too!  holidays are seriously 100x more fun when you have children.  seeing my girls get so happy, eager, and excited to go get as much candy as they can is one of the most exciting things for me on halloween.

we always go trick or treating around my parents’ neighborhood because it’s awesome.

some of them give out hot scones, hot chocolate, and full size candy bars.