My brother Joseph gave Jay and I the 5 lists of an irresistible man and a woman awhile back and we have it hanging up on our refrigerator. I read it often to see if I’m meeting all of Jay’s needs and it reminds me of what I need to work on. I think it’s improved our marriage and I’m sure it’ll do the same for you! (And for you single ladies and gentlemen, you can work on these now so you’ll be irresistible to the girl/guy of your dreams! π except for # 1 on the irresistible woman part. You’ll see what I mean, eh hem.
Dr. Willard Harley is a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist who has 25 years experience in marriage counseling. He identifies the ten most important marital needs of husbands and wives. He states that a man’s basic needs are:
The Irresistible Man. Dr. Harley believes that any husband can make himself irresistible to his wife by learning to meet her five most important emotional needs.
1. Affection. Her husband tells her that he loves her with words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. He hugs and kisses her many times each day, creating an environment of affection that clearly and repeatedly expresses his love for her.
2. Conversation. He sets aside time every day to talk to her. They may talk about events in their lives, their children, their feelings, or their plans. But whatever the topic, she enjoys the conversation because use it is never judgmental, always informative and constructive. She talks to him as much as she would like, and responds with interest. He is never too busy “to just talk.”
3. Honesty and openness. He tells her everything about himself, leaving nothing out that might later surprise her. He describes his positive and negative feelings, events of his past, his daily schedule, and his plans for the future. He never leaves her with a false impression and is truthful about his thoughts, feelings, intentions, and behavior.
4. Financial support. He assumes the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. If his income is insufficient to provide essential support, he resolves the problem by upgrading his skills to increase his salary. He does not work long hours, keeping himself from his wife and family, but is able to provide necessary support by working a forty to forty-five-hour week. While he encourages his wife to pursue a career, he does not depend on her salary for family living expenses.
5. Family commitment. He commits sufficient time and energy to the moral and educational development of the children. He reads to them, engages in sports with them, and takes them on frequent outings. He reads books and attends lectures with his wife on the subject of child development so that they will do a good job training the children. He and she discuss. training methods and objectives until they agree. He does not proceed with any plan of training discipline without her approval. He recognizes that his care of the children is critically important to her.
The Irresistible Woman. A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to meet his five most important emotional needs.
l. Sexual fulfillment. His wife meets this need by becoming a terrific sexual partner. She studies her own sexual response to recognize and understand which brings out the best in her; then she shares this information with him, and together they learn to have a sexual relationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable.
2. Recreational companionship. She develops an interest in the recreational activities he enjoys most and tries to become proficient at them. If she finds she cannot enjoy them, she encourages him to consider other activities that they can enjoy toge ther. She becomes his favorite recreational companion, and he associates her with his most enjoyable moments of relaxation.
3. Physical attractiveness. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, makeup, and clothes in a way that he finds attractive and tasteful. He is attracted to her in private and proud of her in public.
4. Domestic support. She creates a home that offers him a refuge from the stresses of life. She manages the household responsibilities in a way that encourages him to spend time at home enjoying his family.
5. Admiration. She understands and appreciates him more than anyone else. She reminds him of his value and achievements and helps him maintain self-confidence. She avoids criticizing him. She is proud of him, not out of duty, but from a profound respect for the man she chose to marry.
He has a book about these 5 lists and he says if one feels like he/she is lacking and not getting even one of the lists that he/she needs, then the marriage suffers in some way.
Jay and I sat down one day and read the lists to each other and wrote down what we both could work on. And of course Jay being the girl in the relationship he says to me, “I need affection too…and I like it when you call me often or text me to tell me what you’re up to because I always think of you and wonder what you might be doing…” HAHAHA!!! I love you wifey! I mean hubby!
Kory says
This is interesting. The church put out a similar list back in the ’50’s.
inadvertent farmer says
Have spent a large (won't say how large) amount of time on your blog…love it. This post made me stop and have the need to comment…GREAT thoughts! Kim
quirkypink says
Been surfing around your blog… came here through pinterest and your lovely ruffle dress for the girls.. but this post really made me stop and think… there are some things that I really need to be working on π
Sarah says
quirkypink, thank you for reading my blog! and yes, no matter how many times i've read this list, i always find things I need to be working on. π
Sarah says
thank you so much! I know my reply is super late but I just learned how to comment back on my comments! thanks for reading my blog and for your comment!