I’ve never felt more irritable, annoyed, frustrated, heart broken, anxiety, exhausted, sleepy, angry, guilt, self disappointment, or fear until I became a mother.
But I’ve also never felt more joy, pride, exuberance, determination, will power, peace, selflessness, happy, fulfilled, confident, or beautiful until I became a mother.
People told me becoming a parent is like a rollercoaster, the highs are so much higher, but the lows are so much lower. No one explained to me why that is, it was just the way it is. Now when I tell people what becoming a parent is like, I tell them the same thing but give an explanation of why I think that is.
The deeper you are able to feel as a human being, the deeper you feel it’s opposition. The more I love these sweet children, the more fear & paranoia settles in my heart, wanting to protect them. The more selfless acts I do, the more I get burnt out, annoyed or frustrated. The deeper my conscience & integrity becomes, the deeper the guilt I feel when I make a mistake. It’s not that the kids make me feel more anger, guilt, or fear, the kids have made me feel more love, patience & humility. They have stretched me farther than I could have grown on my own. They made me improve. They made me stronger. They made me become closer to God. And because of that, the opposition works that much harder to make my lows lower.
But that’s a beautiful thing. The level of guilt I feel is a direct correlation of my integrity. The guilt I feel now is so much deeper, so much more anguish than before because I’m that much more sensitive to the bad. So next time you feel guilt, don’t ignore it or brush it away, celebrate it because it means you’re a sensitive human being with a deep level of self conscience. It means you’re a great person. So sit still & let it wash you & cleanse you. Use that guilt to vow to become that much better, to rise above the adversity. Guilt is a wonderful blessing. It motivates us to change. I’m so grateful for my lows. It’s a necessity in order to feel my highs. So next time you feel the lowest of lows, remember that it just means your highs will feel that much higher.
Hang in there. You got this.