#winningatparenting! #nailedit!
My sweet 8 yr. old thought I was mad at her for talking too much. I was mad at her siblings for fighting and whining so much. So I did what any mature, wise mother would do. I sighed heavily and yelled at them to stop fighting!!! and locked myself in my room & played Scramble(gosh, I love that game). We were day 3 into Jay being gone for 5 days(he returned yesterday) and I WAS DONE. Over my maximum capacity and running on empty. I had nothing more to give.
So as I read this note that was gently pushed through the crack on the bottom of the door, I felt SO guilty. Ugh, I’m such a terrible mom. I suck. The kids are going to make a huge deal and tell everybody they know how I yelled at them today(they always do which I tell my husband, it’s because it’s not often I yell, if it was a regular thing, they wouldn’t make such a big deal out of it! Right? I opened the door and sat right outside in the hallway with the note clenched in my fist and started to sob. I cried with my mouth open like a little baby. My 3 kids immediately swarmed over me to hug me, kiss me, my son sitting on my lap, my 1st rubbing my back and my 2nd squeezing my hand tight. “I’m so sorry I yelled at you. I’m so sorry I’ve been so snappy and impatient and whiny while dad’s been gone. I’m just so tired. Have I been really mean?” My oldest rubbing my back harder quickly said, “No, mommy.” while my second said while shrugging her shoulders, “Yes, kind of.” We all laughed and I cried some more.
We made up and hugged and kissed and ended the night with a junk food/movie night party, my idea. Wait, emotional eating is bad for you?😉 “Whoa, mom, I cannot believe you’re letting us eat all this junk food. You would never do this! Only dad! Whoa, I still can’t believe it.” my kids kept saying. And just like that, I was forgiven and all the bad I’ve done forgotten, as I won back the title of a nice mommy. “Are you a nice mommy? Are you not mad anymore?” my 2 yr. old asked me as his cookie crumbs hit my cheek. “Yes, sweet boy. I’m a nice mommy.” I said back to him.
After I put them to bed, as I starred into their innocent faces and their angelic countenance, the guilt returned back to me. I felt so weak that I wasn’t strong enough to do this on my own for even 5 days. I felt so guilty that I was so short with them.
Then I had a thought come to my mind, “Rely on me. I can help you. Don’t try to do everything on your own. Ask me to help you.” And then another, “The deeper the guilt you feel, the deeper your level of conscience lies. Feeling guilty is not a bad thing, it’s the opposite. Guilt pushes us and motivates us to improve, to be better. The deep level of guilt you feel means you care that deeply for your children, that your love is so deep for them that anytime you do something to hurt them, you feel that great guilt. If you didn’t have such a heightened level of conscience, you wouldn’t feel guilty. The more guilt you feel, the more it means you’re a good person. The deeper the level of guilt you feel, the more it means you’re a good mom.”
Zennia says
I appreciated this post, thank you! I totally get this scenario. from experience, asking nicely doesn’t always work with my 3 year old so I do end up yelling. then feel totally rotten after the frustration passes. i love how kids are quick to forgive at this age and remind me to be more christlike.
elizabeth says
i have been reading your blog for over a year now and this is my first post. i love how honest you are about raising your children. i can certainly sympathize with you having two children and one on the way. It is ok to loose control at times us moms are human too….and that guilt we feel definitely is sign of the great love we have for our children. God bless you and your family.
Sarah Tyau says
yes, it’s so hard not to yell at the heat of the moment! it does make me feel normal knowing that every mother struggles with this! who knew little tiny people whom are so adorable could make us so angry? haha! thank you for your comment zennia!
Sarah Tyau says
Aw, thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment! And you are so sweet, your comment means a lot to me! And congratulations on a third! Having 3 kids is the best, you are going to love it. 🙂 And you are so right, someone on Instagram commented to me about how she read a blog post that talked about how having our kids see the imperfections in us and when we lose our cool is actually teaching them how to deal with normal people in society! So it’s for educational purposes, right? 😉