Life is Beautiful: midnight rambling

11.16.2012

midnight rambling

Every night when I lie down on my bed to go to sleep, I look back on the day and think of all the  instances where I was imperfect, and how I can improve and what to work on.  And oh boy, let me tell you, there are always so many.  I'm not sure if there's ever been a day since my children turned about 3 years old(when they start to talk back or disobeys you on purpose & does NOT listen to you until you ask them nicely 20 times and then you yell at them and that's when they finally listen, argh!) where I spent the whole day with them where I never spoke to my children with impatience or annoyance, or not gave them some sort of attitude.  Come to think of it, I'm positive there hasn't been even one full day where I spent the whole day with them without a break or Jay to help me watch them, where I spoke to them only in love, kindness, a soft-spoken voice, and without using an irritable voice.  How ashamed I am to admit that to myself just now.  

I tell my friends that I thought I was such a good, optimistic, patient person until my kids turned 3 years old.  Now, I am the most pessimistic, impatient person I know.  Before they were 3, they were innocent, little babies who always had a legitimate reason every time they fussed or cried.  They were too little to talk back to you, and too little to be accountable(somewhat).  Now, if you were to hang out with me for a day, I can assure you that you'll hear me say this a few times throughout the day: "Adi & Ana, I've asked you nicely to go put your shoes on exactly 8 times now.  If I have to ask you one more time, I will be so mad.  You know how I ask nicely about 10 times before I lose it? GO."  Only after hearing my stern voice and seeing my "I'm about to lose it" face, do they run to go get their shoes on.  "Do you not speak English?  I said no!" You'll hear that from me when the kids ask me if they can have/do something over and over again after I've told them no every time.  "Please! Can you just let me eat in peace for 5 minutes and not ask me to do something for you for just 5 minutes!!!  I want to eat my food while it's still hot, I'm so sick of eating cold-because I had to get out of my chair 50 million times because I had to do something for you-food!(clarification: 50 million was a slight exaggeration)" If you hear that from me, it means I'm having a meltdown.  Oh my gosh. Sometimes I feel like I need an anger management class.  Or just a loooong break. 

And no, I'm not ending this with a sweet, counter-what I just said note. 

And it feels dang good.

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29 comments:

  1. Anonymous11/16/2012

    And for this I love you. Because I am the same way with my children - they are just so trying!! It's easy to get caught up in the perfect appearances through the eyes of the internet. Everyone talks about how perfect their kids are, all the amazing things they're doing, blah, blah ... it's nice to see some honesty and the reminder that none of us are perfect, just doing our best!! So thank you:)

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    1. You are welcome! I get discouraged when I read about perfect mothers and their perfect kids too. :)thank you so much for your words!

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  2. Be kind to yourself... children ARE challenging. You always come across as an amazing mum and the fact that you're aware of what you want to change is the first step to actually changing it. You'll get there! Best wishes from Sussex, UK x

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    1. You are so sweet, thank you so much!

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  3. You are not alone! I'm sure we all do this, I know I do, and beat myself up for it too. We are only human and have to do the best we can. Being aware of our own behaviour is important too I think.

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    1. You are so right, thank you for your comment!

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  4. Anonymous11/16/2012

    You are not alone! I feel the exact same way....everyday. Thank you for sharing :-)

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    1. Thank you for your comment! It's always good to hear I'm not the only one.:)

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  5. Anonymous11/16/2012

    Thank you for your honesty. I love my children but gosh, they can really test my patience. I'll sit at the dinner table but just watch my children eat. And then afterwards, I'll TRY to have my meals quietly because I'm tired of like you said eating cold food. I want to enjoy my dinner for once. I know they are only young once so I try to be more patient but there are some days where you just want to eat in peace. So I hear you clearly! :)

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    1. I hear you clearly as well! I agree with every word you just said!:)

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  6. Anonymous11/16/2012

    you shouldn't be so hard on yourself, and maybe instead of reminiscing your daily "imperfections" you should think of all the things you did good, because I'm sure there are a lot.
    And don't forget it is ok to ask for help here and there ;)

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    1. You are so sweet and you are so right, I should also think about the good I've done that day too. Thanks for the reminder!

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  7. Thank you for being real. :)

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    1. Thank you for your comment.:)

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  8. Thank you for being real. :)

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  9. Yes! I know exactly what you mean. That bit about wanting to eat your dinner while it's still hot? I honestly said, almost word for word, that exact thing last night to my son. I love my boys with everything I am, but yeah, sometimes a looonngg break is what we all need, right? :)

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    1. Haha, that's too funny! I can't seem to multi task when I eat, when I eat, I need to focus fully on my food haha.:)

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  10. All I can say is 123 Magic. Reading that book, I was literally pumping my arms in the air going "OH MY GOSH! THIS IS GOING TO WORK!". And it does. I'm a nicer human. :)

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    1. Okay I requested the book on hold at my library, thanks! I'm excited to read it!

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  11. next time if they do not want to place their shoes nicely, tell them you will throw away the pair that they love the most. And if they still the same, just throw it away, as they do not appreciate :p

    else they will never learn the lesson.

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    1. That is a great idea! We put their toys in the. "Grinch bag" if they don't clean it, and they don't get to play with it for a few days and that does the trick also. :) thanks for your great tip!

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  12. So glad I'm not the only one who feels short on patience. Just found your blog, and this sealed the deal. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. So glad you found the blog! Thanks for your comment!

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  13. I have been contemplating about the exact same thing for the last long while. My kiddos are 6, 4 and 1. As of last week, I was officially sick of hearing myself getting mad. If I could only master the magic of 123.

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    1. Yes, someone else mentioned that book, I need to get it asap! Thanks for your comment!

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  14. I have been contemplating about this very subject for the last long while. Last week, I realized I am so sick of hearing myself mad. I can not seem to achieve the magic of not reacting to bad behavior, which means I stop short of 123 magic. I never really considered myself an angry person. But I guess I am now. Thanks for giving voice to my struggles.

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  15. Eu sei como é isso. Isso é em todo planeta. Acho que minha sorte é ter apenas 1 garoto pequeno (6 anos),mas na realidade, quando está junto com a irmã de 16...oh meu Deus, as briguinhas bobas rolam. Quanto à obedecer ordens ele o faz, basta eu lançar um olhar de quem está brava ou então chegar perto do ouvidinho dele e falar bem baixinho, em tom bravo, mas baixo e ele atende....mas geralmente uma boa conversa resolve, pelo menos,momentaneamente.....

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    1. I understand how you feel! They really do drive me crazy sometimes. But I'm glad you found a method that works for you. Thanks for your comment. :)

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  16. I can't remember how I originally found your blog. Probably from your pleated skirt dress (do you know how many of those my mom had and gave away, and now I can't find a single one to use!! GAH!) Anyway, I keep coming back for more of your killer fashion, but even more to hear you talk about your life as a mom. How deeply and completely you love your family, and how honest you are. The past few months have been hard for me as a person and a parent, and it's nice to sit here and listen to someone else go through the same things. Thanks for sharing...everything.

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