i recently came across this article on cnn about how people with children are less happy and more depressed than their childless peers. this article told me when 909 working mothers were asked to rank pleasurability in activities, child care ranked 19th and they considered preparing food, watching TV, exercising, talking on the phone, napping, shopping, and housework more pleasurable than child care. there are many other articles and studies that prove the same theory: that having children make you more miserable than happy.
well, i thought this was very interesting and thought much about this subject. first of all, the second article that asked women to rank pleasurability is totally biased since they only asked working mothers and not stay at home mothers. i’m sure many or at least some of them are working mothers because they dislike being a stay at home mom, so of course you’ll rank child care way down low. and i totally get that! i think every women’s different and if you asked women who love being a stay at home mom(like me), then we would rank child care a lot higher. even though i’ll choose napping over child care anyday, eh hem. and i can see why many parents are less happy than childless couples. i mean who can be happy when you smell the most foul, nasty, almost about to faint- poop AND you gotta clean it up everyday?(you mothers who no longer have breastfed/bottlefed babies but toddlers who eat solid adult food know what i’m talkin’ about!) but in all seriousness, it is the hardest, most stressful, difficult job in the world. if you have a job, you worry about work while you’re at work and once you clock out, you’re done with no need to worry about it until the next day when you go back to work. with school, you just worry about yourself and what you need to get done. with parenthood, you take care, clean up after, worry about, pray for, watch out for, responsible for another human being 24/7. your big chunk of happiness depends on the success/happiness of your children and the success/happiness of your children is many times a reflection of your character/examples/parenting skills/a person that you are, which is so stressful since you know you can always do better. sometimes i hate it so much, i lose my temper way too easily on the kids, or i cry out loud like a little baby. i’m more stressed out than before i became a mother, i never realized i was so quick-tempered, pessimistic and impatient until my children became toddlers. i’m reminded everyday how much i lack as a person and all the christ-like attributes i need to work on to become a better parent, a better wife, a better human being.
but having said all that, i am more happy. by far. and that’s saying a lot because i’m honestly the happiest person i know and i think if you ask my family and my friends, they’ll say i’m one of the happiest people they know also. while i’m more stressed because of this huge responsibility, and i get impatient and lose my temper and those times are not fun at all, the other times are soooooo good. sooooooo precious, pure, and wonderful. maybe it’s my religion that believes that’s one of the reasons why you are born on this earth, to replenish the earth and have children, and there’s no greater job than being a mother, so i know i’m fulfilling my life destiny by being a mother and that makes me feel complete and gives me life satisfaction in knowing i’m in the right place, doing the right thing and there isn’t anything else more important that i could be doing. and maybe i always think of the scripture, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so β¦ righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad…” (2 Ne. 2: 11). so while i get so frustrated and stressed sometimes being a parent and the lows are lower than before i became a parent, the highs are also way higher than before. the happiness i feel as a mother is far beyond any happiness i felt before. many times, at least once a day, i think of my children, my husband, my little family i’m raising and i get so happy that my heart feels like it’s being engulfed ever so quickly with water, except instead of water, it’s filled with intense happiness and complete joy. it wells up so quickly and with such abundance in my heart that my heart skips a beat trying to swallow it all in. i literally have to stop thinking about it and take a deep breathe in order to get my heart back in control. and i’ve never felt that before i had children.
and if you ask me what my happiest moments in life are, i’ll tell you without a second thought, it’s when i hear my children laughing while playing with daddy. there is no sound more beautiful and peaceful than hearing my two little girls giggle and laugh out loud while playing with daddy. my heart wells up with so much happiness every time i hear the sound. and since daddy is such a wonderful daddy who is always playing with them, is so fun and funny and makes them laugh all the time, i am happy quiet often.
so i wanted to ask you mothers, are you more happy or less happy than before you had children?
Pearl says
yes i agree with you on the happiness level.. you're brought to a level of happiness with children that you never knew before..I agree with the laughing giggling of children… that's the most precious sound and I live for those moments..
raising4princesses says
My children bring me so much happiness. I'll admit that since we had our first baby years before most of our friends, I envied them now and then being able to stay out later or go more places. But the joy of motherhood is still so much better. Maria
http://caribbeanmissionarywife.blogspot.com/
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Deborah Raymond says
I love that you bring this up today since just last night I was telling my daughters just how much I love being a mother. Listening to my daughters laughter, cuddling them when they are sad, snuggling up to them in their beds when they have had a bad dream at night. Of course, things change once children come into our lives, but different doesn't always equal BAD. I miss some of the quiet moments I had alone with my sweetheart, and less mess, more free time. But I wouldn't trade it ever.
It also makes me sad to see movie after movie that portrays the parents of children as boring or depressed or without goals and just giving up on themselves and their desires after giving birth. It sends a very strong message that I don't believe most people feel until it is shown to them condensed down and dramatized into a 2 hour movie. Then, suddenly, a perfectly happy mother feels unsatisfied when she was content before.
Sorry about the rant, I obviously feel strong about this topic.
The Youngs says
This is so funny to me. One of our single friends was talking trash about us one night and told another mutual friend that we aren't fun to hang out with anymore and that we aren't happy now….on the contrary…
Being a parent is just a different kind of happy. I love hearing her laugh and see her learn things about life. Not to say that hanging out with the friends and running off anytime of day wasn't fun! But I wouldn't change the fact I have a beautiful, smart child for all the late night movies or random trips out of state, or anything else that was "fun".
Laura @ ON{thelaundry}LINE says
It all depends on what gives you pleasure in life! I was never one for partying and going out all the time. It's the simple joys in life that make you happy. My daughters give me so much joy!
Roxy says
I think having children is a lot like exercising.
It can be physically & emotionally strenuous and sometimes you just want to throw on a pair of sweats and plop down on the couch and do absolutely nothing but empty a pint of Ben & Jerry's instead but after a good workout, you always feel better than you did before. Not only do you feel accomplished but you feel more alive. That good feeling lasts so much longer than the sugar high would've from the Chunky Monkey.
Now skipping out on a run once in a while to veg out is a definite necessity but life wouldn't be nearly as fulfilling if that's how all your evenings ended.
I completely understand that being a parent isn't for everyone. There are countless people who have other vocations to fill. But as for me, I didn't know exactly how happy I could be until I became a wife and a mother.
On the flipside, I recently read an article in Parent mag that said people with children were much less likely to have depression.
Tomato, tomahto I guess.
Roxy at TSKGS
Mrsink says
I have to say, this exact subject has been weighing on my mind for a while now. I LOVE how you put it in words and I love the scripture you shared. That's so true! The hard times are really hard, but the good times are so so good and I LOVE being a mom through it all. Thanks for the encouragement.
Selene says
I agree with the happy part…I enjoy motherhood completely but it IS difficult. I think I have a different kind of happiness…so I don't get to go out anymore, and yes, I haven't seen a movie without being interrupted in over three years, and it's true, while my other friends are out having a good time, I'm at home enforcing bed time…..I won't have THAT kind of happiness anymore. But I DO enjoy being with my kids, seeing them smile and laugh, and watching them grown and learn and discover new things. THAT is my new kind of happiness π
montanachic says
I think in this day and age people focus too much on pleasure and comfort and equate that to happiness, and if that is how you look at it kids would make that difficult. When I think of happiness as being content, filled with joy and fulfilled for my entire life I don't think you can do that without a family.
Holly says
I saw that same article and thought "wow, sometimes I do dislike being a mom in those stressful moments", but I remember having a "real job" and I would never trade motherhood for it. You are so right with the lows being so much lower but the highs are so much higher. I have found that since having my child whenever I see something inspiring (I YouTubed "flash mob" the other day) I start crying for the shear joy of seeing people accomplish something amazing. (Yes I seriously cried at a mob of people dancing in Grand Central Station). Thank you for your honesty, it's nice to hear I'm not the only one on an emotional mommy rollercoaster! π
Holly @ Craftsbyholly.blogspot.com
Eden says
Great article! We highlighted you on SkinnyScoop here – http://www.skinnyscoop.com/question/q/3320 and also just posted to our Facebook page so folks can read your take on the topic.
Nora Rose says
I totally agree with you on the bias of the study. As a nanny (not a mom), I totally don't enjoy "child care" but I love playing and being around the children I work with. I think the study should have asked a more specific question. My mom worked and raised three children (well I guess I'm the only one who's just out on my own) and she would never have traded us, no matter how stressful. Sure, she definitely likes knitting classes more than when we get sick but if you pose a question like that instead of knitting/napping/hobby versus being proud of your child's accomplishments and being a part of their lives, you get different answers. π
Marissa says
I bet if you asked those same 909 working moms to recall the happiest moments in their lives, 99% of them would recall a moment with their families…guarantee it!
Becky says
I wonder who is happier in the long run. Childless old people or those surrounded by posterity? It is kind of a no brainer. My neighbors husband recently died and when I took her flowers and was asking if she had any family around I found out she had no kids. I went home and cried for her. Not for the loss of her husband but for the kids and family that she never had. Every time I am out with my kids she sticks her head out to watch and comes out often to say hello.
Naomi says
I'm definitely with you. I sometimes wish I could just go out to a cafe and read for a few hours, like when I was single. But every time I feel frustrated, I just think back to when I was working full-time outside the home (even before I had any kids), and I'd so much rather have this job. Even as I write this, I'm having to stop my typing to rescue a 5 month old who's scooted herself into a corner. Would it be nice to type a comment without interruptions? I'd rather take the interruption, if it means I get to see her huge grin when she sees me coming to rescue her, and her giggle when I give her a toy to play with.