i haven’t had the desire to blog lately but i’m here to let you know that we arrived
safely a few days ago and we’re alive. i can’t say i’m doing great at this very moment
or i’d be lying, but i guess i have no reason not to be and tomorrow i will wake up just fine.
i’m just worn out today. with my two year old testing my patience every.twenty.mins.
i thought i was a pretty dang good person before my kids turned two, before
they could talk or talk back, or give you attitude or throw huge tantrums,
but oh boy was i wrong. i lack so much patience, it’s very disheartening.
and to be honest, i’m a little envious of my sister who works full time and
drops her kids off at daycare before she goes to work, her mil picks them up and drops
them off at her house and when she comes home, her house is clean, no messes
were made throughout the day, no need to clean up after the kids 10+ times a day
and still be messy, no need to lose patience all day long and feel like you’re about
to go crazy……………… but then again i’m not in her shoes and maybe she wishes
to stay at home sometimes too. i think the government should give every stay at home
mother a free nanny/chef/maid don’t you? president obama, do you hear me?
haha, that’s gotta be the most wishful thinking of the century.
but as hard as it is with my kids reminding me ever so often how much i lack as a person,
i guess i wouldn’t grow to be a better person without these challenging moments.
like today, when i was so frustrated at my lil’ one and scolded her, she ran off crying,
“mommy where are you mommy? where are you?” and she comes back a few minutes later
saying, “are you my nice mommy?” and later today after i got frustrated with her again she said,
“mommy, i’m soweey mommy, i’m soweey. i’m just a little baby, will you forgive me?”
aww.
my heart melted instantly and felt so bad as i squeezed her tight and gave her endless kisses.
she sure is a smart one, that two year old girl!
and the craziest thing of it all is, twenty minutes after i put them to sleep and had sometime
to breathe and think in peace, and especially after a crazy emotional rollercoaster day
where i lost my temper many times, i miss them like crazy and want nothing but to go
cuddle with them, squeeze their little hands and give them many kisses and
whisper in their ears, “i’m sorry baby, i’m sorry, i’m not perfect, will you forgive me?”
but i promise mommy loves you dearly and i’m trying. very hard.
thank you for being so loving and forgiving as i grow into the mother that you deserve.
1. beautiful palm trees 2. adi & cousin 3. mom with c. 4. visiting family 5. my cute top c/o of romwe
6. uh…i wish i knew the name of the flowers? π 7. big bed + little a 8. delicious fruit tarts
9. picture taken right when we woke up to send to daddy
Ginny says
sarah i'm glad you got there safe. i have been meaning to call you. i'm sorry that its been so stressful with ana. my heart melted reading about when she says i'm just a baby will you forgive me. oh ana. i miss you three. come back! it's been lonely in utah without you. try to enjoy your vacation. have fun with the family. send them my love. ill call you soon soon soon. xx
Just Charming says
What you are feeling is very natural…at least I hope so since that is how I often feel, too.
The flowers are called bougainvillea π
Mrsink says
First of all, I think you're amazing for even thinking about taking a trip on your own with two littles, let alone actually doing it! I feel the same way you do, but of course once they are in bed and I have a second to myself, I just want to snuggle them! I'm with you…Obama, bring on the help for the stay at home moms! π
gigiofca says
Last nite I read a post by a blogger going nutz with one baby and no oot trip. She was just having a regular day. Her point was that in any job you have a break of some sort. Not the case with being a mom. I think some ppl just don't understand that. It's good to see these posts instead of picture perfect ideals in the media of what we're 'supposed' to be or be aiming for. I think lots of moms feel lonely and I imagine your posts get some head nods. π
Cherisse says
Her sweet little words are sooo cute! Looks like you are having fun! Even though it can be rough without daddy. When we lived in China, My boys and I went to Taiwan for 2 1/2 weeks so they could visit Ryan's grandma…I was nervous, it was tiring, but she had a maid and she helped me out a lot, thanks goodness! This week Ryan is on a week long camping trip with his scouts. Luckily my little brother is here or I definitely wouldn't be surviving. Your a great mom and you know staying with them is absolutely the BEST thing for them. One time I was washing the dishes thinking about the past and how I wish I had been a better dancer, gymnast, friend, student, etc. Then the strong thought came NOW'S THE TIME TO BE A BETTER MOTHER!!! It was like lightening and made so much sense. It's not easy, but ALWAYS worth it. Keep up the good work! π
Nancy's Couture says
Sarah I'm sorry you are having a hard day! Just remember tomorrow will be better, even after nap time will be better (at least at my house). I think all SAHM struggle with patience with their children. You are with them 24/7 and never get a break from your children which can be very wearing and tiring on you. I have just started having a sitter one day every couple weeks for about 4 hours so I can have some time for myself, away from the kids, so I can just relax, sew, go shopping, or to the bookstore. Even Mommy's need a mini vacation (even if it is just for a few hours) When I pick them up I'm rejuvinated and ready to handle the task of a Stay At Home Mommy. It really is the best, hardest job in the whole world!!! I am praying for you today….I know how hard those days are and how they seem to drag on forever.
Sarah says
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments ladies. I appreciate them more than you know. π
@just charming, thanks for the name! π
xoxo
shelia says
being a sahm is the hardest! i work 10 days a month, as a doctor, and that is easier than being at home with my little one! btw, those flowers are called bougainvilleas, they're EVERYwhere here in southern Cali. keep your chin up!
Alexis says
ok totally made me cry, cuz i feel you 100%. i feel like such a terrible mommy at times and then just want to hug and kiss them and love them and BE with them, right when I get that few moments alone to myself. thanks for sharing, made me feel like i'm not alone. =)
Sarah says
you ladies are so sweet. thanks for the name of the flowers too!
xo