I don’t know about you but I am nervous to raise my kids in today’s world. There are so many temptations and easy access with the internet, that is one of my biggest worry; pornography and sexualized ads that are everywhere that demean women and make girls think appearances are everything. That somehow being “sexy” or a “sex symbol” is empowering to women when it’s just the opposite.
One of my other biggest worry is that for some reason it’s cool to be sassy and have attitude. And that using sarcasm & attitude to tease other people and bringing them down is funny. My girls whom are ages 6 and 8 were watching The Disney Channel a few months ago about some tween show and I just figured it’s Disney, I’m sure it’s appropriate for the kids, but as I watched with them, I was appalled! These young kids had major attitude and sass and used it to make fun of other people with the fake audience in the background laughing and making it seem like it was cool and okay. I changed the channel immediately and told the girls they were no longer allowed to watch the show, or any other shows on Disney that were not cartoon that I didn’t approve of first.
I hate attitude and sass, but especially more so in little girls. I want my girls raised to be sweet and kind, not sassy and full of attitude!
So here are some things I implement in my girls to make sure they grow up sweet, kind, strong and confident. In the beginning the list had 8 things but now it’s 11! I keep coming back throughout the day to add more things, so make sure to check back later, chances are, you’ll read something new. 🙂
HOW TO RAISE STRONG AND CONFIDENT DAUGHTERS
1. NO means NO. I teach my girls(and my son) that no means no. It does not mean maybe, or keep going, or I don’t really mean it, it means no. It must stop immediately after either you say it, or the other person tells it to you. If they were joking and didn’t really want you to stop, then they’ll let you know and only then should you resume, but you need to respect yourself and others enough to adhere to their wish, the first time they say it. The fun stops as soon as someone isn’t having fun. I tell the girls that if they tell someone no, to expect them to stop. And if someone else tells them no, to stop, then they must stop immediately.
2. Attitude drools and sweet rules. We have a saying in our household, “It is always cool to be kind.” I share with my girls my personal experiences of when I regretted being unkind to someone but how I’ve never ever regretted being too kind or giving to someone. Kindness always wins. Kindness is more important than popularity or being accepted by the “cool crowd”. I don’t let them get away with anything. If they roll their eyes at me, or give me any type of attitude or sass, I stop them immediately and let them know that that’s not acceptable. If they misbehave in any way, I zap it and let them know also.
3. There are no such thing as boy colors and girl colors, or boy toys and girl toys. I encourage them to play with whatever toy they’d like, and wear whatever color they’d like. My son proudly wears his pink pajamas and puts on jewelry and proudly runs to me to show me how pretty he looks. I never stop him and tell him that he’s not allowed since it’s a “girl color” or a “girly thing to do”. I encourage my girls to build helicopters with Lego’s, to build with their daddy on various projects, to run around and be fearless and bold and not afraid to get dirty and ruin their dress or nails. I plan on teaching my son how to cook, sew, and watch little children well. After throwing my dad’s 70th birthday party where it was basically just me and my sister who planned the party, even when we have 3 brothers, a new one has been added to teach my son to be good at party planning! My daughter-in-law is going to LOVE me.;) I plan on teaching my girls how to change tires, to build, to mow the lawn, and to play sports.
4. Gender equality means equal in worth and power, but not equal in every single aspect of life. I teach my girls to appreciate and celebrate our differences from the boys! We have the power to bear children, while the boys don’t. The boys are physically stronger, so let them protect us! The world’s view of equality is that we need to be equal in every single thing. But the way God made us is that we are very different from one another, God made it like this so that we can rely on each other and help each other as a team effort, and not as a competition. But having said that, I also teach my girls that they can do anything and everything they want to do, and never let the boys intimidate them or stop them from achieving their dreams.
5. To not let a compliment or an insult get to their head. To not let others define who they are and how much they should love themselves, but to already know that they’re a daughter of God with incredible potentials and power, and to love themselves and know that what God thinks of them is the only thing that matters. A truly confident person who knows who they are doesn’t get offended easily, nor get conceited when receiving compliments. They already know who they are so they’re not swayed by other people’s opinions.
6. They are special, but everyone is special so you better work your butt off in order to stand out and be successful. I hate this entitled generation where so many people think they’re so unique and so special that they deserve outstanding treatment without working for it. Bull crap. You may be loved and your parents thinking you are the most special person, but every other parent thinks that about their kid too. So you better work hard and excel in what you do, in order to receive the outstanding treatment or a raise or the salary you think you deserve.
7. Happiness is a choice. It’s not only on days when you’re having a good hair day, when the boy they have a crush on says hello, when someone compliments you and tells you that you’re pretty. Happiness is found everyday in even the mundane things of life, and even during trials. It is a choice, so you can always choose to be happy no matter your circumstance. I tell myself, “Will this really matter when I am sitting on my death bed?” And it is also okay to be sad! That is part of life. It is okay to cry! But after being sad for a moment, look at the blessings you have and the people that love you, and pick yourself back up and proceed on with life being happy. Gratitude means happiness.
8. I don’t want my girls to have an easy, blissful childhood. Life is hard, don’t you agree? I don’t want my kids to have easy lives where everything is given to them and they grow up entitled, spoiled and ungrateful. Oh man oh man, that is my top 3 biggest worry along with the demeaning of women, and having attitude being the cool thing. What would happen if my kids grew up with everything they wanted given to them, and everyone adhering to their needs and wishes, then they leave home and enter the real world when other people won’t bend over backwards in granting their every wish and need? They will freak out. They are not going to be happy. They will never be satisfied. So I try to mirror what real life would be like once they leave home. Of course I still want their childhood to be magical and wonderful and safe, and they have such good lives, but I make sure their life isn’t too easy and blissful, I make them work and earn for things they want. Since they were very little, I purposefully told them no to things they wanted to buy, even if I could afford to buy it. At first they threw tantrums but now they’re used to not getting things they want. I expect them to do house chores such as vacuuming, feeding our dog, cleaning their room, setting up the dinner table, helping me throughout the day on various tasks, without receiving an allowance, for that is the price to pay for living under my roof and everyone helps and participates in keeping this home clean. They receive allowance for extra chores such as giving me a massage or taking pictures for me. I want them to learn to work hard and realize that real life isn’t going to give them everything they want, they need to earn it, so if we go watch a movie or go do fun things, I make them earn it! They need to do certain extra chores before we go out to do fun stuff. While I provide for them with their needs, if it’s a want, I make them earn 1/2 of it.
My 6 year old daughter recently told me, “Mom, my life is pretty hard for a 6 yr. old.” To that I said, “Good! Life isn’t easy.”
9. Build your confidence in your capabilities instead of your looks. Looks change and deteriorate as we age. If you base your confidence on your appearance, what happens when you get old and your skin gets sun spots, wrinkles and your body sags? Build your confidence on your capabilities such as being a good listener, being kind, giving, being smart, for these things no one can ever take away from you, and it gets more refined and beautiful as you get older and even when you get old and wrinkly! One of the things I am working on is not to say anything negative about my body or my face in front of my daughters. If they grab my stomach and say why is it so soft? I say, “because my body is amazing and it produced 3 children and you all lived inside my tummy so it stretched it out! Aren’t our bodies incredible?” I also try to compliment my girls and other girls not on their appearance but on what they are good at or are capable of. Instead of saying “You are so cute, so pretty, look at that pretty dress you’re wearing!” I try to say, “You look like you like to read, what is your favorite book?”, “Look at that speed! You can run so fast, your body must be strong and healthy! I bet you eat lots of vegetables, huh?”, “Look at those inquisitive eyes! You must be smart, don’t ever stop being curious!” This is especially important when I meet them for the first time or see them for the first time in a long time. If the first thing we say is about their appearance, they might think they need to be pretty or cute or have a pretty dress on in order to be liked by others. I compliment my girls on their looks and other people’s kids too, but not on the first impression nor do I do it a lot, but I think once in awhile is more than okay! I tell my girls every woman is beautiful on the outside in their own unique way. And if my daughter were to come up to me in the future and complain about her body part like her thighs and call them fat, I’d say to her, “Look at your strong legs! With those legs you can climb Mt. Everest if you wanted to!” I try to focus on what our bodies can do, instead of what it looks like.
10. Do not base your happiness or your confidence on materialistic things. We can’t take material possession with us when we die. All we can take is our heart, our knowledge and our relationships with others. You know why? Because those are the only things that matter in the very end. That is why we are allowed to take it with us when we die.
11. True confidence is knowing you are nothing without God. But with God, you can do anything. I’ve always said arrogant and cocky people are the most insecure people. When we rely solely upon our own capabilities and abilities, our powers are limited and we can only achieve so far. But when we rely upon God whose capabilities are limitless, we too become limitless in power if we have him by our side, on the same team. Therefore, humility is the true sign of confidence. Knowing you’re not better than anyone, knowing you’re not too good for anything. Because in the end, we are all the same, we are nothing without God and we all rely on God. But with God, I can be anything and I can do everything.
So what do you think of my list? Any other things you would add to the list? I know I can always work on being a better mother so I love hearing other people’s advice!
And check out what my other 3 friends have shared on raising strong and confident daughters, Michelle from The Mumsy Blog, Sandy of Sandy a la Mode and Amy of Liv and Hope.
Anita says
Girs are amazing 😉
if you want check out my blog:
recenzije11.blogspot.com
Dian says
I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great.
I do not know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!
Aruba Nasir Khan says
Amazing ..love reading the post..
xoxo
Keep in touch
jho says
Thank you for the wise words dear. i plan to teach my kids like you do. my mother was not able to do that to us when we are younger but i am happy of what i have become now. 🙂
Billy says
Appreciate this post. Let me try it out.
Gertie says
I could not resist commenting. Perfectly written!