Every night when I lie down on my bed to go to sleep, I look back on the day and think of all the instances where I was imperfect, and how I can improve and what to work on. And oh boy, let me tell you, there are always so many. I’m not sure if there’s ever been a day since my children turned about 3 years old(when they start to talk back or disobeys you on purpose & does NOT listen to you until you ask them nicely 20 times and then you yell at them and that’s when they finally listen, argh!) where I spent the whole day with them where I never spoke to my children with impatience or annoyance, or not gave them some sort of attitude. Come to think of it, I’m positive there hasn’t been even one full day where I spent the whole day with them without a break or Jay to help me watch them, where I spoke to them only in love, kindness, a soft-spoken voice, and without using an irritable voice. How ashamed I am to admit that to myself just now.
I tell my friends that I thought I was such a good, optimistic, patient person until my kids turned 3 years old. Now, I am the most pessimistic, impatient person I know. Before they were 3, they were innocent, little babies who always had a legitimate reason every time they fussed or cried. They were too little to talk back to you, and too little to be accountable(somewhat). Now, if you were to hang out with me for a day, I can assure you that you’ll hear me say this a few times throughout the day: “Adi & Ana, I’ve asked you nicely to go put your shoes on exactly 8 times now. If I have to ask you one more time, I will be so mad. You know how I ask nicely about 10 times before I lose it? GO.” Only after hearing my stern voice and seeing my “I’m about to lose it” face, do they run to go get their shoes on. “Do you not speak English? I said no!” You’ll hear that from me when the kids ask me if they can have/do something over and over again after I’ve told them no every time. “Please! Can you just let me eat in peace for 5 minutes and not ask me to do something for you for just 5 minutes!!! I want to eat my food while it’s still hot, I’m so sick of eating cold-because I had to get out of my chair 50 million times because I had to do something for you-food!(clarification: 50 million was a slight exaggeration)” If you hear that from me, it means I’m having a meltdown. Oh my gosh. Sometimes I feel like I need an anger management class. Or just a loooong break.
And no, I’m not ending this with a sweet, counter-what I just said note.
And it feels dang good.
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